Domestic-violence experts say it’s rarely that easy. So police and social workers are reaching out.

Maddy Brockert left home at 16.
She had to choose between sharing a house with her mother’s boyfriend — a man with a history of domestic violence — and going somewhere safe.
Susan Brockert, 44, helped carry her daughter’s belongings to her ex-husband’s house.
“She dropped off a sweatshirt and said ‘I love you,’ ” Maddy Brockert said. “That was the last time I saw her.”
Susan Brockert was beaten to death on the night of May 23, 2011. Her boyfriend was sentenced to life in prison.
Maddy Brockert is now 22. She graduated from college in the spring. Over the last six years, she has shared her mother’s story and helped others who found themselves in a similar situation.
Barriers
As a teen, Maddy Brockert didn’t understand why her mother stayed in a relationship that cost her so much.
Advocates with Domestic Violence Services of Snohomish County say the answer isn’t simple.
“Why don’t they leave? … The question should be, What are the barriers keeping them there?” said Laura Mulholland, a legal advocacy manager with Domestic Violence Services.
The Everett-based nonprofit serves domestic-violence survivors and their families. Its youth center bears Susan Brockert’s name. The organization’s services, including housing and support groups, target those things that can keep people from escaping abusive partners.
The nonprofit also protects people when they do leave.
Jacoba Ramirez-Rodriguez, 34, had endured the physical abuse and anger for years. The Monroe woman decided to divorce her husband in 2013.
She asked a judge to order her husband to leave her alone.
Officers in Monroe offered to deliver the court papers, but Ramirez-Rodriguez wanted to do it herself.
Two days later, her husband bought a kitchen knife and went to the restaurant they had owned in downtown. He stabbed her 19 times as she tried to hand him the protection order.
Ramirez-Rodriguez died about a week later.
Monroe police detective Barry Hatch said officers typically receive several domestic-violence calls a day. After Ramirez-Rodriguez’s death, dozens of people gathered outside of a church in town with candles to honor her and other victims of domestic violence. They prayed and sang songs.
“For every one Jacoba, there are hundreds of other victims who are suffering through the same thing,” Hatch said.
The Monroe Police Department brought a domestic-violence legal advocate on board about two years ago. Barbara del Mar Robles with Domestic Violence Services contracts with the police department. She is stationed at the precinct every Monday and Wednesday.
In 2016, officers in Monroe investigated 138 cases related to domestic violence. Nearly 200 were logged the year before.
Robles reaches out to people they meet in those investigations, and offers help. She walks them through what may be an unfamiliar legal process, including how to petition for a protection order. She eases the transition into an emergency shelter or supportive housing. Robles also stands with survivors in court so they don’t feel alone.
Policing domestic violence
Domestic violence was not always policed.
Early on, advocacy and law enforcement organizations operated independently. Many police departments now are welcoming advocates to their staffs.
Before Monroe police contracted for a domestic-violence advocate, a chaplain took on those duties in addition to law enforcement responsibilities, which sometimes drew her away from the station.
“That’s the biggest difference. (Robles) is physically here,” said Debbie Willis, a Monroe Police Department spokeswoman.
Robles has been invited to speak at meetings with officers. They identify clues to watch out for and how they can help others in their capacity as police. She has noticed more officers referring cases to her, even if the possibility of violence is just a hunch.
“A lot of unhealthy dating relationships have been normalized,” Mulholland said. “It’s making it harder to reach out.”
Not all signs of domestic violence are apparent.
Red flags
Susan Brockert was athletic and stood 6 feet tall. After meeting Philip “Howie” Zimmerman, she began skipping her weekly softball games.
Tuesdays instead became date night.
The couple, who had met online in 2009, sat down at a table in a pub one November evening. Zimmerman ordered a beer and she got iced tea. Maddy Brockert remembers Zimmerman getting “out of control” while drinking.
“He got mad that she didn’t want a drink,” she said.
They left before they cracked open the menus.
Susan Brockert took Maddy to dinner elsewhere that night. While they ate at Olive Garden, her mother’s phone was bombarded with text messages. The landline repeatedly rang when they returned home. They yanked the cord out of the jack to make it stop.
Susan Brockert walked into her daughter’s room later that night. She instructed her to stay inside with the door locked. Something about Zimmerman’s messages had worried her. The teen soon heard pounding at the front door and peeked outside. Her mother’s belongings were burning in the front yard.
A judge approved a protection order the next day.
Susan Brockert promised her kids that Zimmerman wouldn’t hurt them.
A brief silence
The Brockert home quieted down, but not for long.
The couple began talking again about two weeks later. Zimmerman agreed to couple’s therapy. Susan Brockert seemed hopeful.
She believed he could change, Maddy Brockert said. Time has helped her realize it may have been more complicated than that.
“I think she was scared. She was 44 with two kids,” Maddy Brockert said. “I don’t think she wanted to start over.”
It was guilt, too, she said. Zimmerman was in the middle of a messy divorce at the time. He reportedly blamed Susan Brockert for the subsequent falling out with his own family.
It wasn’t until after her mother died that Maddy Brockert found out he was making threats.
By January 2011, Zimmerman moved into their house.
The 16-year-old told her mom she didn’t feel safe at home anymore. Something had to change.
“She said, ‘Then go,’ ” Maddy Brockert said. “Even after she died, that was really hard for me because I felt like she chose him over me.”
“Mom, be careful”
Susan Brockert was rewarded by her company with a trip to Hawaii to celebrate 15 years on the job.
She worked for BDA, Inc., an advertising agency based in Woodinville. Zimmerman and some of her co-workers tagged along for the island get-away.
Maddy Brockert’s younger brother overheard an argument the night before the couple’s flight.
The 10-year-old recognized something was wrong. Before his mother left for the airport, he told her, “Mom, be careful.”
Before long, Maddy Brockert’s father visited her at high school. He told her Susan Brockert was dead.
The teen asked: “Did Howie do it?”
Zimmerman beat Susan Brockert in their hotel room. Co-workers heard screams, but hotel employees couldn’t break down the door in time.
BDA, Inc. donated money to name the youth center in Everett after Susan Brockert.
A safe space
Many Monroe families settled in the bucolic town after immigrating north.
The local police department and elementary school launched their own Spanish-language programs. Frank Wagner Elementary is the only school in Snohomish County that offers a program where kids learn to speak, read and write in two languages. Teachers also lead classes to help students learn English.
Not being from here also is something that an abuser can use as leverage.
People worry that if they ask police for help, their partners will try to get them deported, Robles said.
The bulk of her clients were born in Mexico and other Spanish-speaking countries. Immigration status often comes up in their conversations.
With a tumultuous political climate, “there’s more of a heightened fear,” she said.
Earlier this month, President Donald Trump announced he planned to phase out the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program. Under the program, young immigrants have had the opportunity to study and work in the U.S. Trump also pardoned a former sheriff from Arizona last month who’d been convicted of disobeying a judge’s order to stop racial profiling, largely targeting the Latino population.
“They’re not wanting to come forward to report anything that involves police,” Robles said.
Hatch, the detective in Monroe, said the police department is not an extension of immigration enforcement.
“We’re here to help victims, which could result in an arrest of a suspect. And that’s it,” Willis said.
Robles says her office is a safe space.
She has referred clients to an organization that focuses on immigrants’ rights. Robles, who grew up in Puerto Rico, hopes to form a new support group where people can talk in Spanish.
She has visited local businesses and a church to let them know she is around. Her tie to Domestic Violence Services makes it easy to connect people to resources.
The nonprofit hosts support groups where people can meet weekly.
“Isolation is a huge problem in domestic violence,” Mulholland said. “This is a way for them to talk and get it all out there.”
The nonprofit provides funding to help domestic-violence survivors escape from an abusive partner. A 52-bed emergency shelter also gives parents and children a safe place to sleep. The location is kept confidential.
A garage nearby was recently converted into a space for the kids to play. The only part that still resembles a garage is the rolling doors, which have been painted a lively green. Colorful bean bags are piled on the floor. A small, wooden step stool is kept by a tall shelf so that little arms can reach the rows of books.
“They can be very scared at home if home is not a safe place,” Mulholland said. “When they’re safe, they blossom.”


