Like the rest of the community, Christian churches are wrestling with domestic abuse and the pain that it causes. But as we listen carefully to victims of abuse and take them seriously, I believe we can be places of healing and hope.
It shouldn't have been any surprise to find that there's domestic abuse in church communities. Of course there is.
Sometimes it's at the fringe, with families that we hardly ever see. Sometimes an abused woman in the wider community comes to us for help without her husband. Sometimes the victim is a woman (or in one case I know of, a man) who comes to church, while the partner is not a believer.
But sometimes abuse occurs even at the hands of those the pillars of the church community. We know this, and this year my denomination (the Anglican Diocese of Sydney) apologised for it.
What I've learnt is how I've been blind to it too often. Abusers can be good at cultivating pastors like me.
They make sure that they win over the minister by telling us that their spouse is having mental troubles, by asking for prayer, or by getting us to doubt their partners. They impress us with their willingness to help and with their piety.
They confide in us.
And what happens in a domestic abuse situation is, by its nature, private.
The signs are hard to spotA family can present as fairly normal by the time the tears have been wiped away and the bruises covered.
A woman with small children seems depressed — this is not unusual, is it? She's just struggling with tiredness. And who wants to be thought of as a failure, when Christians put such a high value on family?
In one case I know of, a man who was studying for the ministry in a residential bible college was persistently abusive and violent to his wife. This all occurred while he had fellow students as his next-door neighbours, who noticed nothing. The couple both carried on as if nothing was wrong. It wasn't until his wife decided to leave that he was exposed.
There are cases that are more complicated than that. Violence is much easier to spot than emotional abuse. There are often mental health issues at play, sometimes because the abuse has triggered them. Sometimes a spouse holds out hope that there may be healing and reconciliation, even though she has been deeply hurt by her partner.
Pastoring amid abuseRecently, though, through the courage of victims and through compulsory training offered to ministers by the Diocese, I've learnt a number of things about pastoring in the midst of domestic abuse.
We ministers are trained to talk. But the first lesson is … listen. And listen hard. My job is not to fix the problem, or to make a judgement as to who is right and who is wrong. My job is to listen, and to believe. Abuse victims in the church (as elsewhere) have been silent because they feared that no-one would believe them. But finding someone who believes them can be a life-saver.
The second thing I've learnt is that I am not there to fix the problem. There are experts in marriage counselling, domestic abuse counsellors, and welfare agencies. These all have a part to play. Some matters need to be referred to the police. What do I do? I listen, pray, and I speak of the hope and love of Jesus.
But there's always a need for practical help. And this is where church communities can, in my experience, be literally life-saving (that was an expression one victim of abuse used).
In one situation I know of, a victim received several rounds of groceries, and a squad of blokes from a men's bible study group who cleaned her house because she had to move. Other victims have been given a shed to put their things in, emergency accommodation for them and their kids, and someone to attend court with them.
Reflecting on our teachingsI've also learnt that what I teach about marriage needs to be done with an awareness that a percentage of people listening will have some experience of an abusive relationship.
Christians believe in practising forgiveness. They believe in a pattern of love which is sacrificial, especially for husbands. In Christian marriage, we are called to lifelong union, in which we seek the good of our partner above our own.
These ideals are a beautiful and life-affirming vision. But in an abusive relationship they can become warped beyond recognition, such that a victim will believe she has to submit to the abuse of her spouse.
We pastors need to be clear. Isn't it just obvious that emotional, sexual and physical abuse is wrong in a marriage?
You would think so, but that's not the reality that many people live with. The evidence is there in the testimony of the victims I've met and read about.
We thought we were teaching one thing, but it was heard by some couples as meaning something else.
It turns out we do need to spell it out: it simply isn't Christian to treat your spouse as there to meet all your needs. It is not acceptable to subject them to your rage.
It is not a form of Christian spousal love to control, dominate, or hurt your wife; and to hear that the beautiful Scriptural picture of Christian marriage is used to justify this behaviour makes me sick to the stomach. It's an offence to the name of Jesus Christ himself.
Where to next?Where does the church go from here? Denominations need to work hard to understand the needs and to provide training, resources, and support — and a lot of work is going on in this arena.
The front line, however, is the local church, where people gather in all their complexity and with all their baggage. The problems can seem overwhelming. The poison of abuse can seem to infect everything. Yet here's the miracle: the grace of God given to us in Jesus Christ gives us a vision of a better way.
A community of Christ's people is a community with a mission to be a place of refuge.
We don't ask perfection of each other, but are called to show grace and kindness to one another.
At our best, the church can be - and often is - a place where a victim finds the love of God in action.



​This article was written by Michael Jensen and was copied from here.

