Announcement regarding 1800RESPECT Service30 August 2017


Dear Friends,
I write with great sadness to inform you that Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia has decided to withdraw from the 1800RESPECT Trauma Counselling Service.
This decision was not taken lightly. Only after considerable negotiation with the lead agency, Medibank Health Solutions (MHS), did the Board of Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia come to the conclusion that accepting the sub contract and the new MHS service model would be inconsistent with the values, ethics, quality counselling practices and work place relations that are foundational to our organisation and culture.
Specifically the key concerns are:

• the sub contract required Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia to hand all existing 1800RESPECT client files to MHS. It is the view of Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia that the trust and confidence clients have placed in our organisation over the past six years could not be disrespected and undermined in this way,
• that future file notes were to be recorded on the MHS system which also voice records all interactions. These records may be subjected to subpoena without challenge and would be accessed by any number of staff across five organisations,
• counselling staff were to work to a counselling model that was not available for review prior to signing the sub contract. Staff would be subject to coaching by MHS and orientation and training was to be outsourced, again with no detail of the content,
• the new model of service delivery offered by MHS propose four providers. While these providers are all quality women’s services the experience of Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia of service coordination under the current model of two providers, one being MHS, has been problematic. It is the view of Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia that increasing the number of providers to five, one continuing to be MHS, presents a considerable risk that 1800RESPECT will become an information and referral service which will no longer seek to provide high quality evidence based client centered trauma counselling to those who have a right to expect nothing less,
• poor alignment of values between Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia and MHS has become increasingly apparent over the six years of engagement which is perhaps summarised by a recent media statement by a MHS Director who said that that a strategic direction of MHS is to double its profit from sexual assault and domestic violence over the next five years.

The new model of service being proposed by MHS does not include the re-contacts service. This service, developed by Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia, specifically works with those who are experiencing complex trauma commonly resulting from sexual assault in childhood and further sexual and domestic violence in adolescence and adulthood. Currently 600 clients are engaged with this service with 200 being current users. This is a service for some of Australia's most violently treated and vulnerable people. It will no longer exist.
The experience of Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia in providing a service and now deciding that there is no option but to withdraw from being a service provider is a growing story in the NGO health, welfare and community services sector. The open tendering of services has brought in providers where profit is the primary motive. This economic rationalist approach views competition as a driver of efficiencies. The outcome is most commonly:

• quality is equated to numbers,
• outcomes for clients or any commitment to flexible client driven and client centred practice is labelled inefficient, and
• systems advocacy ceases.

This loss of systems advocacy is a considerable concern.
NGOs have many roles and responsibilities, one being to represent the voices of those made vulnerable by their circumstances in the democratic process. If NGO voices are silenced through privatisation or contracts that ‘gag’ systems advocacy, the only voice that will be heard will be those of the powerful. Such an imbalance will undermine many of the values we know are critical to a thriving democracy such as human rights, social justice,  equity and a reduction in violence against women to name but a few.
As a result of this decision by Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia that it can no longer ethically engage with MHS in the provision of the 1800RESPECT Trauma Specialist Counselling Service the organisation will cease taking 1800RESPECT calls on 28.10.17.
The decision to withdraw will also mean about 70 of our highly committed and skilled staff will be made redundant. (Note: acceptance of the sub contract would have resulted in 50 redundancies as the sub contract offer was considerably smaller than the previous sub contract.) It is of enormous credit to staff that they overwhelmingly support the decision to withdraw based on ethical, clinical and protection of client file note grounds.
Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia will continue to provide high quality trauma counselling to those whose lives have been impacted by sexual assault, domestic and family violence. The organisation will continue to work with the sector, governments and the community to prevent this violence and it will continue to seek to represent the voices of those who trust us with their stories in democratic processes. Together we can and will achieve a world without rape and violence.


Thank you,
Karen Willis
Executive Officer


Click here to see the letter to Department of Social Services Minister Christian Porter regarding the 1800RESPECT Service


The letter above was copied from here.

Australia's largest animal refuge facility would include cat condos and a wing dedicated to housing the pets of domestic violence victims if a Sydney council gets its way.
Blacktown City Council says its ambitious blueprint for a state-of-the-art facility would help save lost, stray and abandoned animals from 15 neighbouring municipalities.
The centre would cost about $15 million, and also have a 24-hour veterinary hospital and dedicated greyhound rehoming program.
The boarding facility, which would care for the pets of people fleeing domestic violence, has also been welcomed.
"I applaud council's proposal ... this will be powerful and practical assistance to many women and families at a moment of crisis when they are at their most vulnerable and desperately need practical support," said Moo Baulch, CEO of Domestic Violence New South Wales.
Superintendent Gary Merryweather, from the NSW Police, said the number of people who stayed in, or delayed leaving volatile relationships because of pets was "substantial".
"One of the big things they're concerned about is their children, and their pets," he said.
"Obviously if they leave their pets behind and they're in a volatile and aggressive relationship, they know those pets are going to be used against them."
Earlier this year, the organisers of a domestic violence program in Victoria said searching for suitable pet accommodation could mean women and children had to stay in high-risk and violent homes for longer.
Blacktown Mayor Stephen Bali is seeking New South Wales Government support to build the facility, which would be built on a site at Glendenning.
"All councils are facing the dilemma of ageing animal holding facilities and new stricter State Government animal welfare regulations that very few council facilities could comply with," Cr Bali said.
"Many will have to rebuild their existing 'pound' facilities. Blacktown is offering to take the problem off their hands.
"With our new centre we could accept the dogs and cats from around a quarter of metropolitan Sydney."
The plans will include 200 dog kennels and 180 "cat condos", used by animals waiting for homes.

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This article was written by Riley Stuart and has been copied from here.

The Queensland State Government is doubling its budget for domestic violence services as the crime wave continues on the Gold Coast.
The latest police data shows breaches of DV orders continue to increase by 25 per cent as a pool of offenders are being monitored by the Gold Coast Domestic and Family Violence Taskforce.
Figures released to the Gold Coast Bulletin show the Government is increasing funding, focusing on new programs for perpetrators and providing more shelters to stop women and children living in cars by the beach.

New counselling programs are targeting offenders, working on rehabilitating them, but service providers maintain their waiting lists remain “significant”.
In the past three years, the Government has increased funding to domestic and family violence services in the Gold Coast City Council local government area by more than 50 per cent, from $3.27 million in 2014-15 to $5.17 million this year.

The funding boost does not include the $18.8 million to be spent across four years for the permanent Domestic and Family Violence Court at Southport.

Prevention of Domestic Violence Minister Shannon Fentiman, who released the data, has taken a verbal shot at her rival Ros Bates on the Coast.
Ms Bates, a registered nurse, spearheaded the Opposition’s tough DV reform laws which were accepted by the Government and applauded by families of victims such as Tara Brown and Teresa Bradford.
But the Mudgeeraba MP and the Minister have clashed continually in State Parliament with the Opposition maintaining shelters are being closed and the court lacks enough resources.
“We also recently announced that an additional specialised Domestic and Family Violence shelter will be established on the Gold Coast,” Ms Fentiman said.