This article was written by Caitlin Tompkins and has been copied from here.

There is great irony in writing or producing a story about violence against women.
Many of my colleagues often experience the trauma of inserting themselves into the violent reality of one of the millions of Australian women who has experienced abuse.
Vicariously breathing in control, fear and abuse so they can exhale it out on to a page, or down the camera. All the while knowing that no matter how many words your editor allows it will never be enough to do justice to this woman's experience.
In our digital age, the irony seeps in through comments at the bottom of articles or through a social media backlash.
Deeply personal attacks and threats are continually made against journalists who labour to bring this issue to national attention, ironically often threatened with precisely the kind of violence they seek to bring to light.
To quote: "The day of the rope draws nearer with every online whinge post you make".

Also, indignant cries of 'not all men are violent!' and 'what about violence against men?' are commonplace on the webpages of our daily tabloid newspapers.
Any feminist who has ever opened their mouth -- or put finger to keyboard on the issue of violence against women -- does so in full knowledge that this sort of venom will come back at THEM.
Of course, not all men are violent, but all victims of violence deserve support, treatment and care.
Eliminating gender from any analysis of family violence would leave us with zero hope of ever actually addressing the problem.
Prevention requires us to understand WHY the perpetrators of family violence are almost always male and why so many women are at risk of becoming -- or already are -- victims.
A recent study by Women in Media found trolling of female journalists in particular was insidious. The survey revealed that in-house journalists are most likely to experience this, with 41 percent being trolled, while 1 in 5 freelancers are cyber-stalked.
But, in spite of the trolls, the faceless keyboard assassins, who threaten our lives and the safety of our families, we persist.
We persist because we have to. Because something's got to give.
And for once, it won't be women.
Reporting on violence against women, as with mental health, has its complexities. But that does not mean that any of us should shy away from it.
Journalists, like society, are learning.
We are learning about the power of the words we use.
We are learning about the link between sexism and violence against women.
We are learning that 'boys will be boys' is not a valid excuse anymore for aggression and abuse.
We are learning... we all have the power to do something about this violence.
______________________
This is an excerpt from Sandra's speech at the Our Watch Awards ceremony on 21 Sept 2017 and has been copied from here.

Every morning a small, select group of police officers head into Surfers Paradise police station to tackle one of the Gold Coast’s, and Australia’s, biggest problems — family violence.
It’s covers all of society’s dark issues: Child abuse, substance abuse, financial stress and physical violence.
And yet, day in, day out, these police officers at the Gold Coast’s Domestic and Family Violence Taskforce return to work, determined to prevent the next violent incident.

MEET THE TASKFORCE
Discretely hidden between two towering hotels sits the Ferny Avenue Surfers Paradise Police Station, home to the Domestic and Family Violence Taskforce.
In this building five detectives and five uniformed police officers work together to prevent family violence and child abuse, made up of serious violence detectives, auditing officers and district domestic violence liaison officers.
Detective Inspector Marc Hogan is head of the taskforce, supported by about 950 police officers around the district.
Some of the members of the Gold Coast’s Domestic and Family Violence Taskforce. Picture: Jerad WilliamsThe taskforce also works alongside a multitude of external and internal agencies, including the Department of Community Services, Child Safety, specialist domestic violence providers, the Department of Probation and Parole and of course, their internal Child Protection Investigative Unit.
“There are no barriers anymore in terms of our policing as to who does what,” Det Insp Hogan says.
Officer in Charge Detective Senior-Sergeant Troy Penrose, of the Child Protection Investigative Unit, says without effective communication and co-operation between departments, victims get “pulled from pillar to post” and “system bashed”.
The waiting room where children can relax at the Child Protection Unit. Picture: Jerad WilliamsWe start our behind the scenes tour on the Child Protection Unit floor.
A small but colourful children’s area sits to the left of reception. The room behind it is fairly open plan with clusters of desks.
They’re all out, Det Senior-Sgt Penrose says of his 40-something staff. Just a handful remain at their desks.
A whiteboard in the far corner is filled with important phone numbers for victim’s services. Another holds the extensive roster. Desks are piled with folders, paperwork neatly filed away. Walls are bare.
Det Senior-Sgt Penrose points out one computer tucked in a corner where officers collate and file child exploitation material. He says officers having to file the confronting material are closely monitored to ensure they are coping and have good access to psychologists.
We then move to the family violence floor.
It’s quite similar but one room is plastered in posters relating to stopping domestic violence. Another room shows a chilling compilation of the top 10 domestic violence offenders in Queensland.
One large room is rather bare except for a wall which has photos of an offender and his victim, buffered by lines of handwritten information. I realise the officers are not just concerned about the partner in this particular case.
A young child is also involved.

