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Does it count? When does it count? It always—always—counts!

25/10/2017

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Does it count?
When she’s eight years old, in the bath, and an older male relative walks in and watches her bathe. And she says “please leave” and she says “stop looking at me like that.” And his mom—her aunt—walks in and the girl tells her, “I don’t like him being in here,” and the aunt nervously laughs and shoos him out of the room saying, “Oh, he was just being a boy.”

Does it count?
When she’s 12 years old, navigating that space between childhood and adulthood, and the boys in her class have nicknames for her and all of her girlfriends based on the size of their developing breasts (“Dolly” for the really curvy ones). They spend their days snapping bra straps and leaving marks.

Does it count?
When she’s 16 years old, at one of her first parties, smoking a bit and drinking too much, and a boy she knows from school sits down next to her and tries to kiss her. She gets up to leave, but he reaches out and grabs her left arm and twists it so hard that her ears start to ring and tears spring to her eyes. And when he finally lets go, he is smiling.

Does it count?
When she’s 18 and watching a movie at a friend’s house, and a guy she barely knows follows her into the bathroom, locks the door, and starts kissing her neck. She tries to push him away, but she isn’t strong enough, and she says “no, no, no” while his hand makes its way up her shirt, and she doesn’t know what to do so she kisses him back a bit, while planning her escape, and then, by sheer luck, there is a knock at the door, and she is saved.

Does it count?
When she’s 19 and in mad love with a girl, and a guy she knows tells her that all he needs is one night “to make her straight again.”

Does it count?
When she’s 21, auditioning for a play, and the director asks her to sing and then to hike up her skirt a little, and then loudly proclaims, to everyone in the room, “Well, she can’t sing, but she’s got great legs.”
Does it count?

When she’s 22 walking home from class at dusk, and three guys start following her, whistling and cat-calling and saying things like, “Slow down hot stuff, where’s the fire?” She feels the fire in her legs, in her belly, in her head, and she starts walking faster, but they do too until one of them yells out “bitch!” so she drops her bag and starts to run.

Does it count?
When she’s 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24, dancing with friends at a bar, and a guy comes up and starts grinding her from behind and, at first, she goes along with it because, you know, “he’s just being a boy,” and it’s just for fun, right? But the song ends and she tries to get away but he won’t let her, he follows her, grabs her, and tries to grind again, so she says “stop it,” and he doesn’t, so she yells “stop it!” and he still doesn’t. Her friends notice that she’s in trouble so they rush to her side and all yell, “stop it!” and finally, finally, finally he backs off, and she is breathing hard and feels embarrassed and just wants to go home.

Does it count?
When she’s 25, posing for a group photograph with co-workers, and the one on her left—a man she barely knows —slowly lets his arm drop from her waist to her butt, and she says nothing because she’s not sure what to say. And when the photo has been taken, he gives her butt a squeeze and saunters away as though he owns her.

Does it count?
When she’s 26, opening a new store in a shopping mall and decides to treat herself to a facial, and the man giving her the facial—right there, in the middle of a crowded mall—starts rubbing himself on her leg, and she is so shocked that she freezes. She feels him getting harder and harder, and she just sits there, frozen in that chair, silently screaming while this man applies cream to her face and masturbates against her body.

Does it count?
When she’s 28 and engaged to a wonderful man, and another man—a casual acquaintance—sends her a text that reads: “I’ve been having dirty dreams about you.”

Does it count?
When she’s 30, taking a walk with her dog and her baby, and a construction worker yells at her from across the street, “Now, there’s a mom I’d like to fuck.”

Does it count? Does it count? Does it count? Does it count?
When does it start to count?
When she’s 31 and raped?
No.

It counts, when she’s eight.
It counts before she’s eight. It counts when she’s in her mother’s womb. It counts even before then, when she’s still a star in the sky and in her not-yet-mother’s eye.

It always counts, because she always counts.
She, you, me. We always count.

Let us remember this.
Let us not be fooled into thinking we don’t, anymore.
Let us not be shamed into silence, ever again.
​
We always count.
It always—always—counts.




This article was written by Via Vicki Rivard and has been copied from here.



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The early warning sign of an abusive relationship we’ve been conditioned to ignore.

