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Scottish Judges and sheriffs to receive special training ahead of new bill to criminalise psychological domestic abuse

31/1/2019

 
The online training will focus on knowledge and understanding of the Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Act 2018, which comes into force on 1 April. Participants will also complete a face-to-face domestic abuse course.


Read the full article here

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Congratulations South Australia: Stronger tools to tackle repeat and serious offenders become law today

31/1/2019

 
• a new stand-alone criminal offence of strangulation will come into force
• This new offence also allows Police to properly arrest domestic violence offenders who can be appropriately punished for their actions.
• tougher penalties for repeated breaches of intervention orders … will face hefty fines or prison time
"...domestic violence is utterly unacceptable in any form"

Click here for more information 👇

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The startling toll on children who witness domestic violence is just now being understood

31/1/2019

 
Witnessing abuse carries the same risk of harm to children's mental health and learning as if the children had been abused directly, new research shows. New research is giving scientists more insight into the far-reaching and long-lasting harms of domestic violence to the children who grow up around it – including a startling finding: Witnessing abuse carries the same risk of harm to children's mental health and learning as being abused directly.
Brain imaging in infants shows that exposure to domestic violence – even as they are sleeping, or in utero – can reduce parts of the brain, change its overall structure and affect the way its circuits work together.
Studies show that when babies born to mothers who were subjected to violence during pregnancy become adults, they have three times as much inflammation in their bodies as those whose mothers weren't. Inflammation causes a much higher risk of poor health, and a far greater likelihood of depression.


Read the full article here

What is the 'NO test' and why it's powerful and important

31/1/2019

 
  • The "No Test" analyses a partner's response to being told "no" for the first time
  • Counsellor Rob Andrew says it helps women recognise signs of control
  • Mr Andrew also works with men to expose them to their attitudes in a relationship

What is the 'NO test'?
The No Test is basically to watch out for the way your partner responds the first time you change your mind or say no.

​Read the full article here
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‘Just leave’ logic harms survivors

29/1/2019

 
Domestic violence does not discriminate and can affect anyone. If we as a society continue to look at domestic violence as a clear-cut situation, we will be doing ourselves and survivors  a disservice.

When people hear of domestic violence, the first thing to spill from their mouths is along the lines of, “If my boyfriend ever did that to me, I’d be gone.” This black-and-white way of thinking harms those experiencing domestic violence.
The assumption that any person should know their plan of action if faced with domestic violence minimizes a very complicated issue. Nobody can predict domestic violence or know the “appropriate” response until it happens to them.
Domestic violence is not always as simple as someone being hurt by their partner and then immediately leaving. There are a multitude of factors that make each domestic violence case unique, including children, financial dependence, mental illness and addiction. For example,  a woman struggling with alcohol addiction who is financially dependent on her husband may not have the resources to leave and may even need her abuser to fund her addiction. Life can be complicated. The more a person is juggling, the more impossible leaving may seem.
Absolutist reasoning is not effective. The person who experiences abuse, and those close to them, have to make difficult decisions about how to handle  complex situations. Telling a person experiencing abuse they are stupid or wrong for forgiving their abuser, staying with their abuser or anything else in between makes their recovery harder.
We must support those going through domestic violence even if we know their choices can continue to harm them. This is arguably the hardest part because we know what they face every day and want the best for them.
Support can go beyond having in-depth conversations each day about the abuse. It can be a weekly taco Tuesday night, quick midday check-ins or going on a YouTube deep dive of fail videos. Just being there in a complicated time is important.  



Read the full article here.

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER TURNS AGAINST YOU

28/1/2019

 
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We’ve all heard the facts and figures. We’ve seen the devastated families grieving on the news when their daughters, sisters and mothers are brutally murdered or assaulted and left to suffer – or die. But does any of it actually sink in, until we become a statistic ourselves?  

​Read the ull story here

THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS: The Trump Administration now defines Domestic Violence as purely physical

27/1/2019

 
In April, without no announcement or explanation, the Justice Department drastically changed the official definition of "domestic violence" on the department's website. Whereas the definition used by the Obama administration encompassed not only physical violence but emotional, economic and psychological abuse as well, the Trump administration defines domestic violence as purely physical now, encompassing only violent crimes that rise to the level of felonies or misdemeanours. 