“It is disappointing that the Member for Mudgeeraba would choose to mislead the Gold Coast community about funding for vital DV services, and these kind of comments do nothing to encourage victims of family violence to speak out.”
From 2014-15 to 2016-17, the amount of DV counselling hours for children increased from 2228 to 2330.

DV counselling and services have increased from 9268 to 11,450 hours, and perpetrator programs hours from 5162 to 7731 hours.



The number of court-based service hours has almost doubled, from 3785 to 7592 hours.
In shelters where there is increasing demand with temporary supported accommodation nights increasing from 5894 to 6044 nights.
Centacare Family and Relationship Service regional manager Sue Lloyd said more Coast women who needed help were trusting agencies to provide quality support.
“The flow-on effect is that it creates an increase in services. The Government is very aware of that,” Ms Lloyd said.
The number of men attending behaviour-change programs had doubled since the specialist court was created at Southport.
At least half of the men who had returned to newly funded new programs were voluntary clients, Ms Lloyd said.
“The other thing the Government has funded is a domestic and family violence mobile outreach service. What that provides is support for women and children who are homeless or at risk of being homeless,” she said.
“Certainly from our perspective, the Government is trying to address demand. Our waiting lists are still significant.”
LNP Shadow Minister for the Prevention of Domestic and Family Violence Ros Bates said Ms Fentiman was nothing more than a fly-in fly-out Minister who doesn’t understand the reality of domestic violence on the Gold Coast or across Queensland.
“I am a survivor of domestic violence and when women come to me saying they have been turned away from a shelter because of a lack of beds I get bloody mad.
“Labor have talked and talked about domestic violence for more than two years whilst watching the numbers explode.
“The Minister can talk funding all she likes, but I can tell her the reality is women are still sleeping in cars and not able to access services here on the Gold Coast.
“We have record numbers of offenders breaching orders and no solution from the Government other than more talk.
“Labor’s reckless spending on motels for domestic violence victims is nothing to celebrate, it is a complete failure in policy and planning.
“It was the LNP that introduced tough reforms to domestic violence laws from Opposition that the community wanted and Labor tried to block.”



This article was written by Paul Weston and has been copied from here.

Prolific domestic violence thugs, who go from relationship to relationship leaving multiple victims in their wake, are being targeted by a new crack police team.
A special case team of eight detectives has been formed to bring more domestic violence perpetrators to justice and empower their victims.
They have started their own database, looking at offenders with multiple “intimate partner victims” across a number of districts over an extended period of time.
“This isn’t within a dysfunctional family, it’s someone moving discreetly from one relationship to another, where there may or may not be kids, and just causing carnage as they go along,” said Det-Supt Sue Young, of the crime investigation standards and family violence division.
Their initial list of offenders with two or more victims consisted of 1165 names. That list was reduced to a more serious cohort of 131 offenders, with the team targeting 21 perpetrators who have had three or more “intimate partner” victims. One offender has had eight victims.
The team, based on a Scottish model Victoria Police also use, will go to other agencies to build a full picture of the offenders. It’s expected the team’s investigative work and careful and pro-active approach will result in more victims coming forward.


This article was written by Kate Campbell and has been copied from here.

​That we expect this kind of tripe from The Mirror does not make it ok.
On average, two women every week are murdered in domestic violence homicides in England and Wales. Domestic violence will affect 1 in 4 women in the UK at some point in their life. It is a deadly serious and widespread problem. The media has a significant role to play in changing public attitude to men’s violence against women and children.
Headlines like this are part of the problem, not part of the solution.
Intimate partner violence has nothing to do with romance or rejection. It’s a choice made by the perpetrator based on their need for power and control, and the underlying belief that anything they do to maintain control over a woman they see as a possession is justified and excused by her actions.
When journalists make implicit excuses for violent men by blaming victims they are confirming those beliefs. They are colluding with violent men in excusing their violence and blaming their victims.
Andrei Pavel is not a “spurned lover”, he’s a violent man who chose to stalk and assault his ex-girlfriend. He was convicted of assault and ordered to stay away from his victim for 12 months.
He didn’t punch her because she rejected him, he punched her because he decided he had the right to assault a woman who refused to do what he wanted her to do.
Nothing a victim does is the cause of violence committed against them, there is only one thing that causes violence and that is the choice to do it.
Reporting this any other way is not journalism, it’s a dangerous deception.



This article was written by Jane Gilmore and was copied from here.

Women fleeing violent and abusive relationships will be able to get free mobile phones fitted with a duress alarm function that connects them to the police 000 hotline.
Telstra yesterday donated 100 phones to the WA Police State Family Violence Unit, which distributes them to victims so they can get help in a hurry if an abusive partner tracks them down while they are in hiding.
Assistant Commissioner Michelle Fyfe said women who had to flee their homes often had little more than the clothes on their back, and not having a phone left them feeling cut off and vulnerable.
“Family violence is a crime of power and that power is often exercised by taking away someone’s contact with family, or finances or access to a phone, so we are giving them back just a little symbol of their power,” Ms Fyfe said.
An app developed by police is installed on the phone. The user hits one button to be connected to police.
Their number is recognised by 000 and their call is sent to the front of the queue.
“That duress function makes people feel safe and secure out in the public and they know if they are approached or something happens, they have a direct line to police,” Ms Fyfe said.
The relationship between WA Police and Telstra began in 2012 and about 320 phones have been distributed through the program.


This article was written by Grant Taylor and was copied from here.

A committee investigating the failings of the family law system will still be critical of the sector despite not calling senior judges to give evidence, according to the head of the inquiry.
Key points:

• Parliamentary inquiry into failings in family law system will not call judges to give evidence
• Inquiry chair Sarah Henderson says despite this, the report will be critical of the system
• Deputy chair Sharon Claydon argues inquiry will be hampered without the judges' evidence

Liberal MP Sarah Henderson had been criticised by Opposition members of the committee for cancelling a scheduled appearance by the Chief Justice of the Family Court and the Chief Judge of the Federal Circuit Court hours before they were due to give evidence.
Ms Henderson argued she wanted to seek the expert advice of Attorney-General George Brandis on whether the judges giving evidence in person would breach the principle of separation of powers, which protects the independence of the judiciary from the influence of parliament.
Deputy Chair of the Committee, Labor MP Sharon Claydon, said the efficacy of the inquiry would be hampered without the judges' evidence, and argued the judges were "highly competent" and able to decide what was appropriate to tell the committee.

But Ms Henderson told the ABC's AM: "I was concerned, and I think it was very prudent and appropriate...that subjecting judges to questioning and interrogation by members of parliament crossed the very important principle of separation of powers.
"We referred this to the Attorney-General, the Attorney-General agreed that this is a fundamental tenet of our democracy.
"I didn't think it was appropriate to put judges in a place where they could be subverted to the harassment or the interrogation of members of parliament."
The judges will still make submissions to the committee in writing.
Ms Claydon led the criticism of Ms Henderson, arguing that the judges had given evidence before parliamentary committees before.
"What we can't do is undermine the judiciary, and that's probably something maybe the deputy chair doesn't quite understand," Ms Henderson said.
"While judges have appeared before parliamentary committees before, what the Attorney has done is drawn a distinction between judges appearing privately and in relation to the operation and decisions of the courts over which they preside.
"I have no doubt that our inquiry will be quite critical in parts about some of the decisions and processes in the Family Court."
Major reform needed in family law systemThe inquiry is hearing evidence in Alice Springs, where Ms Henderson said some of the failings of the family law system were most keenly felt.
They include serious delays in the court processes and the significant expense of hiring lawyers.

