Stop. Just stop asking why a woman is so stupid and so weak when she stays in an abusive relationship. There’s no answer you can possibly understand.
Your judgment only further shames abused women. It shames women like me.
There was no punch on the very first date with my ex-husband. That’s not normally how abusive marriages start. In fact, my first date was probably pretty similar to yours: he was charming, he paid attention to me, and he flattered me.
Of course, the red flags were there in the beginning of my relationship. But I was young and naïve, probably much like you were in the beginning of your relationship.
Except my marriage took a different turn than yours.
An abusive relationship takes time to build. It’s slow and methodical and incessant, much like a dripping kitchen tap.
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An abusive marriage takes time to build. It’s slow, methodical and incessant, much like a dripping kitchen tap.
Sally Challen was convicted of her husband Richard’s murder and handed a 22-year sentence. Sally, who doesn’t deny bludgeoning him to death with a hammer in 2010, can now appeal against her conviction because UK law now recognises that domestic violence can include ‘coercive control’.
UK law now recognises that domestic violence can’t always be quantified simply in bruises and broken arms, but may also include “coercive control”, where it’s not just a person’s physical integrity that’s violated, but their human rights.
Sally's legal team will submit fresh evidence that they say shows Richard humiliated her, isolated her, lied to her about his affairs with other women, controlled her finances, and raped her, after she kissed one of his friends on the cheek. Once, when they had guests for dinner, he threw the entire meal Sally had cooked, along with plates, into the bin.
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