Read the full story here
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Domestic terrorism

26/1/2019

 
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Hello beautiful, can I sit down?
Have I seen you here before? Would you like a drink?
I will be here next Friday. Can I have your phone number? What star sign am I?
I love being with you, you are so sweet, you know how to treat a man.
Yes, it is love at first sight. It is so rare.
I want to be your Prince Charming.
I want to be with you forever, to protect you. You are so special to me.
I can’t live without you.
You are the first girl who really understands me. You know the real me and I appreciate that.
No, I just can’t wait to be with you. Oh, come on! Why wait?
I am not like other men – I will really care for you. Women should be on a pedestal. You can rely on me, go on, trust me.
Who is telling you to wait and to be careful? They just are jealous of us.
What about my other girlfriends? Forget about them, I don’t want to think about them.
They were liars or sluts, or both, come to think of it. Not like you; you are so lovely. I need someone like you and you need me to protect you and have someone like me to depend on.
Why are you putting me on hold? What’s up with you, don’t you love me? Is there someone else? I have plans.
We can save money for a house, I will look after the money.
I bought you a new mobile, so I can be in contact with you all the time. No, I am not rushing you. Don’t you love me enough to live with me?
You think you are too good for me, don’t you?
Why do you want to get that promotion at work?
You looked after me really well when we first moved in together but I can’t live in this messy place.
Do you have to go to work and do that night course? It’s too much for you. I don’t think you can really cope.
No, I respect you and I want you to be yourself and have your own dreams. I really do, honestly.
How many times do I have to tell you?
Don’t ring me at work again. I will ring you.
Where will you be?
Why did you look at him like that? Do you know him? I saw you looking at him. You know I am a jealous guy. Don’t you ever humiliate me like that again.
You know what a hard time I have at work with that old bastard/bitch at work, always picking on me. No one else sees it.
He/she is such a control freak.
You know I could do their job so easily.
It’s so frustrating. I am not appreciated in that shop,
factory,
corner office,
department,
parliament,
station,
courthouse,
chambers,
practice,
farm,
gym,
high-income job,
corporation,
trucking company,
retirement village,
Centrelink queue,
palace,
scrapheap.
I am not agitated or angry. It is in your head.
I am not giving you the cold shoulder. You are imagining things again.
I need some space and quiet. It’s up to you to keep the peace. That’s your job isn’t it? Shit, I am getting sick of this whingeing and nagging.
Please shut up.
Why do you feel alone and isolated? That’s ridiculous, you’ve got me. I do talk to you.
We go out, we do. Well, we have to watch the money, don’t we?
That woman next door is a stickybeak. Why does she come over here?
How come it takes you so long to come home from work? What time do you finish work? Where are you going after work? It doesn’t take that long to buy milk. Those friends of yours shouldn’t put ideas like that in your head.
Which sewer did your work friends come from?
Don’t tell me how to speak; I can criticise anyone if I want.
Who are you to try to control me?
I am not changing, it’s your imagination. You are the one who is changing – go and look in the mirror.
I think you are crazy…
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I am under so much pressure. You believe me, don’t you?
I will repeat: No, you can’t drive my car. You are a terrible driver, and besides, I might need it.
Your mother is on the phone again. What does she want now? Tell her to hurry up, I want to use the phone.
No, I don’t want to go to your grandmother’s birthday party. Your family look down on me, don’t they? I’m not good enough, am I?
Why is your mother ringing, can’t she leave you alone? What are you saying to her?
Why is my ex ringing you? I don’t care what she said, I told you she is a bloody liar, a dog, and NO, I didn’t hit her or her whingeing kid. That solicitor is costing me a fortune, and for what? She just wants to break us up. Can’t you see she’s jealous of you?
Yes, it’d be good to go out like we used to…
Yes, buy a new dress, I want to show you off. I know you haven’t spent any money on yourself for ages.
I’ll give you the money this week.
Why did you buy that dress? It’s too expensive and you look awful. I can see your breasts. Do you want to look like a slut? Who told that you looked good in that? You are so gullible and stupid, believing those salespeople.
How come you went over anyway to see your family? I don’t care if your father did come over and insisted you go, who does he think he is? You have deliberately defied me.
I told you not to go. Don’t do that again, or else.
We are married now, you are my wife, and you must do what I say.
Why are you still taking the pill? I told you to stop it. And why are you still seeing those so-called friends of yours? It will be better when you don’t go to that stupid job of yours.
You are going behind my back, I know it.
You think you are smarter than me, don’t you?
I didn’t mean it to frighten you. I didn’t say that. I am sorry, I was just so frustrated about work. I promise I will change.
I am not giving you the silent treatment, I am just disappointed that you are still doing that course, despite what I have said. I’ve seen all those men at the college.
I just don’t want to talk at the moment.
I will talk when I’m good and ready.
If you really are pregnant, things should really change around here.
Now you should stay at home.
Boy, are you getting fat.
How much did you say that pram is? We can’t afford that.
Is it really my baby? I don’t believe you. I have never been able to trust you.
How can I support you and this baby? I am not ready to have a child.
You have trapped me, treated me like a fool.
Don’t go, please. I am begging you. I didn’t mean that, I am a stupid fool. I really love you, forgive me. I won’t do it again. I promise. I love you, you just push all my buttons.