"Too often, family violence is not being ascertained early enough in proceedings and that's having major impact on orders made by the court, particularly in relation to children and the safety of children," Ms Henderson said.
"The Northern Territory Government says Aboriginal women are 40 times more likely to be hospitalised as a result of violent assault, most committed by partners or ex-partners as a result of alcohol.
"The rates of non-disclosure are also very high."
Ms Henderson argued some of the people brought in to compile reports on the parlous state of some families were gouging the system.
"Some of them are charging up to $9,000 a day, it's absolutely outrageous," she said.
"Courts rely on family report writers to determine many of the factual matters between warring parents, and particularly involving children.
"I cannot believe the Family Court hasn't addressed this matter — they're not accredited, they're not trained."

A Queensland police officer who allegedly helped a mate who was subjected to a domestic violence order (DVO) track down his former partner should be sacked if found guilty, a domestic violence advocate says.
It is alleged the senior constable accessed private records of the woman's latest address and passed the details onto her ex-husband.
It is further alleged that the officer then joked about it in a series of text messages to the man.
Police have confirmed that Ethical Standards Command (ESC) was aware of the matter but a spokesperson said it would be inappropriate to comment further until the investigation was complete.
The allegations were lodged with the Crime and Corruption Commission (CCC) by the woman last June after she allegedly heard how her ex-partner got her home address, but the matter was referred back to the ESC.
The Queensland Police Minister's office said it could not comment pending the investigation.
'Reckless with another person's safety'DV Connect spokeswoman Diane Mangan said she was shocked by the alleged actions of the officer.
"Like everybody else I am quite stunned - I can't imagine that someone would be that reckless with another person's safety," she said.
"I think he minimised what the impact of what may have happened to that woman."
Ms Mangan said she hoped he was just a "rogue" cop but called for him to be sacked if found guilty of the offence.
"I think this is a betrayal of trust," she said.
"For someone who should know better to actually put a woman's life in danger - I think he has forfeited his right to be in that service."
The alleged text messages joked about how the woman would "flip out" once she knew she had been tracked down.
Stalking expert Dr Phil Watts, who was in Brisbane attending a family violence conference, said he was very concerned this kind of private information could be released.
The forensic psychologist said it was very concerning that both men also joked about the incident.
"It is probably how he has rationalised what he is doing - like he has been fed a story about the ex which has probably distorted his perception," he said.
"So he is now acting in some immature way with his mate, which is how he has justified what he has done - thinking it is not that serious.
"Don't know whether he is a rogue officer or whether it is something within the culture."
Police 'working hard to educate officers'However, both the professor and DV Connect praised the Queensland Police Service (QPS) for initiatives in educating officers about domestic violence.
The QPS has also set up a specialised Domestic Violence Unit.
Ms Mangan said she felt for the QPS, as it was working hard to educate its officers.
"I know personally all the work that is being done between our two services and I know how proactive the programs are that police are putting in place," she said.
Dr Watts agreed, but added: "But at the end of the day if that sort of thing is still happening, they still have some more work to do in their education."


This article was written by LEXY HAMILTON-SMITH and has been copied from here.

Many women feel like failures because they have not stopped the man they love from psychologically abusing and controlling themMost women who attend counselling – to come to terms with their partner’s psychologically abusive and controlling behaviours – often beat up on themselves saying: “I let it happen” and “I feel like I’ve failed”.
Women talk about the effects and impact of abuse and controlWomen describe feeling emotionally beaten down, shame, guilt, anger, sadness, depression, lack of confidence, insecure, discouraged, defeated, desperate, fearful, anxious and full of dread. They talk about being codependent, having self-doubt, a low belief in their abilities, confused, a feeling of going insane and an inability to concentrate. This brief list can lead Family Court Judges, lawyers, psychologists and other supporters of female victims to interpret the effects and impacts of abuse as equivalent to passivity, incompetence, and poor mental health. So what can women and their supporters do to combat this social problem?
It is necessary to uncover ways women actively resist abuseWomen continually use multiple strategies to resist being controlled and psychologically abused by male partners.
Women seek advice and help from others, they strategically subordinate or silence themselves, purposefully choose not to state their beliefs and opinions, consciously choose when to stay quiet and when to assert themselves – all to avoid further abuse.
If a man who persistently attempts to control his partner pressures her not to work, and she defies this by going to work, regardless of abusive repercussions, this act of resistance shows that the woman does not “let abuse happen”.
Women may do things to please their partner that they might not ordinarily do, they may ignore his behaviour, or they may cry as a way of showing they refuse to be content with being verbally abused and emotionally manipulated. Yet other women refuse to cry with the aim of not giving the abusive man the pleasure.
These acts of resistance prove women do not have low self-esteem, rather women resist abuse because they do esteem themselves. Women who defiantly talk to a male colleague at a party, despite their partner badgering them to stay away from all men, and women who refuse to obey their partner’s rigid rule that dinner should be on the table at 5 o’clock sharp every night, are refusing to be dictated to. These acts of resistance do not entail letting abuse happen. The abuse happens because, the man who is hell bent on controlling his partner, is violating her needs and boundaries.
Many women resist being controlled by lying about where they’re going, by sneaking out, by not telling their husband where they are going, or who they are having coffee with. These are acts aimed at preserving autonomy, independence and freedom.
Canadian Family Therapist, Dr Allan Wade, along with his colleagues, have researched and written some splendid articles that give an empowering spin to the language women use to describe the impact of being abused . . .
“Despair” is usually considered to be a negative effect of abuse. However, Wade and colleagues suggest that “despair” actually suggests that the victim of abuse is hoping for, or calling for, change.
“Sleeplessness” is generally labelled the problem to be solved. However, lying awake at night worrying about the crazy-making mind-games her partner is playing, is actually a strategy of resistance. In other words this kind of “wakefulness” is refusing to be content with being emotionally abused and controlled.
Using the “language of resistance” in the Family CourtWhen women write affidavits aimed at helping them win custody of their children, it is common to write the negative effects, or impacts, resulting from the man’s psychologically abusive and controlling behaviours. However, Allan Wade and his colleagues’s research shows that, by women saying they have low-self esteem, depression, anxiety, stress, etc., this language can feed into stereotypes that women victims of abuse are not capable of resisting abuse, or of maintaining custody of their children.
Allan Wade PhD, and his colleagues, strongly suggest that women and their supporters include information in written court documents about all the ways the woman has resisted, and continues to resist, each and every form of abuse by their partner. Rather than asking the woman how the abuse impacted, or effected her, instead ask how she responded when her partner did xyz. Ask her what she did when he said, or did, xyz. The woman’s answers to this will represent her as active and competent.
How women resist abuse depends on the contextWomen do not use the same strategy of resistance in response to abuse and control every time. Rather women decide which situation best suits which kind of resistance – always with the aim of keeping herself safe and sane, and with the aim of reducing or stopping the abuse and control.
Any small act of resistance is a sign of successJust because a woman has not been able to stop the man’s abusive and controlling behaviours does not mean she has “let the abuse happen”. The fact that she has engaged in hours, months and years of subtle, and not-so-subtle, strategies of resistance, means she has successfully mustered up chunks of control over her own life – no matter how tiny that sense of control may feel. It means she has succeeded at not allowing her partner to have 100% control over her decisions, her actions, her secret thoughts, hopes and dreams. It means she has grabbed some form of self-preservation that she has refused to allow him to steal from her. What women do to resist abuse is a sign that they are capable of maintaining custody of their children.
References:

• Campbell, Jacquelyn C., Rose, Linda E., Kub, Joan, & Nedd, Daphne. (1998). Voices of strength and resistance: A contextual and longitudinal analysis of women’s responses to battering. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 13, 743-762.
• Coates, Linda, & Ridley, Penny. (2009). Representing victims of sexualized assault. In E. Faulkner & G. MacDonald (Eds.), Victim no more: Women’s resistance to law, culture and power. Halifax & Winnipeg: Fernwood Publishing.
• Coates, Linda, & Wade, Allan. (2004). Telling it like it isn’t: Obscuring perpetrator responsibility for violent crime. Discourse & Society, 15, 499-526.
• Coates, Linda, & Wade, Allan. (2007). Language and violence: Analysis of four discursive operations. Journal of Family Violence, 22, 511-522.
• Renoux, Martine, & Wade, Allan. (2008). Resistance to violence: A key symptom of chronic mental wellness. Context, June, 2-4.
• Todd, Nick, Wade, Allan, & Renoux, Martine. (2007). Coming to terms with violence and resistance.

This article was written by Clare Murphy PhD and has been copied from here.

I recently wrote a letter to ministers, entitled “Things I wish you understood: An open letter to ministers from a family violence survivor.” The response has been humbling. I’m glad it resonated with the experience of many, because it reminds me that I’m not alone, and that nor am I crazy because sometimes I have to fight with my emotions and body to get control again. Thank you to the sisters and brothers who have said “that’s me, too.” May God bless, comfort and heal you also.
I’m also more glad than I can say for the people who said it would help them to love their flock better. That’s what I was praying for. My experience won’t speak to everyone, and won’t be applicable to everyone, but if starts a conversation or raises awareness, then I thank God for that. If it means that I or someone else might have a better chance of hearing and understanding what the Bible says on some of those more difficult passages, so much the better. That was my heart--I want to hear and learn, and sometimes I can’t because of what I’ve been through. I’m not alone in that.
I’ve been encouraged privately to reflect and share on the experience of coming forward in the church.  I am profoundly grateful for the godly men and women who walked through it with me. My experiences were generally positive but there were moments that weren’t so positive as well, and moments which might have gone much, much worse but for the grace of God. I am somewhat unusual, from what I can gather, in that I didn’t meet with anyone (outside of my then-husband) who treated me with harshness or ungraciousness. Even those who weren’t helpful still tried to treat me with love. My heart aches for those who have not been met with grace and love.
Here are some things that I’ve been reflecting on about my own experience:

1. Listening to me, and believing me were the biggest gifts anyone could give me. 
   Those who listened and believed will have my everlasting gratitude and love. The first person I shared with was not a minister, but a friend who by the grace of God had walked this journey before. I didn’t realise that at the time because I didn’t actually know what was happening to me. I just knew my life was suddenly spinning out of control, and I was scared. She knew the value of listening and believing. She’d had experience. She knew what to do on every level: emotional, spiritual, practical. She validated what I told her--the first tentative forays into shattering the illusion I had been so carefully maintaining. I didn’t tell her the whole picture, just the part that was upsetting me the most at the time. She treated me with respect, grace and dignity. That lead me to go further, to bring deeper wounds forward to see if perhaps--breathtakingly--they might meet with tenderness too. She believed me, and she told me she believed me.
   