25/10/2017

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John Meehan told Debra Newell he would be the best thing that would ever happen to her.
He ended up being the worst.
The new podcast Dirty John produced by the Los Angeles Times tells a story of an abusive relationship and how a serial offender managed to manipulate and coerce multiple smart, accomplished and wealthy women.
But this is not like the story we are used to.
Meehan is 55 years old, six-foot tall, handsome and charismatic, presenting as an anaesthetist, rarely dressed in anything but his scrubs.
Newell is 59, a mother of four, and owner of an extremely successful interior-design business.
The narrative of abuse does not start with Meehan’s fiery temper, or checking his partner’s phone in the middle of the night. It does not begin with degradation or cruelty or control.
It begins with what looks a lot like kindness.
Meehan was – in Newell’s words – “perfect”.
On their first date, he opened the door for her and placed her napkin gently on her lap. He had a warm smile – the kind that made people trust him. Meehan was fascinated by Newell, asking question after question about her life.
“The intensity of the attention was flattering,” Newell says. He would constantly tell her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her.
As the weeks rolled on, he spoiled his new girlfriend. Every morning, he bought her coffee. He did the grocery shopping. He did the dry cleaning. He took the cars for maintenance. He insisted on carrying her purse. He doted on her in a way she had never before experienced.
Meehan was everything Newell had ever wanted.
It was date two or three when Meehan told Newell he loved her, and he could not wait to marry her.
Because that’s what happens when you fall in love – we’re told. You just know. It’s why we use the analogy of ‘falling’ – you can’t control it, you can’t stop halfway. Everyone thinks you’ve gone mad. Your heart beats hard out of your chest. It’s moving fast, but that’s because of the force of the passion.
“Follow your heart,” goes the cliche.
All you have to do is listen to the radio, read a novel or watch a Disney movie and you will be told in no uncertain terms that love is immediate, swift and overpowering.
But that is not at all what love looks like. In fact, for Newell, it could have been the biggest warning sign of all.
Dr Dina McMillan, a social psychologist who specialises in abusive relationships, says, "Right away he calls you his future wife or girlfriend.
"He's talking about what kind of house you're going to buy, what kind of holiday you're going on. And you've just met. You don't even know each other yet.
"This is another trick they use to try and get you focused on the future. Focus on the future to give into the now."
Within weeks, Meehan moved into Newell's home.
After less than two months, they spontaneously married. No family or friends were invited to the wedding.
"Abuse thrives in isolation," Dr McMillan says, another tactic Meehan used from the very beginning. He damaged the relationships between Newell and her four children, as well as various other family members, meaning before long, he was all she had.
And from there, we know the signs. They're familiar. There's control and threats and emotional abuse. But by that point, the victim is in far too deep.
Dr McMillan makes the point, "For too long we've told women to be careful, but we only gave them the warning signs about the negative behaviour. We haven't shown how the over the top positive behaviour is also an indicator."
And it is for that reason that Dirty John is a true crime podcast unlike any other.
Because the six-part series reveals one of the most terrifying warning signs of an abusive relationship: that the experience of 'love' can be a tactic. That over the top kindness can be a form of manipulation.
That being swept off your feet so quickly - and falling in love almost overnight - is not the stuff of romance.
It's the first red flag.



This article was written by Jessie Stephens and has been copied from here.


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Family violence: One teen's mission to improve services for young people

22/10/2017

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When Annika McCaffrey was caught up in family violence, the people she turned to for help simply reported her complaint to her family.
Then a teenager, Ms McCaffrey sought counselling, because she felt like there were no other services available.
A counsellor then passed the information on to Victoria's Department of Health and Human Services.
"They didn't come over, they didn't do anything, they just said, 'This is what your daughter said'," Ms McCaffrey said.
"They didn't do any follow-ups or anything, so it actually just made the situation worse."
Feeling betrayed and isolated, she decided to wait it out until she could leave her home at 18.
"I just felt like, oh my gosh, these services, I can't trust anyone," she said.
Now 19, Ms McCaffrey has become an advocate for young people experiencing family violence, and is determined to improve the situation for others.
Together with other young people who have lived through family violence, she has produced an online video to share a message of hopefulness.
"We believe one thing that makes a difference are the messages of hope from young people, for young people," it says.
"You're not a victim — no matter what you have been through, you're still here.
"You may have been challenged, hurt, betrayed, beaten and discouraged, but nothing has defeated."
Young people see services as 'for older women with kids'According to the Crime Statistics Agency of Victoria, children are present at one in every three family violence incidents police attend.
Domestic Violence Victoria's CEO, Fiona McCormack, told a recent panel discussion on the issue that the state's family violence royal commission had identified a gap in services for young victims of family violence.
"Young women are much less likely to contact a family violence or a sexual assault service, because they think that's for older women with kids," she said.
"Often, family violence isn't dealt with consistently through youth services."
Among the 227 recommendations made by the royal commission were calls for more funding to support children and young people who are victims.
It recommended priority funding for therapeutic interventions and counselling.
Ms McCormack said that represented an opportunity for youth services and the family violence prevention sector to work together.
Ms McCaffrey said services should listen to what children and young people need, and not treat them like secondary victims of family violence.
"What you're going through, it's powerful, and you can definitely overcome it," she said.
"[You] need that message of hope, and to know that you're not the odd one out."


This article was written by Stephanie Anderson and has been copied from here.

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Family Violence + Family Court = 3 Monkeys

18/10/2017

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In Family Court there are the three monkeys when you mention Family Violence, see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil, I just can’t work out which one is worse.
In a letter I received from the Attorney General of Australia it states; The family law system plays an important role in helping to identify families at risk and protect them from harm.
I have sat in the Court room on many occasions when Family Violence has been overlooked, belittled or put aside. All of those outcomes are unacceptable. The Court has clear directions but in my belief is refusing to follow them.
The Independent Children’s Lawyer has the same directions in regards to Family Violence but due to a lack of training and knowledge again belittles, overlooks or ignores the Family Violence.
The Family Consultant or Expert report writers guidelines state that if Family Violence is mentioned they should conduct a risk assessment. First there is no direction to what a risk assessment is and secondly how do a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist with no training in Family Violence undertake the risk assessment.
I am often asked should I mention Family Violence in Court. This is a difficult question to answer. Unfortunately Family Violence is often used as a defence when it doesn’t exist, usually by narcissistic, controlling parents who are in fact the abusers but are often believed in Court. So when a parent goes to Court and mentions Family Violence the Court has to deuterium, if that parent is making false allegation or if there really is Family Violence.
I have heard a report writer on the stand say…. There were no visible injuries. Family Violence is so much more that physical. All the work the Family Violence campaigners are doing (which is to be commended) the Courts simply aren’t listening.
I hear almost daily that you don’t know how bad the system is until you are in it.. that is so true, so spread the word let people know, Family Violence in many cases is not recognised.
The Courts, ICL’s and report writers in my opinion struggle with the issue of Family Violence and in many of the cases they get it so wrong. The image of the three monkeys rings true they don’t want to see it, hear it or speak it because it simply complicates court cases.


This story was written by Annie Kelly and has been copied from here.
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WHY PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA IS MORE DAMAGING THAN PHYSICAL TRAUMA

17/10/2017

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You were lied to on the playground.  "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Neuroscientists and psychologists have proven in spades that words hurt most of all.