New laws have been introduced in each state and territory to improve the protection of domestic and family violence victims.
From 25 November 2017 domestic violence orders (DVOs) issued in one state or territory will apply and be enforceable in all states and territories in Australia.
Prior to 25 November 2017 DVOs applied only in the state or territory where they were issued.
The forms will be available here from the 25 November 2017.


Orders made before 25 November 2017If you are planning to travel or move to a state or territory different to the one where your order was issued, you can have your order “declared” a national DVO. This means it can be enforced in all states and territories in Australia.
In Queensland, you can do this by making an application to a Magistrates Court using the DV35 Application for declaration of a DVO to be a recognised interstate order.
You can also apply to a court in another state or territory.
Note: The person who you have protection from (the respondent) will not be provided with a copy of your application (to declare an order a national order) unless you have given written consent.
If you are planning to travel or move interstate and want to vary the conditions, named persons or term of your DVO, you can do this in Queensland by making an application to a Magistrates Court using one of the following forms:

• If your original order was made in Queensland use DV4 Application to vary a domestic violence order (DOC, 104.5 KB)
• If your original order was made in another state or territory use DV4A Application to vary a recognised interstate order

Note: The person who you have protection from (the respondent) will be provided with a copy of your application to have your order declared a national order and to have it varied. If you do not want the respondent to know your address, do not include this information on your form. Advise the court registry staff that you need to keep this information private.
Orders made after 25 November 2017If you are planning to travel or move to a state or territory different to the one where you originally received your order, it will apply in all Australian states and territories so you will be automatically protected.
If you would like to vary the conditions, named persons or term of your DVO, you can do this in Queensland by making an application to a Magistrates Court using one of the following forms:

• If your original order was made in Queensland use DV4 Application to vary a domestic violence order (DOC, 104.5 KB)
• If your original order was made in another state or territory use DV4A Application to vary a recognised interstate order

A Queensland Court can vary an order made that was made in any Australian state and territory.


Note: The person who you have protection from (the respondent) will be provided with a copy of your application to have your order varied. If you do not want the respondent to know your address, do not include this information on your form. Advise court registry staff of the need to keep this information private.
Enforcing ordersDVOs made from 25 November 2017 can be enforced across all states and territories in Australia. If an order was made before 25 November 2017 it must first be declared a national DVO before it can be enforced in all states and territories.
An order which has not been declared a national DVO will only be enforceable in the state or territory where it was issued.
Order namesDomestic violence orders or DVOs have different names across Australia. A domestic violence order may be called:

• Protection order
• Apprehended domestic violence order
• Family violence intervention order
• Family violence order
• Intervention order

For helpPlease contact your closest Magistrates Court location.
Read the National Domestic Violence Order Scheme information guide


This article has been copied from here.

A man who bashed his wife with a shovel while she was breastfeeding their child will be sentenced in Darwin Local Court next month.
Garrett Juan Daniels, 31, pleaded guilty last month and was due to learn his fate today, but the judge has given his lawyers more time to fight for a more lenient sentence.
Last month the court heard Daniels had been drinking at a unit in John Stokes Square in Nightcliff on June 8th, when he "became angry at (his wife) over jealousy issues”.
He began threatening her, then armed himself with a one metre-long shovel and used it to strike her “a number of times to the back of the head” while she was breastfeeding their child and unable to defend herself.
She suffered lacerations to the back of her head which bleed profusely but managed to grab the shovel off her husband with one hand.
Shortly after, her father arrived in a taxi and found his daughter at the door “bloodied and shaken”.
He put his daughter and grandchild in the vehicle but Daniels followed, yelling at his wife through the car window then laying down on the road to stop the taxi leaving the complex.


The 31-year-old also broke the handle of the driver’s side door while attempting to open it.
The taxi driver took the family to Nightcliff Police Station and the woman was taken to hospital.
Several hours later, Daniels was located in Parap and jumped out of a unit window in an attempt to avoid arrest.
His lawyer described the offence as very serious but said his client had expressed remorse and asked for him to be allowed to return to his home in southern Arnhem Land for supervision.
Justice Greg Smith said a clear message had to be sent about domestic violence, but that he would consider a lesser sentence if the defence could provide information from Aboriginal elders about how they would rehabilitate him.
“The prevalence of this sort of violence is so high,” he said.
“I want some clarity about this…I want to hear from people in the community about what they’re going to do to rehabilitate.”
Daniels will be sentenced next month.


This article was written be Rosanna Kingsun and has been copied from here.