   
2. It was an incredibly scary thing to bring the leadership of my church into the picture. 
   I knew them to be men of gentleness and compassion, but I had seen what I thought was gentleness and compassion turn into harshness and anger before. I was terrified of being dismissed. I was petrified of being told that I was in sin, that I needed to go back. I didn’t know what I would do if they did. The weight of that possibility made it difficult to breathe. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the mere thought of having to choose between going back or defying the leadership of my church. The choice felt like one between my life and sanity, and my very salvation. My salvation was never actually on the line but, battered and broken as I was, that is what it felt like. It was agony.
3. Common sense isn’t really enough in these situations. 
   The norms of relationships don’t apply. The nature of abuse makes all sorts of things impossible. I couldn’t do counselling with my then-husband. Any attempts to discuss the issues led to an escalation of abuse. When my pastor accidentally broke my confidence in discussion with my then-husband, I was placed in harm’s way, and again received a tirade of abuse that left me trembling and sobbing. Thankfully, my pastor learned from that and was very careful not to inadvertently break my confidence again. He was also willing to listen to the advice of those who had more training in abuse than he did. It is an area which requires knowledge and understanding, and I know that his willingness to listen and learn from his mistakes had positive outcomes for me.
4. I needed professional help to recover. 
   I drew near to God, and dug deep into my Bible, but I am indebted to the Christian counsellor I worked with for many years, and still work with today. Romans 12:2 talks of not being conformed any longer to the world, but renewing our minds, so that we can work out what God’s will is. God used my counsellor mightily in that. So much in my thinking had been warped by abuse that I needed to re-evaluate everything I had ever learned or thought I knew about marriage, submission and headship. The process of sorting through what the Bible actually said and what had been twisted was long and arduous. The process still continues, and probably always will.
5. I needed, and still need, clear and unambiguous teaching on these points. 
   In renewing my mind, I didn’t and don’t want secular views to form the basis of my understanding. I don’t want to abandon biblical teachings on headship, respect, submission or divorce. I want my views and understanding to be rooted in the Bible and nothing else. Marriage is God’s good plan, and His intention and design for it are what I want and need to understand.  Abuse is not part of His plan, and it has warped my understanding. My last letter was a plea for ministers to understand that they can help immensely in this. I want to hear from preachers who’ve thought, prayed and read deeply about abuse and marriage, and can steer me past the rocks and the pitfalls that abuse created, and for which my often faulty prior understanding laid the groundwork. The best help I have in my recovery is understanding what God actually says about me, about the way I was treated and about marriage in general.
6. It was the compassionate and faithful teaching of a pastor which God used to begin open my eyes to the truth of my situation. 
   I had no idea I was being abused, but I was hurting over what was happening in my marriage, and desperately wondering if the problem really was me. I wondered if I really was being called to submit to this, and what if anything, I could do to make things better. I wondered if this was normal. Over the years and months before I finally left my marriage, this pastor preached through various books of the Bible. Every single time something about marriage or the roles of men and women came up, he took the time to gently and compassionately point out what those passages didn’t mean, as well as what they did. His was the sole voice of hope I heard, and it was powerful because he was an authority figure. Abuse is isolating. I was afraid to discuss my marriage with anyone else and afraid to read or research on the subject. God used the voice of this pastor to remind me that the way I was being treated wasn’t His will, even though I was a long way from leaving or even understanding that it was abuse. His voice called me back to God, back to prayer and reading the Bible, rather than hardening me against God in my pain.
7. The people who truly comforted me were okay with the mess and didn’t try to fix it. 
   My life was in tatters. My mental and physical health was breaking under the strain of what was happening, and the torrent of abuse that leaving unleashed. The people who truly gave me comfort loved me in the midst of that. They sat with me, they looked after me. They let me cry when I needed to, and listened to my doubts and fears and anger. They didn’t see my anxiety and depression as a spiritual failure on my part, but as the direct and natural result of my experience. They encouraged me to seek help. They prayed with me, for strength and courage and reliance on God in the midst of the mess. They never gave me platitudes, and their faith was not rocked by my suffering. When they offered the occasional Bible verse, it was because it was something they had lived, and had helped them. In the manner of 2 Corinthians 1:3--4, they comforted me with the comfort they had been given and continually drew my eyes to the God of all comfort.
8. Some people were really uncomfortable with my suffering and wanted to offer quick fixes. 
   One woman listened sympathetically, and then told me that Romans 8:28 meant that God would put my marriage back together again. She couldn’t conceive that the “good” God was working for was to make me more like Christ, and that didn’t necessarily come with a fairy-tale ending. Another implied that I was giving way to negative thinking and outlined what I needed to do to win the battle of my mind. The hearts of both were in the right place, and I loved them for their intent, but it wasn’t at all helpful. I didn’t need to be offered false promises that were a distortion of God’s Word. I didn’t need to feel blamed for my mental health crumbling under the strain, and feel like it was being attributed to some lack of discipline or sin on my part. The reality was, I was walking with God more closely than I ever had before, and I believed that the “good” Romans 8:28 promised could only be defined my God, not dictated human desires. I was clinging to that verse, but trusting God for what it would look like.
9. I equally distrusted those who were willing to rewrite the Bible so that I wouldn’t be hurt, and those who applied it rigidly and legalistically, without compassion. 
   It was a very long time before I asked my leadership team if I could seek divorce. They never pushed me about it one way or another, but gave me space to ask when and if I was ready. I watched, and listened to everything they said, and every sermon they preached. I’d seen the way that they took care to show compassion while still preaching the truth. I didn’t ask the question until I was certain that their desire for obedience to God was as strong as their compassion for His flock. I needed them to have both qualities in equal measure to feel safe asking. If they had told me I had to remain unmarried, I would have submitted to that, but I needed to know that they would understand what they were actually asking of me, and understood the pain it would cause. I needed to know they would be there if I had to live out that path. When I did ask, they gave me clear, reasoned answers from the Bible; answers that I will not detail here, as to do so would require more detail of my circumstances than is safe to give.
10. The decision to walk away from my marriage was the most painful one I have ever made. 
    I had prayed so hard over the years, and done everything I could do to have the quiet and gentle spirit that 1 Peter 3 talks about. I had wrestled with God over injustices and hurts, begged for change and railed at Him over the circumstances. I was repeatedly brought lovingly to my knees in repentance as He chose to deal with MY heart within the marriage. At the point when it became untenable and I left physically, I had long since learned that in my particular case God was going to deal with MY sinfulness with me, regardless of what my spouse was doing. He was going to make me like Christ, and I would need to trust Him in the journey, because He loved me. He would deal with my spouse in His time, not mine. It was hard, and I struggled with it often. When the crisis point came, I was taken by surprise.
11. God is incredibly faithful. 
    The more I reflect on my journey, the more I see His merciful provision to me, both in practical supports and emotional and spiritual ones. He drew close to me, and when I feared that I would lose absolutely everything I held dear, I learned that He is truly enough, and that His gift of salvation is the one thing that cannot be taken from me. Much in my life looks different than I had hoped, but the deep knowledge of His faithfulness and love is a gift beyond words.

The author of this article prefers to remain anonymous. This article has been copied from here.

“One police officer was very rude to me and as he was going down the stairs to leave he said, ‘F***ing poofters, let’s get out of here’,” former Home and Away actor Bryan Wiseman recalls.
As a domestic violence (DV) survivor, 48-year-old Bryan is angry about the way police deal with DV incidents in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, intersex or queer (LGBTIQ) community and is calling for increased training and awareness.
“It’s just the prejudice from some of them,” Bryan says, “I have come up against certain police who were plainly homophobic and they basically just didn’t want to attend because they thought it was a couple of gays in the suburbs having an argument.
“I’m worried that there’s people in my situation who are gay [and] who are going through … domestic violence and they’re too frightened to come out and report it because they fear that they will be treated with homophobia,” he says.
According to Bryan, he endured a period of two years when his former long-term partner became increasingly violent and abusive.
“He’d bash holes in the wall and then he would start throwing things,” Bryan says, and “he would physically punch me.”
“He just kept saying things like: ‘You’re not worthwhile. You’re nothing. You’re not even a good actor’,” Bryan recalls.
As the situation escalated, Bryan would sometimes be forced to call the police multiple times a week. Although he had some positive experiences with law enforcement, this wasn’t always the case.
“Because there aren’t Gay and Lesbian Police Liaison Officers (GLLOs) in local area commands, you just get anybody who in on duty and they aren’t trained to deal with people who have gay issues and they may well be prejudiced.
“I’m also concerned that when breaches of an AVO take place, they may not be followed up as readily by police if you are a gay couple,” he says.
Furthermore, Bryan says he felt unable to reach out for help from domestic violence support services: “I’ve been given leaflets, I’ve been given booklets but it all focuses on women … it doesn’t mention men.”


According to a 2015 publication by Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS): “People who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, intersex or queer … experience intimate partner violence at similar rates as those who identify as heterosexual.”
Other research backs up the notion that LGBTIQ people are “just as likely as women in the general population to experience DFV [domestic and family violence]” but are less likely to find support services they need.
Sarah Lambert, the Director of NSW-based LGBTI health promotion organisation ACON, is unsurprised by Bryan’s experience.
“It is sadly not uncommon for DFV within same sex couples to (be) minimised or not treated with the same level of concern as within heterosexual relationships.”
She describes the mistrust of police by some members of the LGBTIQ community as both “well documented” and “a reality.”
However Ms Lambert says it’s not all bad news. She cites numerous positive steps NSW Police are taking towards “to be more inclusive and understanding of LGBTIQ communities,” and praises the “ … the ongoing work of the Gay and Lesbian Liaison Office.”
“Rome was not built in a day and this is an ongoing issue that we need to continue to work on,” she added.
For Bryan, his dealings with police made an already harrowing set of circumstances worse.
On December 17, 2014 a NSW Magistrates Court convicted Bryan’s former partner of 22 years, Matthew McCarthy, 51, of both assault occasioning actual bodily harm and damaging property.
(Just to be clear, Bryan praises the two police officers who attended this particular incident, describing them as “caring” and “professional”).
A police report written the month prior to the conviction explains in detail what happened. According to the document, Bryan was on the phone to a friend one evening when McCarthy started shouting: “Stop telling f***** lies.”
Bryan’s then-partner had been drinking. He followed Bryan around the house, throwing household items — like vases — at him.
McCarthy smashed Bryan’s laptop. Although Bryan tried to hide in the bedroom, his former partner forced his way through the door causing Bryan to smash his head on the bed.
McCarthy then grabbed the mobile phone from Bryan and, the police report states, “hit the victim in the right eye.”
Bryan then fell back against the door and to the ground.
“Police spoke with the victim and saw that he had a bloodied nose, redness and bruising to his right eye, blood on his forehead. He had a ripped white T-shirt which had blood on it,” the report states.