But first, let's establish that abuse of any kind is horrible, heinous, and deserving of attention and care. The impact of physical trauma ought never be minimized in order to shine a light on psychological trauma. Not only is all trauma valid, all perceptions of trauma are valid. Two people can experience the same event and have drastically different outcomes. One's experience isn't more or less valid than another. If it hurts, seek help. 

Physical trauma is visceral. There is hard, objective evidence of abuse. Most people don't question its validity. It's cut and dry. "If he hits you, you should leave." If you are beaten or shot in a senseless crime, no one will try to convince you it didn't really happen. Children who are physically abused are far more likely to be removed from an abusive environment and treated than those who are psychologically abused. People have sympathy for physical abuse. Because of its visual nature, it's a million times easier to depict in storytelling. There are plenty of stories in the zeitgeist where people are bullied and beaten up. In fact, establishing that a hero is physically abused is one of the easiest ways for an audience to sympathize with him and cheer him to a victory.

Physical trauma gets cards and flowers. Psychological trauma gets suspicion and sideways glances.  

Psychological trauma is hidden. There is no physical evidence, at least not in the way someone can see a bruise or a broken arm. Few people recognize that it even exists, let alone talk about it. It has to do with the neural pathways our brains create from all the information we take in in the course of our lives, given the way people treat us. While it is measurable, it is a highly complex and developing field. Understanding it requires interest and study.

Most of all, psychological trauma often stays hidden and misunderstood because of its own effects. Imagine a young child being told by a parent through words and behaviors, that she is worthless. Imagine that child being ignored when she had basic needs for comfort. Imagine she was told she was selfish for crying or asking for what she needs. Now, imagine that child is terrorized because the parent told her monsters will get her if she cries. Years later, when the grown woman tries to explain how she felt growing up, the same parent tells her she's just making things up. She was never abused. How ungrateful she is to accuse her parents....

Gaslighting, manipulation, minimization, and denial are the cornerstones of psychological trauma. "It didn't happen." "You're making that up." "You're exaggerating." "Ugh, you're so dramatic." "It wasn't that bad." "Other people have it so much worse." "It was a long time ago." "Just get over it." "First world problems...." "It's not like you were hit or anything." Guilt and shame heaped onto the abused by their abuser keeps everything in place. The question of whether it happened at all is the very thing that keeps victims from seeking treatment. Even for the someone who feels all the effects of the abuse, and can recall all sorts of specifics, getting over the question of whether it is valid is a huge step that many never make. 

The effects of psychological trauma are complex and long-term, and often result in a myriad of diseases later in life, including autoimmune issues, cancers, heart disease, anxiety and depression. Those who have experienced prolonged psychological trauma often have a general sense that something is "off" about them, but they can't quite put their finger on it. They often feel an inordinate amount of guilt, shame, or low self-esteem in spite of their accomplishments. Victims of psychological abuse often develop PTSD and C-PTSD. Some develop personality disorders and other forms of psychosis. It's serious stuff, and left untreated, it almost always ensures lifelong misery.
​


This article was written by xxx and has been copied from here.
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'Perspecticide' - here are the signs it's happening to you

16/10/2017

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  • People in abusive relationships may become victim to something called “perspecticide.”
  • It occurs when their abusive partner has made them believe so many things that aren’t true, they no longer know what is real.
  • They are effectively a prisoner in their own life, not being allowed to do anything or even think on their own terms.
Living with a controlling or abusive partner is confusing and draining. They blame you for things that weren’t your fault, or that you didn’t even do, and you become isolated from your friends and family in an attempt to keep the abuser happy.
The way you see the world can also completely change, because it may be dangerous for you to know the truth.
Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychology researcher at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and author of “Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship,” told Business Insider the word for this is “perspecticide.”
She said the word, which basically means “the incapacity to know what you know,” was first used in the literature on the brainwashing of prisoners of war, and has also been applied to people in cults.
“In an abusive or controlling relationship, over time the dominating partner changes how the victim thinks,” Fontes said. “The abuser defines what love is. The abuser defines what it appropriate in terms of monitoring the partner. The abuser defines what is wrong with the victim, and what she needs to do to change it.”
Over time, the victim — or survivor, if that is your preferred term — loses sense of what their own ideas, goals, and thoughts were. Instead, they start taking on those of their dominating partner.
“Through perspecticide, people give up their own opinions, religious affiliations, views of friends, goals in life, etc,” Fontes said. “I am not talking about the natural mutual influencing that occurs in all intimate relationships — this is much more nefarious and one-sided.”
Someone can fall into an abuser’s trap in a number of ways, but it’s often through psychological, emotional, or physical abuse. Once the victim has been hooked and reeled in, their partner starts to bring them down with belittling comments and insults.
However, they often pause the abuse with intermittent periods of kindness and warmth. This means the victim is trauma-bonded to their partner, constantly trying to make them happy, because they believe they deserve to be punished if they don’t.
Victims become prisoners in their own lives.The controlling partner might cut off resources like money and transportation, practically keeping the victim a prisoner. By living in fear, the victim changes how they view themselves and the world.
Fontes recalled several stories of people who had been controlled by their partners. All her examples were from women who were being abused, but it’s important to note that emotional, psychological, and physical abuse can happen to anyone.
One man convinced his wife she could not have her own toothbrush, because married couples share these things. He also never let her have any privacy — she wasn’t even allowed to close the door when she was using the bathroom.
Another husband slept all day so he could keep his wife up at night. He deliberately didn’t let her sleep, controlled what she ate, and hid her medication, which all made her physically weak. Eventually, she even forgot her age because everything down to the way she walked was managed by someone else.
Other stories involved a woman who believed her partner could read her mind, when really he was spying on her with cameras in her house and trackers in her belongings. Another man actually told his wife he had inserted a microphone into her fillings to monitor where she went all day.
“He was actually monitoring her through other routes, but she believed what he said — she had no other explanation for why he knew everything about her days,” Fontes said. “Of course, anyone who she told this to thought she was crazy. This isolated her further.”
For the victim, their life is overwhelmed with wondering how to appease their controlling partner. Fontes said they may even experience physical signs of stress over time such as changes to eating and sleeping, head or back aches, and digestive problems, because they are too worried about their partner’s wrath.
“A person who is being coercively controlled — even without physical violence — does not feel free to live their own life on their own terms,” she said.