THE WAY IT WORKS
Det Insp Hogan reminds numerous times of the taskforce’s No. 1 goal: “We are at the top level in the business of preventing homicides”.
And to do that they need to look beyond what may appear to be a typical incident.
Officers use the “House of Harm” model, where other agencies can raise concerns about an issue. The taskforce follows up by checking out what else could be going on.
“It could be things like substance abuse, financial issues,” Det Insp Hogan says.
“It could be a whole range of issues, normally more than one, two, or three — normally there’s a lot. We will then try to ... engage with providers also external to our group, to get some welfare in place. On the high end of stuff, if it’s the case that criminal offences are being committed, that will be farmed out across the entire police district for plain clothes police to investigate ...”
It may also be appropriate that the matter is referred to the Child Protection Investigation Unit to look into it in more detail.
The team starts every morning by sifting through the overnight cases, determining how they should be referenced.
“We’re looking for matters of concern which would warrant further investigation,” Det Insp Hogan explains, adding the team have a layer of “nets” so each case ends up with the right officers.
Some of the members of the Gold Coast’s Domestic and Family Violence Taskforce. Picture: Jerad WilliamsHe says the second thing they do is work on ensuring the files are compiled properly and that everything is recorded.
Tabs are kept on people deemed to be at risk of offending.
The taskforce also actively ensures that prior offenders coming from overseas, interstate or those recently released, are closely monitored.
Some officers go to court each day to connect with victims. Others go to schools.
Domestic violence liaison officers throughout the district engage with victims and provide them with available services.
Det Senior-Sgt Penrose says the taskforce does a lot of connecting for the victims so they don’t feel overwhelmed by the system.
Plainclothes Sergeant Constable Adrian Bisa in the interview room. Picture: Jerad Williams“The whole idea around it is to try and identify harm that maybe we could project or foresee going to occur ... and prevent it. Throughout this process we can look at things ... to see indicators that we would previously overlook. And when you start narrowing down on these indicators, we can forward plan on their safety and that’s what we’re about.
“We can arrest, charge, investigate. That’s the easy part for us. The difficulty has always been the stopping (of domestic violence), and it’s something that normally takes a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of legwork.”
He says while many victims reach out to them, the taskforce finds buried incidents in unlikely places.
For instance, a school might be concerned about a child for a different reason, but after the officers speak with the child, they might uncover incidents of domestic violence.
“What we’ve developed is a very succinct information network across our footprint, linked into agencies, education places (and) health facilities,” Det Insp Hogan explains.

INDICATORS
Every time police investigate a case, they are searching for indicators or triggers.
These red flags help to determine whether or not family violence could be happening — and even how serious the problem could potentially be.
Strangulation comes up as a telling sign.
“If the word strangulation is used, detectives investigate,” Det Insp Hogan says, adding they receive special training relating to this through the Red Rose Foundation.
“We’ve really taken that on in terms of prosecutions ... It is one of the big indicators that if a man strangles a woman, he is something like 800 times more likely to commit homicide against that woman.”
It’s dealt with as a priority, Det Senior-Sgt Penrose says.
Other indicators officers look out for include: stalking, threats of suicide, previous physical violence, previous sexual violence, threats to kill and threats to do harm to animals.
Det Insp Hogan says offenders can “over-invest”, where offenders move from an area or leave their job to follow their victim. Or they force participation in family mediation to prolong matters.
Offenders even use their children to influence control over their victim. Others could have a history of liking weapons and even links to outlaw motorcycle gangs.
Detective Inspector Marc Hogan. Picture: Jerad WilliamsTHEN AND NOWThe Domestic and Family Violence Unit was established in early 2016 effectively on the back of the Not Now, Not Ever report by Quentin Bryce in 2015 and the tragic Gold Coast deaths of Tara Brown and Karina Lock.
And since then a lot has changed for the better: “We have increased our skills, our awareness and our abilities around policing this social harm,” Det Insp Hogan says.
“And in my view, the Not Now, Not Ever Report is probably one of the most significant documents to impact policing that I’ve seen and not only policing, but the services that people expect from government agencies.”
They explain that domestic violence was not always viewed as this complex issue leading to further social implications.
“Historically, police would focus on a very small set of facts as in, why are we here, what happened to you and that’s it,” Det Senior-Sgt Penrose says, adding while that process was never wrong, the community now expected police to take on a more prominent role.
Investigating domestic violence has come a long way. Picture: Jerad Williams“It hasn’t been good enough, the response, we’re trying to break a cycle ... of that comes: what else is happening? Are there children being harmed? What are we doing about that? Has she been harmed more than this occasion?
“Essentially what we’re doing is exploring the whole circumstance, rather than the incident. We’ve increased our systems of capturing information and acting on it. The taskforce has engaged with processes we’ve never seen before.”
Det Insp Hogan says by paying extra attention to domestic violence and child abuse, police uncover even more offences the perpetrator may be engaged in.
Det Senior-Sgt Penrose says policing domestic violence takes a lot of legwork but it means a better response for the victims as well as the general community.

POLICE ARE PEOPLE TOO
Trying to get some of the taskforce officers in a photo is like trying to herd rebellious teenagers for their annual school photo.
One officer slinks off, but returns wearing a white ribbon in support of ending domestic violence. They all don the white ribbons proudly.
Det Senior-Sgt Penrose says officers are provided with a wide range of resources to ensure they are in shape mentally to deal with domestic violence.
“We have lots of processes and practices in place that ensure (officers’) skills are up to date and (that) they’re dealing with it, because you deal with a lot of violence,” he says.
“The flip side is it’s actually rewarding. When people that bash women get locked up, there is an inherent feeling of satisfaction in doing it and a lot of people are driven to make sure they’re doing that. Because we want to sleep well at night knowing we’ve done everything we can; it’s not an easy thing to hold that you could have done more about something.”


A COMMUNITY LIKE ANYWHERE ELSE
Domestic violence breaches have risen on the Gold Coast, even with the Taskforce’s inception.
But it’s not necessarily a bad thing, according to police, who say that it could reflect a shift towards victims reporting more frequently.
Det Insp Hogan says there was a reduction of about 800 domestic violence-related applications and actions “while proceedings for breaches against persons increased by about 500 or more”.
“This type of problem exists everywhere,” Det Insp Hogan says.
“I haven’t seen any statistical data that would say it’s worse (on the Gold Coast) than anywhere else. We report everything and look at everything. One of our big aims was to make it easy or take away the barriers for women or anyone to report domestic violence or child abuse. The environment now is very pro-reporting and accountability for behaviours is a top priority.”
It is difficult to know just how much domestic violence occurs thanks to the “dark figure of crime”, where incidents remain unreported.
It’s even more difficult to know how many instances of domestic violence have been stopped thanks to the taskforce’s efforts.
“We’re safety planning before something happens,” Det Snr-Sgt Penrose says.
“It’s very difficult to know how much damage we’ve prevented because it hasn’t happened.”
Det Insp Hogan says a police taskforce is always created to target an issue with the possibility it could one day be stood down.
Is it possible that one day the domestic and family violence taskforce will no longer be necessary?
Perhaps.
But there’s still work to be done.