'Anne' separated from her husband after a decade of physical and emotional abuse, only to find a lack of protections for victims of domestic violence allowed her ex-partner to continue to threaten, harass and abuse her from afar.
The Canberra public servant said the abuse by her former husband began in 2003, shortly after the birth of one of their children.
It continued for 10 years, resulting in physical and emotional scars, debts of up to $30,000 and Anne almost losing her job when photoshopped images of her appeared on two different sex websites.
"It wasn't an overnight change, it was so gradual, but after a while it just got extremely violent," she said.
"I actually labelled him 'The Teflon Man' because nothing would stick to him.
"He has never shown one ounce of ownership of his behaviour through the courts or otherwise."
Anne said the abuse got so violent she almost died from having an asthma attack while being choked.
"He tried to run me over with a car. He spiked my drink and had me [sexually] assaulted by a third party," she said.
"[I was] stalked, both by himself online and a friend in contravention of a DVO."
The couple divorced in 2012, but Anne said her former husband continued to remotely "wreak havoc" in her life in the form of online abuse.
"He actually said [online] I had participated in acts of bestiality," she said.
"But what was really troubling was he had found out our address.
"He was quite capable of giving that address out to just about anyone and have them turn up to the house with the children in the house, because I had full custody."
Anne said she twice came close to losing her job after graphic content on two websites, including a photoshopped portrait of her, came to the attention of her employer.
"I went to the police station [and] they said you are not the victim, the websites are," she said.
'I can't let him live in my head'Anne sought assistance from Victims of Crime Commissioner John Hinchey, who asked ACT police to review the matter.

"They came back with the view that her ex-partner had committed offences and could be charged, [bu] it took a while," Mr Hinchey said.

By the time police issued a warrant and attempted to locate Anne's ex-husband, he had disappeared interstate.
Mr Hinchey said it was difficult to bring him back to the ACT because domestic violence protection orders were not recognised in different jurisdictions.
Anne said if police had dealt with the situation at the first opportunity her ex-partner could possibly be in jail, rather than continuing to cause havoc in her life.
"We haven't had contact and I am still getting phone calls and emails from debt collectors about him, because he is still giving them my details," she said.
Anne believes her former husband is somewhere in New South Wales where he began claiming welfare payments from Centrelink in 2015.
But she said while he had a superannuation scheme, he still owed her $11,000 in child support payments, that she was likely to never receive.
Anne said she still did not feel any safer, though, in raising her children and grandchildren, she was determined to break the cycle of domestic violence in her family.
"I still have post-traumatic stress, I still have anxiety, but I don't let it define me," she said.
"I can't let him live in my head, I can't let him control where I go, what I see, what I do anymore."
DVOs to be enforceable interstate from next week
While it came too late for Anne, frontline services and victim advocates said there had been a great deal of progress in recent years to improve outcomes for other Canberrans experiencing domestic violence.
Revenge porn is now a crime in the ACT, as is drink and food spiking.
ACT Policing also has a specialised Family Violence Coordination Unit and the National Domestic Violence Order Scheme will come into force later this month — giving victims automatic protection across all jurisdictions.
"There is a growing intolerance to accepting that someone can move from one jurisdiction to another and escape the consequences of their behaviour," Mr Hinchey said.
"It will be simpler for [victims] because they will only need to do something once and then there is an obligation on other jurisdictions to ensure that any breach of that order is applied to that person.
"Hopefully it will remove the attraction to move interstate."

Mirjana Wilson from the Domestic Violence Crisis Service (DVCS) said the new scheme should increase access to justice for victims, but the implementation of any new law still had to be tested.
"That requires significant resources, in terms of training police [and] the courts," she said.
And she said a much greater focus was needed to prevent domestic violence in the first place, including compulsory primary school education about respectful relationships.
"If we are going to introduce laws that are going to [have an] impact, then there is a responsibility to ensure that our children and young people are resourced on how to deal with that," Ms Wilson said.
"We may not be able to rely on families to provide that alone."
Domestic violence a 'concern for everyone'The milestones in achievement for victims of domestic violence are being highlighted as part of 16 Days of Activism — a worldwide campaign to eliminate violence against women and girls — beginning on November 25.
The campaign hopes to make the eradication of domestic violence everyone's concern under their theme "Leave No One Behind".
"We need to get to a place in our community where the idea of this happening in families is completely and totally unacceptable," Ms Wilson said.
"In the same way that it has become unacceptable to hop into a car and not put your seat belt on, in the same way that it has become completely unacceptable to litter. In the same way that we have got screening for breast cancer, skin cancer.
"We need to be looking at how we can make family violence one of those things, which we are working towards truly eradicating and eliminating."


This article was written by Adrienne Francis and has been copied from here.

Two months ago, Katie Hughes received an unusual Facebook message from her Laramie hairstylist.
The stylist, Paige Elliot, had heard about a program in Illinois that trained beauty professionals to recognize the signs of domestic violence and refer their clients to support services. She wanted to know if Hughes, who works at the Wyoming Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, could help launch a similar program in the Cowboy State.
Hughes brought the idea to her coworkers at the coalition and at the end of October the group hosted its first online training for Wyoming beauty professionals, the Casper Star-Tribune reports . The program, called Cut It Out, teaches stylists about the realities of domestic violence and ensures they know where to refer clients if they believe they are victims of abuse.
“We’re not asking them to become an advocate,” Hughes said, “but to be supportive, to show compassion and to know where their clients can go for support.”