Reflecting right back to how the relationship started, Bryan says, “There were warning signs that I just didn’t take on-board.”
From the minute Bryan met Matthew McCarthy in November 1993, it was “pretty full on.”
“I wasn’t looking for a relationship at that stage. I had just moved out of home [and] was enjoying my freedom. But he was very persistent and he would just turn up out of the blue turn up on my doorstep,” Bryan recalls.
Sometimes Bryan, feeling overwhelmed, wouldn’t answer the door to Matthew.
“At that stage I was a bit spooked out by him,” he continues.
At the time, Bryan says, “it did freak me out, but I thought, ‘Oh, he really does love me. He really does want me’.”
Within a few weeks of meeting, Matthew moved into Bryan’s apartment.
“What attracted me to him was that he was very open and very charming,” Bryan says, “basically I felt that I could say anything to him.”
“We were interested in the same TV shows. We were interested in Australian politics. We were interested in bushwalking, tennis, music. He had a really good sense of humour and he was intelligent,” Bryan remembers.
All theses years later, things look very different.
During a number of lengthy conversations, Bryan becomes emotional as he details how his long-term partnership gradually turned into a violent nightmare.
Since Matthew’s conviction, Bryan says he’s found himself increasingly isolated: “I felt I had nobody.”
“On the evening when he bashed me, and he got arrested, I never heard from anybody. My phone was suddenly quiet,” he continues, “The depression and PTSD has set in. I’m on antidepressants and I’ve been suicidal both during the domestic violence and since his conviction. I’m getting psychological and psychiatric help.”
A confidential written psychological assessment of Bryan viewed by news.com.au details the significant and ongoing impacts of the DV on his mental health, including self-reported symptoms including: tearfulness, chronic anxiety and depression, panic attacks and nightmares.
The way Bryan sees it, his acting career has also been heavily impacted by the violence he’s endured and the fraught relationship breakup that followed.
Until a few years ago, he lived part of the time in the US and part of the time in Australia. His most recent film was a sci-fi psychological thriller shot in Los Angeles (LA) called Omniscient.
In November last year he was set to go back to LA to film the pilot for a new reality show in but due to legal proceedings, it never happened.
“My career has been taken away from me, and I’ve been stripped off of something that used to be my life,” he says.
In response to detailed questions from news.com.au about Bryan’s claims, the NSW Police Media Unit sent the following statement: “NSW Police treats matters of domestic and family violence extremely seriously, regardless of people’s sexuality or gender.
“Since 2009, all recruits have received training on LGBTI issues at the Police Academy at Goulburn. Once the officer gets stationed, this training is regular and ongoing.”
The email goes on to say there are now more than 200 Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officers across NSW who deal with “numerous issues including bias crimes [and] domestic violence.”
You can find resources and information about abuse in LGBTIQ relationships on the Say It Out Loud website.
If you are in the LGBTIQ community and need support dealing with police, you can also call ACON on 1800 063 060 (support service are available for Sydney, the Hunter Region and Northern Rivers.)
If you or someone you love is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). In an emergency, call 000.


This article was written by Ginger Gorman and has been copied from here.

LATE one night a skeletal woman in dirty pyjamas, a torn jacket and sneakers jumped from the carport roof of her suburban Sydney home shattering her left leg from ankle to knee.
Terrified and in agony she dragged herself to the house next door where her neighbours took her to hospital and the police were called.
It was not the first time police were called to investigate allegations of domestic violence by the western Sydney husband, but it would be the last.
After persistent begging from family and friends, as well as frequent visits from concerned police, the woman walked away from 17 years of abuse, and what had become a suburban house of horrors where she had been beaten and forced to submit to degrading sexual acts.
“People see I got a big house, double storey house, my husband has a good job and I have a brand-new car ... but as soon as the door closes no one knows what is inside,” she told The Daily Telegraph.
Cynthia, not her real name, gave evidence against her husband, 51, at his trial where he faced 138 charges, including 22 counts of rape, in what has been one the most extensive prosecutions of domestic violence in NSW history.
Earlier this month, the man was found guilty of 21 counts of rape, one of attempted rape and one of grievous bodily harm.
The Crown is now seeking for the judge to find him guilty of a further 114 summary offences, including assaults, stalking and breaches of Apprehended Violence Orders.

On the night of January 31, 2015, medical staff were horrified at Cynthia’s condition when she arrived at hospital emaciated, unwashed and with a severely broken leg.
“The nurses asked if I was a homeless person,” Cynthia, who migrated to Australia 30 years ago, said.
Her 160cm frame weighed less than 50kg and a later medical examination would reveal she was suffering from the type of malnourishment usually seen in refugees or concentration camp survivors — not in suburban Sydney.
It was fear and anxiety which stopped her from eating as during the weeks leading up to her terrifying leap, her husband forced her to cut her hair, threatened to circumcise her or cut off her nose, and made her submit to his “punishments” — a series of degrading rapes.
The reign of terror was prompted by her husband’s false belief that she was having an affair.
“For days and days I was not eating, no shower, no sleep, night after night,” she said.
Finally one night fearing he would kill her, she climbed out of an upstairs window onto the balcony while being chased by her husband and jumped from the roof.
Her leap led to her husband, who also cannot be identified, being arrested and charged with intimidation and recklessly causing grievous bodily harm.
Campbelltown-based Detective Senior Constable Fiona Duncan, who took on the case, said police had been receiving calls about domestic violence incidents at the couple’s home since they moved into the area in 2011.
“By December 2014 and January 2015 the incidents were becoming more serious and more consistent.”
A month after her jump, Sen Cons Duncan had a frank conversation with Cynthia.
“I think I said something to (Cynthia) that we can only help you if you are prepared to go the whole way and the only way to make you safe is if you tell us the whole story.”
So Cynthia did, all 17 years of it.