I don’t know why I am like this.
Why did you tell your mother that I hit you again? You know I didn’t mean it. It was your fault, really.
Give me another chance.
Ring your father and tell him not to come over. I promise not to do it again.
Of course, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I have a high sex drive and you don’t.
Your mother is really giving me the shits, always coming over to my house, with that stupid father of yours. He’s as weak as water; she’s got him under her thumb.
Is it really my baby? It doesn’t look like anyone I know.
I can check, you know.
How much does a DNA test cost?
Stop crying. You are such a girl. Stop crying or I will shut you up. I wanted a son anyway.
Typical for you, to give me a bloody girl.
No, we’ll call this baby the name I choose. After all, I am paying for everything.
I want the family payment put into my account – you can’t manage money.
Why is there no dinner? What is going on in this place? Look at it. What have you been doing all day?
Shut that screaming child up.
Yes, I have been thinking about what you said. I do appreciate you and that’s why I bought you these.
Red roses mean I love you. See, I love you, and you know I do, don’t you?
You can’t spend all day just feeding the baby. I don’t care how long it takes to get used to feeding, put it on the bottle.
I want my food too and this place looks like a brothel.
You are supposed to look after your husband, first of all.
You wanted the baby. I come home tired and expect things.
You are always tired and such a sad sack. I am the one who is depressed. I have to come home and see you every day, too tired for sex, breast milk everywhere, baby crying all the bloody time.
What’s wrong with that baby?
Why is she frightened of me? She cries every time I look at her.
I can’t even go near it.
How do you get yourself in such a state? You’re tired?
Try working five days a week.
You must be joking, you can’t expect me to clean the house, cook the food, take the baby out. I am not a wimp like your father, you know.
What do you mean you are pregnant again?
If that bloody child won’t shut up, I will shut it up. If you were a good mother you could control them. Don’t let those kids from next door come over here,
I don’t want them in our house.
Don’t be so bloody stupid.
Why can’t you control those kids? Why is he wetting the bed and failing at school – brainless and weak, like his mother.
Stop trying to make excuses for him. He is a mummy’s boy; he needs to man up,
If he wets the bed again, I will fix him up.
I will not be quiet, I don’t care what the neighbourhood thinks.
I can’t believe how you’ve changed – look at yourself. You have let yourself go, you are so hopeless, and you could never cope without me.
You can’t control the kids, look after the house or yourself. I know you went to see your friend, I know you did.
Don’t lie to me, I know where you are going all the time. I check.
If you leave me I will track you down, no matter what, I will find you and when I do, you will be more than sorry. I have powerful friends who know the system.
I see them all the time. You can’t hide from me.
I will kill you, no one will know and then I will get the kids too.
No, I didn’t mean what I said, I was just frightened that you would leave me.
What do you mean you don’t know what to believe anymore? I will never hurt you again, I promise. Give me another chance. I will kill myself if you leave.
Tell that stickybeak old man and woman next door to piss off. Get rid of them and your fucking interfering parents or I will.
I don’t care how she helps you or what she heard or what she says, this is my family and she can keep her interfering “advice” to herself.
You are not going to that community centre. Bloody feminist lesbians, they break up families, they just hate all men.
She rang the police? I’ve never hurt you, you tell her to back off.
When the police come, tell them it was just an argument. Cover up your arms. Get the kids into bed and tell them to stay there.
Yes, come in officer, this is a mistake. You are a man, you will understand.
She is crazy, mental, I don’t know why I married her.
It was just a fight and she started screaming.
Those neighbours are nosy parkers.
She hit me, and I was protecting myself. She is so lazy.
You know, I think she is hurting the baby.
Don’t believe that stupid old couple, that neighbour is an interfering witch.
I don’t need therapy. I know what the order says, and what I promised you and the court, but there is nothing wrong with me.
You’ve got to tell me where she is,
I have to talk to her before we go to court.
I want to know where my wife and children have gone, I’m going to kill the dog. It barks all the time, I can’t look after it. You tell her, unless she comes home.
Yes, I know all about the apprehended violence order, but this is so unfair. She is out of her mind.
Look, if you can just tell her that I really love her and I want her to come back and give me one more chance.
Please talk to your daughter.
Surely you don’t want her being divorced?
I know I am not supposed to ring you, but you listen to me, don’t you dare hang up.
Why did you go with the police to that refuge? Why did you get this stupid order? I am not a criminal.
What did they tell you about me? That’s not true; I don’t have a record of violence against women.
That was a mistake when I was young, I told you, that woman always lied about me, she just got back at me.
What do you mean that you and the kids have post-traumatic stress disorder? That’s what soldiers get; you haven’t been in a war. What stupid crap.
Those kids are just like you, nervous Nellies, brainless morons, light sleepers, wet the beds, weak characters with peabrains.
I know where you are going every day.
I can track you.
Your honour, I really object to this.
You can’t do this to me. I refuse to let her divorce me, and why can’t I see my kids? I will never let her go.
I am not a dangerous man or a risk to them, as you are saying. I promise not to chase them or stalk her and the kids again. I will not hurt them again…
But they are my children.
She has poisoned their minds.
Hello beautiful, can I sit down?
I didn’t mean to hurt her.