This article was written by Amanda Robbemond and has been copied from here.

A 50-year-old man who attacked his wife with a machete in Sydney's south-west, leading her to have several fingers and toes amputated, has been sent to jail for nine years.
Atinae Afamiliona struck Tiperia Afamiliona, 45, several times with the 45cm-long knife after she told him she wanted to leave him in August last year.
The mother of three suffered deep cuts to her arms, hands, legs and feet, and had to have digits amputated.
The couple had been arguing in their car and when Afamiliona pulled over his wife tried to hail a taxi.
Afamiliona grabbed a machete he kept with tools in his car and began waving it.
At one point Mrs Afamliona fell to the ground and tried to crawl under the car.
An agreed statement of facts states that during the attack the husband said to his wife, "this is what you want".
Campbelltown District Court Judge Greg Grogin described the victim's ordeal as "ferocious and terrifying".
"It was a brutal, unprovoked, unabated, unrelenting and vicious attack on the victim who at the time was trying to protect herself and trying to escape," he said.
"Violence in a domestic situation is inexcusable."
Judge Grogin said Afamiliona was not drunk or under the influence of drugs, but had told police he "had a black out" and a "dark thing" had blocked his mind.

'I have forgiven Atinae'Before the sentence was handed down, a victim impact statement from Mrs Afamiliona was read to the court.
"My physical injuries were extensive, horrific and very painful, and I suffer from pain consistently to my hands and feet," Mrs Afamiliona said.
"Before this happened I was a very independent woman who never asked for help.
"I see all of my scars every day and that makes me angry because I can't be the mum I was and the mum I want to be."
Mrs Afamiliona said every time she sees her hands everything comes back to her about the attack, but she is trying to move on with her life.
"I have forgiven Atinae for myself, I have forgiven him so I can move forward," she said.

"This does not mean that I still want to be with him and this does not mean what he has done is okay."
After the attack, Afamiliona drove his wife to Campbelltown Hospital and then drove home to wait for police.
She said her injuries meant she could no longer work and had been put under immense financial difficulty as she cared for her three children.
Afamiliona pleaded guilty in March.
He will be eligible for parole after serving six years of his sentence.


This article was written by Mazoe Ford and has been copied from here.

​“He’s going to actually kill me, I’m going to lose my life.”
This is the thought Kirsty* recalls reciting in her head, over and over, when her son James* wrapped his fingers around a beer bottle, looked her in the eye and swung it toward her face.
Moments earlier, the then 17-year-old had terrorised her as he smashed up the family kitchen.

She fled outside, but he sniffed her out. His 188cm build towering over his mother’s tiny frame, he grabbed her by the throat and dragged her across the ground for 100 metres, all the way back to the house.
There, a beer bottle became his weapon of choice. She ended up in hospital, with a broken nose, seven stitches across her face and two black eyes.
Kirsty, 57, had suffered years of abuse at the hands of her own son, at their home in Central Victoria. And it took her to the brink of death before she was finally ready to put her own survival before her motherly instincts. She drew the deepest of breaths, and took out an indefinite intervention order against her son.
It’s a near unthinkable decision for most parents – or, as Kirsty says, “a hard pill to swallow as a mother”. But it’s one that thousands of parents are facing across Australia.
In Victoria alone, during the 12 months to March 2017, police were called to 5104 family incidents where the accused was aged 17 or younger. A little over 600 of them were under 13 years old. And in about two-thirds (3247) of cases, a parent was the alleged victim.
The figures, obtained from Victoria Police, are more than double what they were in the same period 10 years earlier, when police were called to 2042 family incidents where the accused was a child.

Kirsty tells Mamamia James started out like any other little boy – mischievous, sweet, caring.
But at age five, he witnessed an ordeal that would scar him for life. Four months after Kirsty became a single parent, James saw her get physically assaulted by her brothers. She was so badly beaten, she wound up in hospital.
As James grew older, a dark streak emerged. And by age 13, the verbal, psychological and physical abuse against his mother was already getting “out of control”.
Her son, she says, had come to understand violence to be an acceptable way of handling situations.
“My son accepted violence as a solution to conflict, and because he’d seen it so many times, not only from other family members and ex-partners, but also on TV and video games, to him it was a normal way of dealing with things.”
Kirsty says she always knew that what she was suffering at the hands of her son was family violence. She had, after all, been a victim of it before.
But this time it was different. She didn’t want to go to the police. She was her abuser’s carer, bonded by blood, and she wanted to protect him.
Whenever she looked for support, she hit dead ends. There were no services that could help.
So, she kept her suffering a secret throughout his teenage years.
“As a mother, struggling with my son’s violent behaviour, it was a very confusing and confronting time,” she says.
“When social attitudes are that a parent should sacrifice themselves for their children’s happiness… You feel guilty breaking up a family. So you compensate by giving everything to the child, and ascribe them more importance than your own self.”
* * *
Uniting Kildonan clinical family therapist Jo Howard, who is Australia’s leading researcher on adolescent violence in the home, is all too familiar with this narrative.
Almost 20 years ago, while working as a family violence support worker, Ms Howard realised women who had left violent partners could suddenly find themselves in a situation where their own sons were beginning to employ the same aggressive behaviours against them. And, like Kirsty found, there was no help available.
Ms Howard says there is a high level of under-reporting when it comes to adolescent violence, which ranges from verbal, to financial and physical.
“Parents feel a lot of shame and embarrassment that it’s happening in their family, and they feel they will be blamed by the system for not being a better parent,” she says.
“It’s only been through community awareness raising that parents are slowly gaining the confidence to seek help.”
Not only does Ms Howard believe adolescent violence is “a lot more common than people think”, she says it’s a growing problem.

While fathers and daughters can of course be involved, Ms Howard says the reality is that adolescent violence is largely a gendered issue. Boys, who naturally develop slower than girls, are most likely to absorb any aggressive behaviours toward their mothers.
She says the majority of offenders are boys aged 15-17, and about 80 per cent of victims are mothers – most of whom are single, separated or re-partnered.
Ms Howard says the biggest contributor to adolescent violence is a child’s experience of family violence inflicted by their father.
As a result, families can find themselves stuck in a cycle of raising boys who severely lack conflict resolution or self-soothing skills, instead becoming violent toward their mothers as a first resort. Just like daddy did.