Thousands of people are abused by loved ones every year in Wyoming. In one day in 2014, the state’s domestic violence resource centers served more than 270 victims, according to data from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Beauticians, hair stylists and other salon workers are in a unique position to help survivors of domestic violence, Hughes said. Beauty professionals often develop a trusting relationship with their clients over an extended period of time and the sessions leave plenty of time for talking.
“They have more of a personal connection, so survivors are more likely to reach out and connect on a personal level about what they have going on in their life,” she said.
When she first heard of the program, Elliot thought the work was a little out of her job title. But the more she learned about the training she found that she wanted to be involved. She knows many of her clients very well — some have been with her since she started work as a stylist eight years ago. She hears about their work, their families and their relationships.
“I’m close with my clients and I care about them, whether I’ve done their hair once or a hundred times,” Elliot said in an email. “I feel like I’m a safe space for someone to open up, or maybe I’m the only person to ask if they’re OK.”
The training covers the power dynamics of domestic violence and what constitutes abuse. It trains stylists to recognize the signs that someone is being abused, like bruising across the body, low self-esteem or fear of their partner. Finally, beauty professionals learn to refer clients who are victims of abuse to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which connects survivors to local resources.
The training also combats common misunderstandings about the dynamics of domestic violence. For example, Hughes said that many people believe abusers hurt their victims due to mental illness or addiction, or because of a genetic trait. While those may be factors in the violence, abusing someone is always a choice, Hughes said.
The training program also explains the barriers that keep victims, who are often women, from leaving those who abuse them. Victims sometimes stay with an abuser because they fear the violence against them or their loved ones will escalate if they attempt to leave. Other victims have limited financial resources and fear leaving a provider will make them homeless or unable to feed their children.
“Victims are not weak,” Hughes said. “Victims are often staying in relationships because it’s risky to leave.”
Hughes said the training is a positive trend across the country. The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence created the program in 2002 and in 2003 the National Cosmetology Association began offering the training across the U.S. Now, many states offer the program and Illinois passed a law last year that mandated all beauty professionals receive similar instruction.
A handful of participants signed up for the first online training on Oct. 30 and in the future Hughes hopes to host in-person training sessions across Wyoming.
“It’s a really exciting partnership that we’re going to build over time,” Hughes said.


​This article was written by Elise Schmeltzer and has been copied from here.

The ACTU has launched a campaign calling on the federal government and the Fair Work Commission to implement ten days of paid family and domestic violence leave for Australian workers attempting to escape abuse.
An advertisement features the testimonies of frontline workers, who detail their experiences with victims of domestic violence. It aims to shed further light on the complexities and financial strains involved with escaping abuse.
ACTU President Ged Kearney said victims of domestic violence really struggle to escape the violence whilst also staying to work commitments every day.
“Without paid leave, you can’t leave. Leaving a violent relationship takes on average $18,000 and 141 hours,” Mr Kearney said.
“Paid leave is essential for women who are escaping violence. Relocation and accessing support takes time and money, being forced out of work is a disaster for anyone, let alone in these circumstances.”
“We have to change the rules to include paid leave for domestic violence leave within the National Employment Standards.”
The ACTU has long argued for such changes. In July, Fair Work rejected paid family violence leave, but agreed unpaid leave should be available to affected employees.
Breaking down the financial burdenBy the ACTU’s estimates, the costs involved with leaving such relationships include truck hire ($260), solicitors ($2500 for the initial appearance, $5000 for court appearances), and rent ($3000 bond and four weeks rent).
While the most time-consuming elements include finding a new property (40 hours), seeking support groups and Centrelink benefits (32 hours) and moving (14 hours).
“Physical and financial security go hand in hand for people experiencing family and domestic violence. We need to change the rules to stop women being forced out of work by the actions of abusive partners.”
Advocacy groups support paid leave pushAlison McDonald, the Policy and Program Manager at Domestic Violence Victoria, told SBS News many women firstly consider their financial capacity when contemplating leaving an abusive relationship.
“We know that when women and children leave a violent relationship that is actually the most dangerous time, this is when risk escalates and in fact it’s when you see most family-related homicides occur,” she said.
Ms McDonald supports the calls for ten day paid leave, adding that financial abuse is a common tactic used to force victims to stay.
“Leaving a violent relationship comes with a whole heap of complexities. We really need to support women and children to do this in a safe way,” she said.
“Where you’ve got the support of your workplace to do so, it can really make the difference between whether you do leave or you don’t.”



​This article was copied from here.
​Watch the video here.