​This article was written by Lindsay Dodgson and has been copied from here.

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Lindt Cafe perpetrator Man Haron Monis 'would not have been on bail if domestic violence was taken as seriously as terrorism'

15/10/2017

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This story is now nearly three years old but worthy of a revisit:

Family violence expert says Monis’s repeated attacks on women should have been paramount when bail was considered.

Man Haron Monis would never have been released on bail if domestic violence was taken more seriously in Australia, a prominent family violence expert and lawyer believes.
Two hostages died on Tuesday morning, along with Monis, after he held 15 people at gunpoint in a Sydney cafe for 16 hours.
Monis’s links to terrorist groups and religious affiliations have been extensively canvassed in the media.
But Dr Chris Atmore, a senior policy adviser with the Federation of Community Legal Centres, said his repeated attacks on women should have been paramount when bail was considered.
Monis was on bail for allegedly being an accessory to the murder of his ex-wife, and more than 40 charges of sexual and indecent assault.
“If these offences had been labelled as seriously as terrorism charges, there’s no way he would have been free to do what he did in Martin Place,” Atmore said.
She said violence against women also deserved to be labelled as terrorism.
“We reserve our greatest fear and shock and horror for a strange, international type of terrorism that we associate with groups like Islamic State, but don’t immediately make an association in this case between ordinary mundane terrorism, where men kill their wives.”
In a series of high-profile recent cases, men with a history of physical and sexual violence against women have killed while on bail, parole or facing charges, despite being deemed a low risk of harming again.
Last year, Julie Grant was murdered by her ex-partner, Shannon Mahon, who was on bail for assault.
In April, Fiona Warzywoda was stabbed to death by her de facto husband, who had a family violence order out against him.
In February Kelly Thompson was stabbed to death by her former partner, who had frequently breached intervention orders.
In the same month Greg Anderson murdered his 11-year-old son, Luke Batty, while facing 11 criminal charges, most of them domestic violence related. He also faced child sex abuse charges.
Like Anderson, few of those who knew Monis believed he was capable of killing. Both men had radical and delusional religious leanings and beliefs, and both had allegedly previously threatened to kill.
A spokesman for the male violence prevention organisation No to Violence, Rodney Vlais, said bail applications were always difficult for magistrates and judges, but the debate around Monis urgently needed to include violence against women.
“Man Haron Monis was charged with a number of very serious family violence and sexual assault offences,” Vlais told Guardian Australia.
“While this has been mentioned briefly in some media reports, its lack of focus provides the message that his terrorism only ‘started’ with the awful and tragic Sydney siege. His former wife and those women who he had allegedly sexually assaulted were also victims of his terrorism.”
On Wednesday the prime minister, Tony Abbott, acknowledged the systemic failings in dealing with Monis. Abbott described him as “deeply unstable” and highlighted his long history of violence and mental illness, but did not specifically mention his violence against women.
“The system did not adequately deal with this individual, there is no doubt about that,” Abbott said, promising answers in a “report that will be out there for all to see”.
But Vlais said it was disappointing that the mid-year economic and fiscal outlook statement, released earlier this week, significantly increased resources to address terrorism, while ignoring family violence.
“Not one cent of this money is being committed towards preventing men’s terrorism addressed directly towards women through family violence and sexual assault,” he said.
“By not linking his violence to violence against women, Abbott communicates that there are two different types and one deserves focus and attention and understable government response while completely minimising the importance of violence against women – which is almost all of [Monis’s] previous violence.”


This story was written by Melissa Davey in December 2014 and has been copied from here.

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Activists accuse Coalition of breaking pledge to tackle domestic violence