Child psychologist Dr Michael Carr Gregg has a different take, believing it is today's protective and overly positive parenting that has come at “a terrible cost”.
His latest book, The Prince Boofhead Syndrome, unashamedly blames parents for failing to teach children discipline and respect, in turn creating boys who are self-absorbed, rude and - worse - violent with their mothers.
“If we allow young men to stand over you, to physically or verbally intimate you, use bad language, show disrespect, then I think we are creating permission and space for them to do that.
“Add to that inaction by the males in the home that’s condoning it, and a diet of violence (and pornography) as entertainment.”
Dr Carr-Gregg says up to 70 per cent of mothers admit to having been physically or verbally intimidated by their teenage sons.
“I think this is a very serious and under-reported issue and we need to nip it in the bud. We can do that by starting with clear intelligent, authoritative parenting: set limits and boundaries, have consequences for poor choices, and never ever back down.”
While Ms Howard accepts that there is a strong sense of entitlement in young offenders, in part influenced by our technology-centred and consumerist culture, she strictly stops short of blaming parents.
“Parents are doing the best they can. When a mother is experiencing violence, her ability to parent is severely undermined. She’s not able to exercise authority," she says.
Ms Howard stresses that placing blame isn’t helpful. What we need is to support the mother, strengthen the parent-child relationship as much as possible, and teach the young person new skills, new boundaries and new respectful attitudes, she says.
“Our society has put so much expectation on parents and particularly on mothers – we are quick to blame mothers for anything that’s detrimental or antisocial in their children.
“The world can be a really hard place to navigate for young people and parents, and blaming really is disempowering parents."
* * *

For parents who are already on the receiving end of abuse from their children, programs specifically designed to tackle this problem have begun to emerge.
As Ms Howard explains, the reason adolescent violence requires a response unique to most types of family violence is because the perpetrator is in the care of the victim.
“A mother won’t get up and leave their child. She wouldn’t want an intervention order that leaves the child homeless,” she says.
More importantly, with the right programs in place, Ms Howard says there is an opportunity to break the intergenerational cycle of violence.


“We want to do as much as we can to support young people in having a healthy and happy development – and to prevent future violence (against later partners).”
Ms Howard says the most successful approach is two-pronged: programs should provide support for the parent and teach the child better strategies to manage their emotions.
Ms Howard has driven the introduction of several such initiatives in Victoria since 2013, including at Uniting Kildonan where a 10-week program has been running for two years.
Her hope is that with more awareness, more government funding will be funnelled toward combating adolescent violence. Because the need, she says, is desperate.
* * *
After taking out an intervention order against her son, Kirsty kept her ordeal a secret for 20 years. She was well into her 40s when she finally allowed herself to be rid of any guilt or shame.
Kirsty's biggest hope is that her story encourages other abused parents to come forward, which will in turn help drive the creation of more support services.
“I don’t want any other parent or child to go through what I and my kids have been through," she says.
“My son needed help... but the services weren’t there.
“I lost my son. To see this monster come out that I’m terrified of, it broke my heart.”
Kirsty says the violence ended up catching up with her mental health, and she has struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder.
But she has also been driven to turn her life around. She is a proud mother to a daughter who serves in the Australian military. She has completed training to help other victims of adolescent violence, and she has worked hard to promote awareness.
“I’m not ever going to recover. But I’m in control of my life.”
If this post brings up any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. If you are in an emergency, please dial triple-0. 
For more information about the program at Uniting Kildonan in Victoria that specifically targets adolescent violence, click here. The Victorian Government also funds several initiatives (for more information, click here). For details on the program run in Queensland by Carinity, click here. In South Australia, Junction Australia can help (click here) and in Western Australia, Peel Youth Services run a program (click here). 
*Names have been changed


This article was written by Sophie Aubrey and has been copied from here.

The Anglican Church of Australia has for the first time apologised to victims of domestic violence — many of whom, it says, have been let down by Church leaders and teachings — and pledged to undertake independent research into the nature and extent of family violence in Anglican communities.
The Church's triennial General Synod meeting, held this week in Maroochydore, Queensland, heard abuse of power was "at the heart" of many relationship problems in the church.
"We grieve with victims and survivors of domestic abuse, and pray for their healing and recovery," the General Synod said in its apology.
"We give thanks for those women and men, clergy and lay people, who have faithfully supported, cared for and protected such victims in our churches and communities.
"However, we also confess with deep shame that domestic abuse has occurred among those who attend our churches, and even among some in leadership.
"We apologise for those times our teaching and pastoral care has failed adequately to support victims and call perpetrators to account."
The resolution also urged Anglican dioceses around Australia, "to ensure they have policies and good-practice guidelines in place, along with education and training, for responding well to situations involving domestic violence within our parishes and organisations".
"No victim of domestic abuse should ever be pressured to forgive, submit to or restore a relationship with an offender," it said.
'We should be truly regretful': Anglican primateThe apology comes just weeks after an ABC News investigation into religion and domestic violencerevealed the Australian Christian church of all denominations was failing to sufficiently address domestic violence in its fold and, in some cases, was ignoring it or allowing it to continue.
In response, the Anglican Primate of Australia, Archbishop Philip Freier, said victims of domestic violence deserved an apology from the church.
"I'm hoping that there will be some words of apology to people who have experienced domestic violence and any failure from the church at our General Synod, coming up in September," the Archbishop said on The Drum in July.
"I know that these words are easy sometimes to say, but I think we should be truly regretful where we have failed and we haven't listened to people, or understood the depth of their suffering, or the kind of situation that they are being urged to go back into."
Domestic violence and the church: 'Still much work to do'Kara Hartley, the Archdeacon for Women in the Anglican Diocese of Sydney and deputy chairwoman of a taskforce looking into church responses to domestic violence, said while the church had in the past "responded well" to domestic violence, it still had much work to do.
"This is a moment where we as a national church can affirm our commitment to care [for] and support victims of domestic violence in our churches, calling perpetrators to repent, and making churches safe places for all people," Ms Hartley said in an address to synod on Thursday.
David Ould, the rector of Glenquarie Anglican Church, said it was "incredibly heartening" to see the church commit to addressing domestic abuse.
"We've made it absolutely clear to everyone where we stand on family violence, how we've failed in the past and what we hope for the future," Mr Ould told the ABC.
"We've committed ourselves to doing better in every area and level of the church so that we can look after some of the most vulnerable and wounded amongst us."
Co-leader of the website, A Cry For Justice, Barbara Roberts said the Anglican General Synod's apology "sets a benchmark" for other Australian Christian denominations.
"It tells the church fairly and squarely what it must not do to victims," Ms Roberts told the ABC.
As long as the church follows through on its promises, she added, "It will mean [victims] have more likelihood of being believed and supported".
"Those in the church wanting to address domestic violence [now] have a document to stand on, to push back against [others] in the church who are dragging their feet or wanting to shelve the issue."
Anglican domestic violence survivor Isabella Young (not her real name) said she hoped the apology would help victims to heal.
"What I would like to see is for this to trickle down into apologies from individual dioceses, to individual churches and to individual pastoral care relationships," Ms Young told the ABC.
"That would effect real healing and some people coming back into relationships with each other and with the church community again."
Synod votes to 'study family violence inside the Church'The General Synod also voted to look at commissioning, "professionally designed and independent research into the nature and extent of family violence among Anglicans".
"Other churches may be invited to join the research," it said.
Naomi Priest, research fellow at the Australian National University's Centre for Social Research and Methods, said the church should be commended for its commitment to undertaking independent research.
Dr Priest, who recently called for urgent, comprehensive research on domestic violence in Australian faith communities, said any research conducted, "must move beyond questions of prevalence" and seek to, "examine the nature and extent of family violence" as well as, "factors within churches that may enable or protect against domestic violence".
"This includes careful and robust evaluation of the effects — or lack thereof — of any policies and practices implemented [by churches to address domestic violence]," Dr Priest told ABC News.
High-quality, independent academic research of this nature also requires, "substantial funding over time", Dr Priest said.
"Poorly funded, poor-quality research is in danger of causing more harm than good."