The woman said her husband controlled every aspect of her life.Over six weeks, Sen Cons Duncan would drive to Cynthia’s house and she would wriggle painfully into the passenger seat still wearing a full-leg cast.
They would then drive to the police station and over five hours, Cynthia would give her statement before being driven back home at 2pm to meet her two children after school.
Sen Cons Duncan said Cynthia looked completely different back when they began.
“Now she looks shiny. Back then she looked like a skeleton and her skin was sallow and grey like you see on the television of people in camps that sallow, hungry, stressed look.”
Sen Cons Duncan confesses she is “a feeder” and would bring a packed lunch of sandwiches and home-cooked biscuits each day to try to coax Cynthia to eat.
“She might eat half of one of those biscuits and a quarter of a sandwich over a six-hour period.”
Cynthia was suffering from refeeding syndrome, a condition found in severely malnourished people and which can be fatal.
She said that from the time she decided to make her police statement she was committed to having her husband prosecuted for the sake of their children.
“I can’t keep them safe if I am still with him. It was very hard because he was my husband for 17 to 18 years and I loved him,” she said.
Over a gruelling five-week period, Cynthia gave evidence at his trial, a process she found so distressing an ambulance had to be called three times because she had stress-related seizures.
She gave evidence about several bashings including one when she was knocked into a wall when she was three months pregnant and kicked in the back and the thigh. The next day she miscarried.
She told how her husband controlled her and she would need to seek his permission before speaking to friends or family or to go to the shops.
The most telling question during the trial was when she was asked why she did not leave him.
“I felt sad and scared but at the same time I loved him, I had children with him ... I wanted a family like everyone else, a loving caring family and a loving caring husband.”
Cynthia said there was also cultural pressure for her to keep quiet about domestic violence and stay in the relationship
Her advice now to other women is not to wait.
“Come out quick, don’t wait as I have waited for a person thinking that the person is going to get better ... go to someone that can support you, go to the police station if you can’t go into anyone’s house.
“And be good to your neighbours, if you hear something let someone know — don’t keep it to yourself. Sometimes it is too late I am one of the lucky ones to make it out.”



This story was written by Sarah Crawford and has been copied from here.

Once Anne* fled the years of drunken abuse, her second battle began.
She wanted to stay safe from the ex-partner who harmed her, provide and care for her three children, keep a roof over their heads, hold down her job and maintain some control of her finances.
But even with a full-time job she'd held down for a decade and decent salary, she battled to rebuild her life after domestic violence.
She spent 75 per cent of her income on rent, couldn't afford insurance, and spent the past seven years repaying $30,000 debt, which stemmed from her ex-partner's financial abuse, without any financial support.
She got just 50 cents a day in child support for her two youngest children; faced court alone for months and relied on public transport after her car was re-possessed.
"The kids lost their house, they lost their family, they lost their pets. They stayed at the same school, but it cost me a fortune in child care. I was working full-time, paying full rent, paying all the bills."
She's among Canberra's "missing middle" - working class women, men and children who escape domestic violence but suffer from a lack of long-term support - highlighted in a Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT and Women's Centre For Health Matters report launched today.
It showed very little help was available for victims who were in the gap between crisis and having fully re-established their lives; and between services available for low-income earners and being able to pay for services themselves.
The majority who fled domestic violence in the ACT stayed in their homes post-crisis, and did not access the crisis system, the report said.
"We know that many of these women and men are middle-income earners, employed full-time, who are not able to access financial assistance and support and who do not qualify for hardship provisions or loans."
Those women risked tipping back into homelessness or financial hardship six to 12 months later if they couldn't sustain tenancies, mortgage payments and jobs, as well as care for their children and pets.
"We know particularly that women consider returning to violent relationships because it is too hard to keep themselves, their children and their pets safe."
The problems highlighted in the report inspired the groups' Beyond Crisis project, made up of seven industry forums to look at ways Canberra's business sector could support victims long-term in ways community groups and government could not.
The project focused on areas victims said were the most common barriers and challenges they faced as they tried to get back on their feet after violence: housing, legal services, childcare, pets, insurance and finance.
DVCS chief executive Mirjana Wilson said big businesses needed to acknowledge the impacts of domestic violence on the community both as employers, and also as part of their corporate responsibility.
"Domestic violence is a whole of community problem and it's a whole of community issue, so I think it's a whole of community response that's needed - the three sectors need to come together."
Among the fresh partnerships sparked by the project was Assistance Beyond Crisis, a micro-finance facility that began operating with pro-bono support from financial services company Deloitte in July.
Deloitte Canberra managing partner Lynne Pezzullo said the service offered interest-free loans up to $5000 to Canberrans who were unable to access other financial help to meet immediate costs for housing, school fees, household goods and cars.
"There are things the private sector can do here which can really make a difference," she said.
​
*Name has been changed


This article was written by Megan Gorrey and has been copied from here.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be a dangerous and terrifying experience for many women.
There can also be a range of complex legal issues including child custody, intervention orders, tenancy contracts, and financial matters that can create barriers for leaving the relationship.
In a South Australian first, a collaboration between a major hospital and the Legal Services Commission is helping women access vital legal advice to escape violence.
The federally funded initiative allows Lyell McEwin Hospital staff to call in a special unit of lawyers who can provide mobile legal assistance to women at the hospital and domestic violence centres.
Legal Services Commission access services manager Chris Boundy said the lawyers' mobility was crucial to the project's success.
"It is a very important initiative, a very important step, because women who are in peril are not certain where to go," Mr Boundy said.
"They're not even sure how to reach out and by having this unique partnership with the hospital it is the hospital staff who identify women who could benefit from having some legal advice and then we're able to respond and be here when we're needed.
"The important thing is we come to them when it's convenient and by being notified through health authorities we can have the mobility to ensure they don't miss the opportunity to get proper legal advice."
Mr Boundy said the lawyers in the domestic violence unit were well-qualified, empathetic and passionate about helping women get access to justice.
Northern suburbs mother Emma (not her real name) knows first hand the terror of feeling trapped in an abusive relationship.
"I was going through domestic violence at home and being that I wasn't aware of what was around to help me I was stuck in that sort of position for quite some time," she said.
Emma said legal advice helped her understand her rights and feel supported when she was confused and scared.
"Now I know where I stand, no matter what he says or does," she said.
"I know that my child will be OK, and there are courts and laws out there that will stand up for that and keep her protected, as well as me.
Dr Martin Ritossa, a medical director at the Lyell McEwin Hospital, said the hospital had a strong focus on domestic violence.
"They're often trapped, they often don't know where to go and this is a great opportunity for the health system to get involved in assisting them," Dr Ritossa said.
"The more we can collaborate the better and the more services we can provide at the same time the better."
Northern Domestic Violence Service case manager Melanie Dekorte said expert advice and support could make a huge difference to vulnerable women.
"That's vital in breaking the cycle of domestic violence and just creating that confidence they need to seek support and having that face-to-face contact is absolutely imperative, it's really important for them," Ms Dekorte said.
"They've been told during their relationships usually that they have no rights, that 'if you leave me I'll take the children and take you through [the] Family Court. I'll keep the house, you'll be homeless, I'll cut off financial ties'.
"So when you look at all the different tactics of domestic violence that are used by perpetrators it is overwhelming for a woman to even make the decision to leave that partner in the first place."
Ms Dekorte said the support was important to help women take back control of their lives.
The initiative is funded for three years under the Federal Government's Women's Safety Package and Mr Boundy hopes it can be expanded throughout South Australia.
"We're hoping that during this three years we can develop a template that will encourage the federal authorities to go on with the funding so that we can hopefully be involved in the establishment of a similar sort of arrangement in other areas of need," he said.


This article was written by Candice Prosser and has been copied from here.