15/10/2017

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Campaigners against family violence have accused the federal government of allowing the issue to drop off the agenda, following a number of deaths and alleged attacks in recent weeks.
June Oh Seo is facing domestic violence-related charges after his 34-year-old girlfriend Hee Kyung Choi was found dead in an alleyway below his balcony in Chatswood, northern Sydney. In Campsie, also in Sydney, Qing Ming Song was charged with the attempted murder of his partner after he allegedly attacked her with a hammer and a carving knife in an attack police said left her “unrecognisable”.
In western Sydney, a 30-year-old woman was found dead with a stab wound to her torso last month. In a statement, police said they arrested 26-year-old man in relation to the death and charged him with murder and with contravening an apprehended domestic violence order. And also last month, an 87 year-old man was killed with a hammer and a knife in his home in Liverpool, New South Wales. His son was later charged with murder.
Moo Baulch, the chief executive of Domestic Violence NSW, said not much had changed since the prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, addressed a Council of Australian Governments (COAG) summit on the issue in Brisbane a year ago when he said family violence was “a disgrace”, adding “we should have zero tolerance for this”.
But Baulch said: “there was a lot of disappointment in the sector because family violence has since dropped off COAG's agenda”.
“I haven’t heard anything more from the federal government since COAG met around this time last year, which is disappointing,” she told Guardian Australia. “I believe they have produced a report, but my feeling is that it’s pretty disappointing. Governments haven’t continued that level of conversation at the COAG level.”
However, she praised the Victorian government for committing to significant reforms as part of $1.9bn family violence package. She said it was disappointing that some other states and territories were not following Victoria’s lead, though she praised the Queensland government for also making significant investments into the sector.
“Victoria has so many lessons for the rest of the country,” she said. “The findings from the royal commission into family violence about broken and underfunded systems and lack of communication between agencies are lessons for all of us. In NSW we have pursued a police and criminal justice response and much of the resource in terms of budget allocation is going into a safer pathway referral system which is really important. But ultimately we need those frontline services like refuges and longterm housing funded long term.
“We know what works when it comes to addressing domestic and family violence, and that’s a well-resourced, specialist service system and housing. Investments in both are lacking in NSW.”
Guardian Australia has contacted the federal minister for women, Michaelia Cash, for comment. The NSW minister for the prevention of family violence, Pru Goward, did not respond directly to concerns that not enough was being done.
“The NSW government will continue to work hard to support victim-survivors and hold perpetrators to account,” she said. “We are doing this through providing crisis accommodation and housing support, case management through the court process, and educating perpetrators to address their violence.”
The chief executive of Domestic Violence Victoria, Fiona McCormack, said Cash had not contacted her about addressing the issue of family violence since Coag.
“It would be great to see regular conversations occurring between the federal government, COAG, and non-government organisations,” she said.
“We don’t have a regular mechanism through which to talk to the federal government about this issue.”
McCormack said people regularly told her that they wanted government action and investment in family violence, but that the federal government was not meeting these community expectations.
“At a national level we have seen a few steps like the introduction of Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety, and we have a national prevention agency, but that’s not anywhere near enough. If you compare the investment to efforts made in national security it’s not enough, despite women and children being murdered at regular intervals.”
Cathy Humphreys, a professor of social work from the University of Melbourne, said Coag was concerned with national security but had failed to make the connection between terrorism and family violence.
Man Haron Monis, the Lindt cafe gunman in Sydney in 2014, was on bail for allegedly being an accessory to the murder of his ex-wife, and for more than 40 charges of sexual and indecent assault, at the time he carried out the cafe attack.
“Terrorists responsible for a number of attacks also often have a history of domestic violence or have grown up with it,” she said. “There is a link between terrorism and intimate partner terrorism.”
She said if governments wanted to tackle national security it made sense to also invest funding into preventing family violence.
“It is disappointing that family violence has just dropped off the COAG agenda,” she said.



This article was written by Melissa Davey ​and was copied from here.
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Pass all the laws you like, but domestic violence victims need shelters

15/10/2017

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The NSW Government's new domestic violence package is very welcome, but the fact remains that we need more safe spaces for victims to go, otherwise the terrible statistics will not go down, writes Roxanne McMurray.
The NSW Government deserves to be congratulated for yesterday's announcement of a $60 million package targeting perpetrators of domestic violence as well as additional funding for refuges.
On top of the $100 million announcement by Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull recently, it's another sign that domestic violence is being taken seriously by all levels of government.
The Premier, Mike Baird, has rightly described domestic violence as a plague that needs to be eradicated, and strong measures supporting new police squads to tackle repeat and serious offenders, as well as calling them exactly what they are - serious criminals - sends the right message loud and clear.
Assistant Police Commissioner Mick Fuller said perpetrators would be treated the same as armed robbers and police would "sit off their house and pull them out of the pub" if necessary. It's another strong commitment from the Government, along with video cameras to record evidence at domestic violence scenes, to increase police powers. NSW police are regularly reported at community meetings talking about domestic violence as the number one issue facing their local command, so they're very welcome measures.
SOS has been lobbying the Government for an on-call 24-hour staff member at every refuge in NSW, and yesterday additional funds were allocated to boosting 24-hour access as well as specialist support services, which we're hopeful will be rolled out state-wide.
There were further details in the package about the Government's plans for a domestic violence disclosure centre, which is a common sense measure that will allow people to apply to police for information about their partner's history of domestic violence.
A similar scheme known as Clare's Law began last year in the UK. It may be too early to evaluate the UK scheme, a point that has been raised by the Law Society of NSW. A report by the UK government before their trial began raised concerns about the impact on police resources and whether perpetrators would move onto new victims. The NSW model will link women to services after receiving the information and will hopefully benefit from the UK's experience as it's rolled out.
If women have nowhere safe to go or it's made too difficult for them to leave, they won't.


However, we remain very concerned the Government continues to say refuges haven't been closed in NSW. It's true that none of the buildings have closed, but just because the same buildings are being used doesn't mean it's the same thing. In fact, there are only a handful of specialist refuges left.
Most refuges now mix homeless women with women and children escaping domestic violence, which is not always appropriate and is placing enormous strain on an already stretched system.
Over the last two weeks, we've spoken with every refuge in NSW and most are referring domestic violence victims to motels and caravan parks because they now have to take in homeless women, which leaves victims exposed or reluctant to leave home. We've heard reports of women with young children not feeling safe and leaving homelessness services to sleep in their cars or return home, because the environment is not as safe as it should be.
All but three refuges in NSW reported full capacity nearly every day of the week. One refuge on the Central Coast had turned away five domestic violence victims on the afternoon we spoke to them.
The result is that the overflow of women are being referred to a hotline where they're put through lengthy questioning and a conveyor belt of referrals, and if they manage to get through that in the middle of a hugely traumatic event, they are often sent to a motel or caravan park unaccompanied. We don't think that's the best outcome, especially in country towns where women are easily tracked down by the men they're escaping. As one operator said to us, "They are wizards at finding them". A system like that is a ticking time bomb.
Yesterday's announcement represents a significant change in the language and is hope for much more to come. Strong police measures are necessary and welcome and the recent funding from the Federal Government is also. But the glaring problem that keeps being overlooked is: it doesn't matter how many resources the police are given, how many laws are passed, how many hotlines or education programs are funded, if women have nowhere safe to go or it's made too difficult for them to leave, they won't.
And if they stay in those dangerous situations these terrible statistics will not go down and the shocking deaths will sadly continue.


