The Most Fundamental Steps in Breaking Out of an Abusive Relationship
1. Document Your Experience
Document, Document, Document! Susan Murphy-Milano’s work influenced my life in the 90’s when she so potently expressed the value in documenting the abuse. However, at that time, I heard her coaching as a means for me to display and/or evidence the abuse to others...in order to protect my children and myself.
Fast-forward a couple of decades. Today, I add another profound value in documenting the abuse. Doing this one thing solidifies your understanding of your experience. Through the mere connecting personal events chronologically, you can step out of the river and experience the flow of water with detached awareness. (please read that again)
Through this perspective, you can more objectively assess your circumstances and options. And moreover, from this place you are open to insights expressing your higher good...your best interest...what’s most right for you.
You have a platform within you that shows you your truth...just because (that’s how healing works). The natural tendency is to return to homeostasis. The human psyche is charmed by health and well-being.
If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, I invite you to step out of the FOG (fear/obligation/guilt) engendered through the emotional exploitation and bask in the light.
2. Break Your Silence
Never underestimate the power of your speaking your truth. You hear it for what it is when you speak of it outside of the relationship itself.
So for example, when you open up the abuse dialogue to your healthcare provider or when you go to the police, or you go to your clergy or you confide in a family member or friend, your understanding of the domestic abuse can transition from confusion to clarity.
In some respect, this action in and of itself also aids in your stepping out of the river. Your perspective is through a lens created that is untainted by the direct influence of the abusive relationship itself.
Another way of saying this is: the toxicity within it becomes clearer to you, because you are interfacing with it through non-intoxicated eyes that participate in it through “love,” “habit,” “blindness” or some conscious and/or unconscious “need.”
It’s no secret that abuse is about control. What might be less clear is what the abuser control is trying to control. Is it now or later? Is the abuser set on conquering the moment or is he/she plotting for a longer vision?
Read the full article here.
Eddie McGuire and James Brayshaw joke about holding one a women under water against her will. The AFL must act.
Prison time does little to deter domestic violence perpetrators from re-offending, new research by the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research has revealed but that's not to say that imprisonment because serious domestic violence offenders should be imprisoned to serve the interests of justice.
Read the article here.
NSW Police Assistant Commissioner Mick Fuller, said the tracking devices would be an Australian first and they were about stopping perpetrators before their next crime. Magistrates would determine which offenders were fitted with tracking devices, giving victims more protection.
"The criteria will first be a criminal charge that's linked to domestic and family violence ... and certainly their history will be an important part of accessing which perpetrator should wear the bracelet," Assistant Commissioner Fuller said. "We need to protect the next victim, who is a potential homicide."
Ms Goward said the tracking devices would send a very clear message to offenders, that if they breach a domestic violence order, they will be caught.
Sometimes it's not easy to work out what doing the right thing is. Often it's a balancing act of trusting your gut and trusting the norms and advice of those around you. But what if your gut conflicts with everything you've been taught to believe and with everything everyone around you expects of you?
This recording of Tanya's true story, shows how, sometimes, doing the right thing can mean that you're doing everything wrong.
The Federal government has outsourced 1800 respect, which is currently staffed by qualified social workers and psychologists, to Medibank which means that, should you need to access a domestic violence or sexual assault hotline, your call may no longer be answered by an experienced psychologist or social worker but by a triage system which will then direct you to websites, to state-based services or to trauma counsellors.
Read about it here.
Sign the petition protesting this change here.