A 52-year-old man has been found guilty of bludgeoning his wife to death with a lump hammer when she refused to make him dinner. 
Jamal Khan told Preston Crown Court that when he asked his wife, Humera, who was sitting her at her sewing machine, if she had prepared him food, she replied, “Do it yourself monkey.” Khan said he found that “gravely insulting”, so much so, he took a hammer to her head and killed her causing “catastrophic” head injuries. 
I was reading this news story via the BBC twitter account last night. Some people might quickly scroll past such a headline, but I have a heartbreaking habit of lingering on precisely such headlines, and probably far too long. 
And when I began to look under the BBC’s tweet to see the comments below, I came across Jordan. 
There he was, grinning face, pint in hand, just a normal lad, probably in his early 30s, with bugger-all followers and clearly a first-class sense of humour, which I quickly derived, like a sleuthing Poirot, when I spotted his tweet: “She should have known her place… in the kitchen!” 
What a guy. Beer in one hand, misogynistic one-liners being shot out like pistols with the other. Jordan, the proud defender of free speech, as he kept tweeting, having a laugh with all those PC snowflakes on Twitter who can’t take a joke. There he was, putting his banter amongst the feminists, just for laugh, just for a reaction, just to maybe get a few more followers (God knows he needs them). And so I thought I’d take a closer look at Jordan. Who is this hilarious man? And as I scrolled through the rest of his Twitter feed, I learnt rather quickly that Jordan loves Brexit and Jordan hates trans people, experts and politicians. Because Jordan is just a normal guy having a laugh, being a lad, getting shits and giggles out of dead women who had a hammer taken to their heads by their husbands. Everyone loves a guy like Jordan. 
And Clever Jordan spoke fluent “snowflake”: “You’re trigged, calm down princess,” he said to a woman who objected to the “joke”. “My context wasn't serious though, it was a joke. I'm not not going to say something just in case someone gets offended.” Clever Jordan knows all about these overly sensitive, overly offended liberals. Clever Jordan knows all about these types on Twitter: the types that have no sense of humour; the types that make a link between a culture that can joke about bludgeoning a woman to death and women being bludgeoned to death; the types that think how far we have to go when Everyman Jordan, Lad in the Pub Jordan, I’m Just a Normal Guy Entitled to my Opinions Jordan thinks his tweet was a “joke”. 
What world had Jordan grown up in that made him think that this BBC news story was an opportunity to fire off a sexist “joke” about women being in the kitchen? Who had Jordan heard talk in this way that makes him think that’s something to joke about? When did a man who sort of just looks like anyone – maybe your little brother’s mate from Thursday-night football – start hating women *so* much that he could perceive it as funny? Was it his dad? Was it his mates in the playground? Was it top-banter jokes from men who think like Piers Morgan – the What About Us brigade? Is this the world that some men are born into? 
And I began to wonder how on earth you could persuade a man like Jordan that it isn’t a joke, it’s not about free speech, that his joke can be directly linked to a culture of violence against women. What would actually have to happen? You can always apply the tried-and-tested what-if-it-was-your-mother-niece-sister method: the effort to explain feminism by pointing out to a man their relative is having a shit time. But even that just seems to reinforce some weird patriarchal notion of man as protector, as supposed to: “Look, Jordan, women are being routinely killed because men don’t see them as equals and your casual humour only serves to prove how ingrained this idea is.” People tried to argue with Jordan on Twitter but he kept shooing out those hilarious one-liners. In all honestly, I think it’s too late for Jordan. I imagine he will simply carry on thinking that a dead woman is the perfect hook for a joke. 
Then I thought about following Jordan, just for the banter, to burst my snowflake bubble, to give him that much need extra follow, but I realised that it’s not really about Jordan. The thing is, there are a million Jordans. And while there are millions of Jordans, we won’t get any closer to stopping women like Humera Khan being killed in their own homes with lump hammers. 
Jamal Khan has been sentenced to a minimum of 16 years. Humera Khan leaves behind two daughters and a son. 



This article was written by Marissa Bate and has been copied from here.

THE Victorian government has announced it will support specialised family violence services for the LGBTI community.
Minister for Equality Martin Foley has announced $3 million over four years to develop comprehensive specialist services for LGBTI Victorians who experience or are at risk of family violence. This adds to the $1 million allocated for the initiative in 2016–2017.

The funding will support family violence referral, counselling and support, peer support, early intervention and perpetrator intervention programs.The services will also involve consultation to mainstream family violence organisations across Victoria.
Supported by the Victorian LGBTI Taskforce, the services will bring together expertise from the LGBTI and family violence sectors to provide increased support for Victoria’s LGBTI communities.
“We are proud to be supporting LGBTI family violence survivors, providing them with specialist care and support in rebuilding their lives,” said Foley.
“We know that Victorians from LGBTI communities face significant barriers to accessing the support they need to deal with family violence, so we’re providing tailored services to the community.”
Drummond Street Services will lead the new partnership, alongside Switchboard Victoria, Transgender Victoria, and the Victorian AIDS Council.
“The LGBTI community experiences the same if not higher rates of family violence during childhood, in adolescence and within adult intimate partner relationships as the heterosexual community,” said Karen Field, CEO of Drummond Street Services’ Queerspace.
“This, coupled with community-level transphobia, homophobia and biphobia, often results in complex health and wellbeing issues for LGBTI Victorians.
“Ensuring access to LGBTI specialist family violence services and activities to prevent and respond to family violence is vital to improving health outcomes for LGBTI communities and their families.”
The record $1.9 billion earmarked in the Victorian Budget 2017–2018 for family violence reform includes $5.3 million for LGBTI communities, along with an additional investment in LGBTI specialist court applicant and respondent practitioners and LGBTI family violence case managers.


This article was written by Jess Jones and has been copied from here.

A $25 million rent support program to help people escape domestic and family violence will be available to those on "moderate" incomes for the first time, the NSW government has announced.
The Rent Choice Start Safely program provides a private rental subsidy for an initial three months and up to three years.


Applicants must be escaping domestic or family violence and homeless or at risk of being homeless. Until now it has been restricted to those eligible for social housing.
Minister for the prevention of domestic violence and sexual assault Pru Goward said under an expansion of the program people on "moderate" incomes would now be able to apply.
A moderate income household is defined as one that earns between 80 per cent and 120 per cent of the relevant median household income for their location in Sydney or rest of NSW.
In Sydney a person could earn up to $59,900 a year and still be eligible. The maximum income to qualify for someone living in the rest of NSW would be $52,900.
"Stable housing is a key part of ensuring women leaving domestic violence stay safe and can rebuild their lives and break the cycle of violence," Ms Goward said.
The government is also establishing a new link between the Start Safely program and specialist homelessness services in the Illawarra Shoalhaven and South West Sydney.


This would "ensure those escaping violence in the home have integrated access to accommodation and support when and where they need it most," Ms Goward said.
In a separate announcement Ms Goward said up to $4 million would be committed to increasing the capacity of women's refuges in up to four areas in regional NSW.
Under the initiative "additional units" will be built to offer women and children an alternative to the communal accommodation at most crisis refuges.
"It will give women and children the personal space they need to re-establish their daily routines and make it easier for service providers to response to clients with different daily needs," Ms Goward said.


This article was written by Sean Nicholls and was copied from here.