This article was written by Roxanne McMurray and was copied from here.

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Forget that it's an advert... jar lids send a powerful message

12/10/2017

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20,000 jar lids have been used to create a massive mural depicting the face of domestic violence survivor Felicity Cook. The six-metre by 10-metre artwork was installed on George Street today and sits below a message that reads “Love Shouldn’t Hurt”.

Two Good, Deliveroo and American Express teamed up and commissioned Sydney-based artist Noula Diamantopoulos to create the work. It’s to promote a partnership that will see American Express donate 20,000 Two Good meals to women in domestic violence safe houses across Sydney and Melbourne, starting today.
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The mural is also a tribute to women affected by domestic violence in Australia.

“Not only will it [the partnership] help us triple the amount of meals we’re able to deliver to women in need each week, it will also help us double the amount of staff we hire from shelters and refuges to create the meals,” says Two Good founder Rob Caslick. “[And] further expand our kitchens in Melbourne to have a larger impact in the city.”

When you use an American Express card to buy any Deliveroo order, a Two Good meal will be delivered to a woman in need.

One of the meals destined for women in shelters is the The Kylie Kwong (Billy Kwong), with hokkien noodles, carrot, cabbage and herbs.


This article was written by Amanda Valmorbida and has been copied from here.
The video can be viewed here.
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We need to address the prevalence of domestic violence

11/10/2017

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It starts off small. He holds you too aggressively or gets angry at you when you choose to hang out with your friends instead of him. You excuse it because it’s so minuscule; people get upset sometimes. Everyone has off days. You love him, you want him to be happy and you think that you can help him get through whatever it is he is going through. 
He does it again, this time it escalates, he apologizes profusely. You get upset, but you forgive him; you love him and it has only happened a few times. You worry about what he will think of you if you do something he doesn’t like and try to understand where he’s coming from before he gets angry. He tells you he’s disappointed in you and that you complain too much, but assures you that he “loves you”. Things begin to escalate and you start to accept yourself as secondary. This is how a cycle is born.
I was lucky to grow up in an incredibly loving home. My parents never fought in front of me, and I only ever saw them argue over trivial things like where to go out to eat or the quickest route to get somewhere. I had no idea what a violent relationship might look like; my friends and I never talked about our parents' practices or what it was like when we weren’t with each other. I thought everyone grew up like me, but as I got older I started to hear parents talk. The same friends whose houses I went over for lunch every day confided in me and told me how they had always envied me for how much love was in our family. I started to understand that not everyone had my parents.
As I grew up, more of my friends started to date. I was again shocked to see the way some boys felt justified in treating my friends, some of whom learned these behaviors from their upbringings. They called their girlfriends stupid and made comments about the sizes of their waists in front of their friends. Some were pressured into sex and told that if they didn’t do it they would be broken up with. 
The fear of losing someone they loved kept them going, and as I grew up and grew older, I started to understand where they were coming from. It is not easy to leave someone you love even if they don’t understand how to love you back. In my adult life, many of the people close to me have struggled from this. 
October is domestic violence awareness month. It is a month we should use to reflect on our own dating practices and become energized and activated by the prevalence of interpersonal violence. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, almost half of college-aged women will experience some sort of violent or abusive dating behaviors during her enrollment. Nearly half of both college-aged men and women have been in a relationship in which their partner is psychologically abusive. Between 14-25% of women will be sexually assaulted by partners in an intimate relationship. 
These numbers are especially troubling considering how rare it is to see justice in one of these situations. While it is hard and at times dangerous to let go, it is also exhausting to navigate the legal process and endure seeing an abusive partner again. 
If you feel like you might be in an abusive relationship, you should know that your experiences are valid and help is just a call away. You are loved and infinitely more important than the way you are being treated. 
If you suspect one of your friends is in an abusive relationship, be supportive and listen to them. Do not judge them or tell them how you would have done things differently. You are not in their shoes and should only offer your unwavering love and support. 
Involve yourself in the community. This month, a group of on-campus partners including the WGRC, URGE, Panhellenic, Not On My Campus, SGA, Crossroads and more will be delving deeper into the topic of domestic violence. Volunteer for our local shelter, Turning Point, or collect goods that they need amongst your friends. Domestic violence touches all of our lives in some capacity; we experience it in different magnitudes, but each experience is important and should not be tolerated. 
Join UA’s domestic violence awareness group Team One Love and encourage others to get involved in their conversations surrounding domestic violence and recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Once we begin to hold ourselves and others accountable for our actions, we can take the necessary steps towards creating an environment where love is consensual, healthy and above all, safe.


​This article was written by Madeline Anscombe and was copied from here.
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Bail denied in alleged violent assault case

11/10/2017

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An Alfredton man accused of violently assaulting and raping his former partner has been described as the worst case of family violence a detective has seen in a decade.
The man, who The Courier has chosen not to name, was refused bail at the Ballarat Magistrates Court on Friday due to his risk of reoffending and endangering the community.
The court was told the man’s alleged violence against his then partner started in July 2015.
Detective Senior Constable Larissa Murphy said the man’s offending had escalated to the point the victim feared he would kill her.
"In my 12 years of policing I have not seen a family violence incident as bad as this one," Detective Senior Constable Murphy said.
She said the victim had spent three days in hospital recovering from a horrific assault where she suffered fractures, cuts and bruises.
The man and the woman separated six weeks ago but she agreed to meet him at a Delacombe park.
Police allege the man pulled the woman into his car and drove her back to his house.
Detective Senior Constable Murphy said the pair started arguing in the lounge room and he picked up a metal pole to beat her.
She said the woman was in and out of consciousness when the man dragged her into the shower.
He then allegedly held a razor to her neck and threatened to kill her and himself.
The court was told the victim was unconscious at times while he allegedly raped her.
He allegedly refused to take her to a doctor to treat her injuries.
Detective Senior Constable Murphy said the victim told police she left the man six weeks ago before he would kill her.
"She feels she has to give him money to leave her alone," she said.
She said photos taken of the victim after the assault were horrendous.
Defence lawyer Angie Wong said her client could be excluded from Ballarat if granted bail.
She said the man’s family were willing to let him live with them in Bendigo or Melbourne, and offer a house title for surety.
The court was told the man had an acquired brain injury that caused him to become enraged and his brother knew how to calm him.
But magistrate Jonathan Klestadt said prosecutors had a strong case and the man faced a lengthy term of imprisonment.
He said he was concerned about the man contacting the victim, given he allegedly prevented her from attending court in June.
The man will return to court on December 7 for a committal mention.