This article was written by Hayley Gleeson and was copied from here.

Hurricane Harvey is the most recent natural disaster that has caused damage and destruction across many communities. When disasters strike an entire community, they do not affect all community members equally, and victims of domestic violence are often particularly vulnerable. Researchers at the University of Missouri have now identified a framework that can help victims of domestic violence before, during and after disaster events.
"Disasters can cause significant emotional trauma or stress, injure or kill individuals, and threaten basic human needs such as access to food, water and housing," J. Brian Houston, associate professor of communication and director for the Disaster and Community Crisis Center (DCC) at MU. "We know from past research that disasters can increase the prevalence and severity of domestic violence; they have compounding effects on the recovery of women and families experiencing this violence."
To establish strategies for communities to better address victims of domestic violence, Houston worked with Jennifer First, doctoral candidate in the MU School of Social Work and Disaster Mental Health Program Manager with DCC; and Nathan First, a clinical instructor in the Department of Educational, School and Counseling Psychology in the MU College of Education and clinical case manager at the Family Access Center of Excellence of Boone County.
"To promote women's safety and well-being, domestic violence services and resources should be integrated into disaster-related assistance and services," Jennifer First said. "Emergency management often conceptualizes disasters in four phases— response, recovery, mitigation and preparedness. Our framework uses this perspective to identify objectives to use before, during and after a disaster to help victims of domestic violence."

Response
Professionals responding to a disaster can promote empowerment for women and children by ensuring their basic needs are met and providing them with comfort and support. This can be done by working with providers to transport victims of violence to shelters and provide information on post-disaster resources and alternative domestic violence contacts.

Recovery
After a disaster, communities can conduct activities to rebuild and recover. The researchers say this is a critical time for victims of violence. Professionals can help by connecting victims to long-term services and promoting social supports for women.

Mitigation
Communities should identify risks and hazards to reduce or eliminate the impact of a disaster incident. The first strategy for this could be developing connections between domestic violence organizations and systems typically active in a disaster, such as disaster responders and law enforcement. As connections are formed, professionals can advocate for additional focus on mitigating domestic violence during disasters.

Preparedness
Domestic violence professionals can participate in activities before a disaster to better prepare individuals, families, organizations and communities to respond if a disaster occurs. One strategy could be to increase domestic violence awareness and training by working with local, state and federal emergency management professionals who can train responders to assist victims of domestic violence.

DCC focuses on enhancing preparedness, recovery and resilience in children, families, schools and communities affected by disaster and community crisis. DCC is an interdisciplinary center with expertise in mental and behavioral health, social work, public health, communication, mass media, social media and journalism. The Department of Communication is in the College of Arts and Science at MU.


"Intimate Partner Violence and Disasters: A Framework for Empowering Women Experiencing Violence in Disaster Settings" was published in Affilia: Journal of Women and Social Work.


This article was written by Sheena Rice and has been copied from here.

It's the abuse that never ends. Journalist SHERELE MOODY looks at the little known side of the domestic violence epidemic where perpetrators destroy victims using the law.
WHEN Karen* left her abusive husband, she thought her life would take a turn for the better.
He could no longer "rape, bash or choke" her and the demeaning emotional abuse, often done in front of their child, would finally be over.