This article was written by Erin Williams and was copied from here.


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'He was very abusive': Kerri-Anne Kennerley reveals violent first marriage

11/10/2017

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She’s an Australian television legend who has graced our screens for more than 50 years, but before she became a household name Kerri-Anne Kennerley was living in New York city and trapped in a violent relationship with her first husband.In an exclusive interview with Sunday Night, the Logie Hall of Fame inductee revealed she was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of an American music producer named Jimmy Miller.
“He was very abusive at times and you realise you can’t go on like that. But also, it’s really hard to get out,” Kerri-Anne revealed to reporter Angela Cox.
“Somebody controls every aspect of your life, everything you do, everything you say virtually, everybody you meet and your world gets smaller and smaller and smaller and it’s sort of really almost normal… but somewhere in there you know it’s not normal.”
Pushed to the brink, Kerri-Anne decided enough was enough – and armed herself with a gun.
“He always had a .22 rifle above the door in the bedroom so I just remember I was actually quite calm about it, I just went and got the gun, aimed it at him and said, ‘I will shoot you if you come anywhere near me’,” she said.
While she was married to Jimmy, Kerri-Anne became friends with John Kennerley – an English businessman who was instantly smitten by the young Australian.
After another violent episode with Jimmy, Kerri-Anne turned to John for support.
“She arrived at my doorstep with a black eye and a bit of a bloody nose and I realised exactly what was happening from then on,” John said.
That night, after spending hours talking, the couple shared their first kiss.
“That was sort of just a whole awakening,” Kerri-Anne said.
“That was very memorable to me and I sort of realised I was kissing the girl I was going to be spending my life with,” John added.


This article was copied from here.
View the episode of Sunday Night here.
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Queensland father fractured his newborn baby's skull, femur, ribs, collarbone and arm, but walks free with custody of the boy and two other children

5/10/2017

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A father who shook his infant so hard he fractured its skull will tuck that same child into bed tonight after he walked free from court.
The charges date back to 2012 when the boy's parents - who can't be named to protect the child's identity - first took him home after he'd been hospitalised following a premature birth.
Just one month later, paramedics were called to the couple's Yandina address by the boy's mother as he was "listless", gasping for air and suffering periods of apnoea of between five and 10 seconds.
Once hospitalised, the mother told doctors her son had choked on vomit at home and become "floppy and purple".
Tests showed the child was suffering a fractured skull, ribs, collarbone, arm and femur as well as stretching and tearing of nerve cells in the brain and facial bruising.
It was determined the injuries were "non-accidental" and that weeks prior to the boy's hospitalisation the father had squeezed him - causing some of the fractures - and 24 hours prior shaken him.
The mother had regularly taken their son to the doctor, with all reports indicating the child was healthy bar some bruising to his arm.
Episodes of crying were put down to reflux and constipation which were treated by the GP.
Throughout three police interviews the parents, who have since had two other children, denied any wrongdoing.
The child was released from hospital in June 2012 into the care of his maternal grandmother, but just 18 months later he was back with his parents as the Department of Child Safety had no further concerns.
Police charged the pair in relation to the injuries in April 2014, but the child still remained in their care.
Today in Maroochydore District Court the father pleaded guilty to single counts of assault occasioning bodily harm and grievous bodily harm - while the mother pleaded guilty to cruelty to a child under 16.
The basis of her charge was that she failed to notify the infant's doctor of the injuries and failed to prevent further "non-accidental" harm even upon seeing the bruises.
Despite the extent of the injuries, the boy has suffered no lasting physical damage.
A forensic psychologist reported the father's "dysfunctional upbringing" caused him to struggle with parenthood, but he was now at a "low or very low" risk of re-offending.
Character references also described the mother as "loving", "devoted" and an "everyday young woman".
Judge John Robertson said while he was faced with a "difficult decision", sentencing the parents to prison would have an impact on their victim and other children.
The mother was given a 12-month good behaviour bond.
The father - who was seen laughing and smiling while walking from the courthouse - was sentenced to three years probation for the assault and a four-year suspended prison sentence for the grievous bodily harm.
Outside the court house officer-in-charge of the Sunshine Coast Child Protection and Investigation Unit, Detective Senior Sergeant Phil Hurst, said the two-year investigation was "incredibly difficult" as the child was unable to talk to police.


This article was written by Chloe Lyons and has been copied from here.

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Teens and domestic violence

5/10/2017

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October [in the USA] is recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness month, and although domestic violence is mostly associated with adults, an expert at Baylor College of Medicine says teens too often experience this type of abuse.

“In general when we think about domestic violence among teens we really think more about intimate partner violence,” said Ruth Buzi, associate professor and director of social services at the Baylor Teen Health Clinic.  
Intimate partner violence can be subdivided into four different categories: 
  • Physical violence
  • Sexual violence
  • Threat of physical or sexual violence
  • Psychological and emotional abuse
Physical and sexual violence are normally identified as the worst forms of intimate partner violence; however, psychological and emotional abuse are very significant among teens, Buzi said. 
“All forms of intimate partner violence are damaging to teens. If you think about where they are developmentally, it is important to support them because those forms of relationships can be so discouraging and effect teens in many negative, long-lasting ways,” she said. 
According to Buzi, one in 10 teens experience rape through intimate partner violence, one in six experience sexual abuse other than rape, one in four experience severe physical violence and one in two experience psychological aggression. 
Among teens, domestic violence that affects reproductive health is common and is done to maintain control and power over the relationship, she said. 
“What we see is coercion around reproductive healthcare,” Buzi said. “Partners are more likely to jeopardize use of contraceptives because if a girl becomes pregnant, she is likely to stay in the relationship. This jealousy and need to control the partner can affect the choices of the girls, especially girls who are engaged in a relationship where violence is present and are afraid to insist on condom use.” 
Domestic violence among teens is more likely to occur when drugs and alcohol are present, and it is commonly associated with family and community violence. Teens who observe family violence, either male or female, may assume it is okay to act that way. They learn to accept that this is what it takes to be in a relationship, and intimate partner violence becomes normal. 
Buzi says signs of intimate partner violence as either a perpetrator or victim can result in these types of behavioral and physical changes: 
  • Pattern changes
  • Less interest in school
  • Losing friends due to partner control
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Bruises
Any type of behavior change that occurs when a teen is in a relationship may suggest that there is some type of abuse occurring. Parents who begin to notice these changes are advised to check in with their teen, acknowledge the behavioral changes and seek additional help. 
“It is important to educate teens that they do not deserve to be treated in an abusive way. They should know that they deserve to be respected, treated with fairness and allowed to be happy and pursue life goals. Abusive relationships are unhealthy, and anyone has the right to live their life free of abuse,” Buzi said. 


This article was written by Jeannette Jimenez and has been copied from here.

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October 05th, 2017

5/10/2017

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'Critical lack of housing' for women with disabilities fleeing domestic violence

5/10/2017

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Disability advocates and domestic violence service providers in Tasmania say a lack of housing remains a critical issue.
Services providers said although some progress had been made since the Tasmanian Government announced its landmark Family Violence Action Plan in 2015, more investment in housing was urgently needed.
Advocate Jane Wardlaw said women with disabilities in the northern part of the state faced huge barriers when fleeing family violence.
"We've been working with a lot of younger women who are experiencing some form of family or domestic violence, accessing accommodation for them because there might not be enough room or might not be enough access issues," she said.
Ms Wardlaw said women living with a disability were 40 per cent more likely to experience domestic violence.
She said despite this there was a critical lack of services for them, particularly in the northern part of the state.
"They continue to live in high risk of domestic violence," she said.
She said there was an urgent need for more research and funding into the needs of women with a disability who were affected by family violence.
"There must … be a national audit on accessibility issues of crisis accommodation issues across Australia," she said.
"Access is not simply about wheelchairs and physical disability, it also impacts people with different thinking capacities and people who may have be experiencing considerable other complex disabilities, such as vision impairment."
More housing needed for vulnerable familiesHobart Women's Shelter spokeswoman Janet Saunders said the organisation currently had two accessible units, but residents needed to be able to live independently.
The shelter's new replacement 15-unit facility, which had been delayed until February, will have two accessible units and 24-hour staff.
Ms Saunders said there was a critical lack of housing for women with the shelter unable to assist an average of 290 callers a month since April.
"There still needs to be more housing," she said.
"Our families are only with us for six weeks and once they leave us they need to move into transitional housing, or something that is more permanent, and what we are finding is those exit pathways are declining."
The State Government said it had funded the new Hobart Women's Shelter and committed to lease an extra 50 rental properties a year that were already being used across Tasmania by both women and men and their children escaping family violence.


This article was written by Rhiana Whitson and has been copied from here.

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Spanish Catholic Archbishop Says Domestic Violence is “Caused by Women Not Obeying Men”

5/10/2017

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Braulio Rodriguez told his congregation in Toledo, Spain, that wives could also escape being physically abused by not asking their husbands for a divorce
The Roman Catholic Archbishop of Toledo, Braulio Rodriguez, told his congregation that wives could avoid being hit by doing what they are told.
Women could also escape being physically abused by not asking their husbands for a divorce , Rodriguez said.
He told churchgoers in his sermon: “The majority of cases of domestic violence happen because the woman’s partner does not accept them, or rejects them for not accepting their demands.
“Or often the macho reaction comes about because she asked for a separation.”
He also said many relationship problems occurred because the couple were not in a ‘true marriage’, and he criticised the practice of ‘quickie divorces’.
He said: “I don’t think our political leaders are worried about divorce figures when they have fought so hard to implement the so-called quick divorce.”
Thousands of furious Spanish women have now taken to social media to slam the cleric.
One wrote: “The archbishop of Toledo has linked domestic violence to couples not being in a ‘proper marriage’. So says the celibate man who believes in a ghost.”
Another added: “He should be locked up for inciting violence. This idiot should keep his medieval views to himself.”


This article has been copied from here.
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Yes, women abuse too - even senior police constables...

5/10/2017

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A police officer has been charged with domestic violence offences after an altercation with her partner at their Spring Farm home.
The 44-year-old senior constable, who is attached to the South West Metropolitan Region, was charged after she allegedly threatened her 43-year-old male partner at their home on September 3.
The incident was reported to Camden Police and the woman was arrested at about 10pm last night before being taken to Narellan Police Station.
She had been charged with common assault (domestic violence) and intimidation (domestic violence).
She has been granted conditional bail and will appear at Camden Local Court on October 12.


This article was written by Daniel Zautsen, Macarthur Chronicle Camden and has been copied from here.

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