After police organised for a domestic violence order, the mother packed their bags and moved to another community to live a life free of terror.
Her abuser pleaded guilty to a range of charges and Karen began feeling safe and secure.
Like most Aussies, Karen loves using social media and, hoping to inspire other women to leave their abusers, she posted a comment about domestic violence.
The post did not name the perpetrator and the details were not enough for the abuser to be easily identified.
Karen had blocked her former partner from her social media accounts so the only way he could have seen the comment was through someone sending him a screenshot of the comment.　
Not long after the post appeared, the police called to tell Karen her abuser had asked the court to issue a temporary domestic violence order against her.
The man claimed Karen's comment was "emotional abuse" aimed at destroying his career.
"I was beside myself, I was thinking I have to be at the court to defend myself which meant I would have to see him," Karen said.
"The last time I saw him, he tried to kill me.
"It was horrifying and I felt violated all over again that this had happened to me.
"It was a private application because the police did not feel he was in any danger or any need of protection."
The legal bill for defending against a DVO application will cost a person $3000 to $20,000 and that will climb higher depending on whether the matter goes to trial and if the outcome is appealed.
With no money for a lawyer, Karen was forced to defend herself in court against her abuser's claims.
"I had to go through multiple court appearances with him there and each time I took my own personal security, a different car, we went back roads, it was extremely full on," she recalled.
"It put me in the mode of flight or fight."
The court process was long and it almost destroyed Karen emotionally.
"I was left cross-examining my abuser, my rapist," Karen said.
"On the first day I was terrified - I almost walked out of the court and didn't defend myself.
"While he was on the stand, it was awful, I was subjected to more taunts, more abuse, he was calling me names and emotionally abusing me in the court room.
"I left those days feeling just as worthless as I did when we were in a relationship."
The court eventually tossed the DVO application out, with the judge noting Karen's abuser went to extreme lengths to access the offending post.
The judge also found the man's claims of Karen abusing him were false.
"His application read like a work of fiction, he had no proof of anything and he accused me of being the abuser even though he was the one who pleaded guilty to domestic violence charges," Karen said.
Expert warns domestic violence survivors to not get too social
CRIMINOLIGIST and domestic violence researcher Dr Silke Meyer said it was rare for survivors to be put on domestic violence orders over social media posts but they were often used as 'evidence' of victim's abusing perpetrators in family law cases.
Dr Meyer considered Karen's experience a sign of things to come as perpetrators become more "switched on" about how social media posts can give them ammunition against the other party.
"Don't post things in response that can be taken out of context and used against you and - maybe even more important - make sure your account is absolutely secure, check your privacy settings, make sure the abusive partner or ex-partner doesn't have access via a known password, friends of friends and so forth," the University of Queensland academic said.
"Perpetrators have become much more switched on in terms of what they can use against victims to make people question the victim's legitimacy - in DV court in the first instance - but often more so in subsequent family law proceedings.
"Victims are often seen as vindictive when bringing up domestic and family violence to minimise contact between children and the abusive parent so that's where I'd say victims need to be even more careful how they engage with or respond to an abusive partner or ex-partner.
"A strategic perpetrator will likely use social media rants (no matter how justified) against the victim."
'Institutional abuse' hurts the victim long after the relationship ends
WHILE Karen's use of social media backfired on her, her experience of being a domestic violence survivor facing a potential domestic violence order is far from rare.
She is among thousands of Australians who have been subjected to "institutional abuse" - that is acts of control perpetrators use to continue harming their victim long after the relationship is over.
Along with domestic violence cross-orders, abusers may also cause emotional and financial trauma by refusing to pay child support or instigating multiple court actions to reduce the other person's finances.
Some will file affidavits containing demeaning language and false allegations while many will do their best to "conflict" their victims out of legal support.
Women's Legal Service Queensland and NSW DV Line support staff are finding themselves helping increasing numbers of women facing these issues, with domestic violence cross-orders one of the key problems.
"It happens all the time," Women's Legal Service Queensland principal solicitor Rachel Neil said.
"We are seeing a rise in cross-applications and some of those applications are in retaliation to the other person having a DVO on the abuser.
"For example, I was on duty at Ipswich court recently and half my clients were respondents."
In some cases, police will organise for couples to both have DVOs.
QUT domestic violence and justice expert Molly Dragiewicz said this could even happen when officers find victims defending themselves against perpetrator attacks.
"The police say 'Oh, let's arrest them both and the judge can sort it out'," Associate Professor Dragiewicz said.
"But if the judge isn't sorting it out, it can embolden the abuser to continue that sort of harassment."
How the law deals with domestic violence cross-orders
WHEN considering domestic violence cross-orders, Queensland and NSW domestic violence legislation says courts need to determine - and protect - the person who is at most risk.
They do this by taking into account how the relationship played out, who was the controlling person and who repeated the patterns of abusive behaviour.
Courts issue domestic violence orders with one main goal in mind - keeping the victim safe by limiting the perpetrator's contact with them.
In Queensland they are called domestic violence orders and in NSW they are apprehended domestic violence orders.
Queensland has one domestic violence court and others will be rolled out in the near future.
Prof Dragiewicz said these courts could be the key to ending scurrilous domestic violence cross-orders.
"If you have one magistrate following the case, that magistrate would be in a better position to discern the merits of the request for the orders," she said.
A 2014 Women's Legal Service NSW study found more than two thirds of its women clients defending ADVOs reported that they were the victims of violence in their relationships.
Many of the women defending ADVOs reported police did not see their version of events "as credible compared with the other party, due to the circumstances of their heightened stress and anxiety".
"Others said they believed the other party had deliberately initiated AVO proceedings as a further mechanism of controlling their behaviour, by giving them the ability to threaten them with reports to police in the future," the report's author Julia Mansour said.
Anyone making a cross-application for an ADVO in NSW must satisfy the court they fear the other party will commit a violent offence against them or stalk or intimidate them.
Domestic Violence NSW CEO Moo Baulch said her organisation had seen a rise in the number of women who were the subject of cross-order applications.
"This has been increasing for a while now," Ms Baulch said.
"We think that this is related to perpetrators of violence knowing they can use this as a tactic to continue to control their partner."
Ministers concede perpetrators are using courts to hurt victims
QUEENSLAND Domestic Violence Minister Shannon Fentiman said her government was aware abusers were using the DVO system to punish their victims.
Ms Fentiman said changes to the Domestic and Family Violence Protection Act were designed to give "stronger protections" in cases where cross-applications were made.
"It is well known some perpetrators use cross-applications for a DVO as a way to slow the court process," she said.
"The changes we introduced mean applications are now dealt with at the same time so the court can quickly determine the person most in need of protection.
"It is common for perpetrators to use multiple legal avenues - often all at once - to continue to exercise power and control over their victims.
"In addition to specialist courts and magistrate training, we have put in place changes to improve the legal experience for victims of domestic and family violence."
NSW Attorney-General Mark Speakman warned making "frivolous or vexatious" cross-orders could come at a heavy cost to the perpetrator.　
"They would need to establish that their fears are reasonable," Mr Speakman said of the cross-applicants.
"It is an offence to make a false or misleading statement to a court.　
"As a further safeguard, if a cross ADVO application was frivolous or vexatious, a court may order the applicant to pay the other party's legal costs."
Domestic violence survivor Karen said there needed to be more stringent processes in place to prevent people taking out domestic violence cross-orders.
"Perpetrators should not be allowed to do this because it's a continuation of their abuse," she said.
"There should be a system in which there is already a DVO made by police, the other person should not be able to make a private application.
"They should be made to do it through police and if police think it's not warranted it should end there."
Facing up to conflict as abusers deny their victims legal support
DOMESTIC violence experts are increasingly worried about perpetrators "conflicting" their victims out of legal support.
This involves the abuser seeking advice from multiple legal services. As they have sought advice they are considered a client of the service and that means their former partner cannot access the same firms because it would be deemed a conflict of interest.
Barbara* is one of many domestic violence survivors who knows how hard it is to get support while living in a regional town.
The NSW resident said she endured years of physical, emotional and sexual violence at the hands of her children's father.
"He abused me from a few months after our relationship began," Barbara told NewsRegional.
"He was hitting, punching, kicking and slapping.
"He would have sex while I was asleep and when I woke up and told him 'No' he would tell me to 'Shut up' and punch me.
"He would degrade me in front of friends and family and my kids, he would threaten to kill me and my kids."
When Barbara was able to leave her abuser, the first thing she tried to sort out was court orders that would define how she and her former partner would care for their kids.
But Barbara found herself hitting a massive legal roadblock as lawyer after lawyer in her hometown told her they could not represent her because her ex had already contacted them for support.
"It was very frustrating that I could not get legal help," the mother of two said.
"I spent almost a week without sleep until my GP put me on Valium so I could get some sleep and stop me having panic attacks.
"I was having several panic attacks a day, I did not eat and I almost ended up in hospital."
Ms Neil, from WLSQ, said conflicting the other party out of legal support was particularly concerning in regional, rural or remote areas because it was used to "isolate" victims.
"It's about hurting them and limiting their options," Ms Neil said.
"It's about winning, but primarily it is about control.
"Domestic violence victims are often isolated from their families and friends and this is a form of aggression and control.
"They are aiming for their victim not to be able to access any sort of help."
Ms Baulch said perpetrators could be "quite clever" with their attempts to deny their victims legal support but professionals in the industry were becoming more attuned to the situation.
"It's a tactic that is used reasonably regularly - it's certainly not uncommon," she said.
"Community legal centres and law firms should be able to make referrals to other legal services for people in this situation."
Using the courts to abuse adds up to lasting impacts
RMIT University research shows 16% of Australian women and 7% of men have suffered financial abuse at the hands of their current or former partners.
Financial abuse includes controlling access to money, tracking everything someone spends, not allowing a person to have their own bank accounts, forcing the victim to work in certain jobs and hand over their pay, selling off the other person's property and making them sign for loans they do not want.
For some survivors, the financial abuse does not end when they walk out the door.
Experts say cashed-up perpetrators have two ways of keeping the financial pressure on their victim post-separation - refusing to pay child support and using the court system to deplete the other person's cash reserves or take on massive debts to cover legal costs.
In Australia, about 95% of separated parents come to agreements about their children without being involved in the Family Court of Australia.
About 4% of families will face some form of court action before their parenting arrangements are finalised and 1% will go to trial over their children's futures.
Women's Legal Service Queensland estimated that just getting to the front door of a courthouse could cost each party up to $15,000 and if the parties go to trial they could expect to spend $70,000 plus.
Ms Neil told NewsRegional abusers used the courts to inflict emotional and financial pain by having matters adjourned over and over again and making "constant" applications (for example the court to suspend parenting orders).
Every time this happens, the other party needs to pay a lawyer to prepare their case and to attend on the day.
"It's a tactic that's definitely used by abusers," Ms Neil said.
Women with no money usually self-represent, but even that comes at a cost.
"They have to get childcare, they have to take time off work, they have to prepare documents," Ms Neil said.
"When men have a history of doing this, women are less likely to start their own justified court proceedings because they know there will be a barrage of claims and accusations against them."
Ms Neil said one of the hardest parts of the court process was receiving affidavits - like statements of claims - that are a necessary part of the court process.
"Affidavits can be very long - up to 300 pages," Ms Neil said.
"Eventually it will get to a hearing and the judge will hopefully wade through it all and see through it, but this doesn't help the emotional distress that that causes (the victim) at the time."
Ms Neil said survivors facing this type of abuse could ask the court to declare the other party a vexatious litigant but "it's a really difficult order to get".
How the courts fail victims of institutional abuse
DAVID Nugent has been working with domestic violence perpetrators, their partners and children for more than 15 years.
Mr Nugent said institutional abuse, including "playing the court system", was about revenge.
"When a partner walks away from the relationship she is stepping away from his power and control," the Heavy M.E.T.A.L group founder said.
"He plays games with access to the children.
"The men are in a position where they are financially better off, they can access the services of lawyers and play the court system to their advantage.
"Women in these situations are in a really tight spot because they don't qualify for legal aid and they cannot afford a lawyer."
Mr Nugent said it often became too much for survivors and they would go back to the abuser.
"This is because it's so overwhelming," he said.
"The problem with this abuse, emotional abuse, is that it's in stealth mode.
"It's hard to prove and the courts do not have a measuring stick for it.
"If someone has bruises or injuries then the evidence is there and the legal system can implement interventions to stop it.
'Women are struggling and the courts just can't support them.
"It's very sad to see."
Separation assault's lasting legacy
INSTITUTIONAL abuse is 'separation assault', Prof Dragiewicz told NewsRegional.
She said it was designed to bankrupt the victim emotionally and financially.
"Once separated, the abusers can't use the tactics that used to work to control their partners any more," she said.
"But our (court) systems allow them to have contact.
"They can do further emotional abuse, they can even make veiled threats while on the stand and the magistrate won't even recognise that abuse."
# Karen's and Barbara's names have been changed for their own protection.



This article was written by Sherele Moody ​and has been copied from here.

Myra Leong cannot remember the moment her ex-boyfriend punched her in the head, leaving her with a dangerous injury and changing her life as she knew it.

She was 24 years old when he punched her in the head while she washed the dishes at her Darwin home, after he became angry over a text message on her phone.

Ms Leong sustained a traumatic brain injury and now relies on others who saw what happened to explain events to her.
​
Her sister Lorrena Tyson was home at the time and said she "locked eyes" with Ms Leong as she fell to the ground "like dead weight".

'Out cold on the floor'

Their mother Kadeja James was driving home from work when she got a panicked call telling her Ms Leong was injured.

"I walked into the house and Myra was out cold on the floor," she said.
"Myra was coming in and out of it and I automatically knew that she had experienced some brain trauma."

The assault caused vessels in Ms Leong's head to bleed and the pressure caused her brain to swell and shift two millimetres.

She was placed in an induced coma for 11 days and underwent brain surgery.

Weeks were spent in hospital rehabilitation learning to walk and talk again.

"I had headaches all the time from the lighting and the sound and certain people's smells," Ms Leong said.
"It was just not a nice place to be and I didn't even know why I was there."

The long-term toll of domestic violence

Almost a year after the assault, the former maritime worker still struggles with debilitating headaches, fatigue and memory loss.

Doctors have not been able to tell her if she will ever make a full recovery.

"I suffer from mood swings, so I can just snap straight away, and then after it happens ... I realise, 'Oh no, that was me — but it wasn't — it's my brain injury'.

"I also have a really bad memory, so people have to constantly remind me when I have appointments or things and I have to write it in my diary with dates and times.

"Each morning I will refer to my diary."

Struggling to keep a job

She said that prior to her injury she could work 12-hour days out at sea, but now she struggles to hold down a job because of fatigue.

The injury has affected her earning capacity, and she has set up a crowdfunding page to help with her recovery.

"Half of my Centrelink payments I have to put on rent and then the other half goes on food and then my monthly phone bill, electricity, fuel from appointments, things like that," she said.

"I'm left with maybe $100 for the two-week period.

"It's extremely hard, it's frustrating, it stresses me out, it makes me upset, but I have to just keep pushing forward."

Ms Leong now has her doctor's permission to train again at her local gym, where she gets what she calls "the best therapy".

"You get rid of all your stress and frustration and anger and leave it there and you feel great after it," she said.

Ms Leong said she was in a violent relationship with her former partner for more than a year, could not find a way out, and became withdrawn.

Her family noticed her behaviour change and that she was becoming "more distant" but they were not aware the relationship was violent.

"Don't put up with that stuff because it's not right and you're just going to live a bad life," she said.


This article was written by Eleni Roussos and has been copied from here.