by Joy Goodsell



National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service 1800 737 732
Lifeline 13 11 14



Just because a woman forgives her abuser doesn't mean he deserves a lesser sentence

26/1/2019

 
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This week, a Queensland man pleaded guilty to a horrific assault against a woman holding her baby. But rather than penning a victim impact statement, the woman wrote a sworn statement to the court in support of the man. Read this article to understand how and why this can happen.



Why are we more outraged when a woman is killed by a shark or by a stranger rather than by someone who once said, 'I love you' to her?

24/1/2019

 
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This image has been doing the rounds for a little while now. All deaths, whether by sharks, car, workplace accident or natural causes are sad but deaths at the hands of another are particularly tragic. But when that death is domestic homicide we need to start looking at ourselves even more closely as family, friends and society.

Domestic homicide never comes from nowhere. is almost always the result of toxic masculinity*: a character trait that is fearful and usually evident long before it results in murder.

The signs may be subtle but they are there and before you ask, 'So why doesn't she leave?', the 'victim' may be paralysed from doing anything OR may have reported her fears to deaf ears.

We, and I mean we, ALL OF US, family, friends and society have to step up in how we care for each other. When we see those traits we have to say or do something. It's up to each one of us to call out those behaviours and traits when we see or hear them.



* Not all perpetrators are men - not all men are violent. How sad that I always feel I have to put that disclaimer out there.

impact keeps a record, to our best ability, of ALL violent deaths in Australia regardless of the perpetrator or victims gender. Visit here to learn more.

​Kathy Kaplan OAM

Children: the silent victims of domestic violence

24/1/2019

 
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Professor Annabel Taylor, Professor of Gendered Violence, QCDFVR, CQUniversity has just published a report entitled 'Impact of the experience of domestic and family violence on children – what does the literature have to say?'

Read the paper here.


I wish there was a magic wand we could use to reverse the tide

22/1/2019

 
It’s hard to keep track of the women murdered in Australia. There are too many: in recent years, more than one a week. However, thanks to our careful monitoring of the media, police contacts and the amazing work of The Red Heart Campaign, we do our best.

Each woman had her own story. Each had dreams, potential and aspirations. Most lived quiet lives. Some were mothers, some were not. Some were employed, some were not. Some had higher education, some did not. In their deaths, though, they had three things in common: for almost all, they died at the hands of someone who knew them very well, usually by someone who had once said, 'I love you', usually by a man [and, NO, this is not man-bashing or man-hating, it is simply a fact] and, for most, their death didn’t come from nowhere - many had sought help and expressed fear. 

I wish there was a magic wand we could use to reverse the tide but there isn't. 

This is not a woman's issue. It's not up to women to solve this.
This is not a men's issue. It's not up to men to solve this.
This is not a police issue. It's not up to the police to solve this.
This is not a court issue. 
It's not up to our courts to solve this.
This is EVERYONE's issue and it's up to us ALL to solve it.


The first few days and weeks after a major violent event — with the victim [usually a woman] leaving, a court hearing the dispute, going through the divorce procedures — are the most dangerous and that's why the Safe Houses are so important. They have trained professionals skilled in helping individuals find safe shelter, make safety plans and provide them with those things a woman usually leaves without such as toiletries, clothes, hygiene products and baby/child necessities.

Were it as simple as that. If only the Safe Houses received adequate government funding. But they don't and that's where charities such as impact come into play: we help provide those things most of us take for granted. Please help, the need is great and is only getting greater. Your tax deductible donation WILL make a difference. The infographic here gives you some idea of how your donation will help one or more women and her children AND, you need to know, because we don't have any paid staff or premises, more than 98 cents in every dollar donated will go to where you expected it to go - the rest goes to incorporated fees and insurance.

We can't solve the problem but we can help at grassroots level to make a very real difference to real women and their children at a very real point of crisis. Please help.
​

Kathy Kaplan OAM


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Toxic masculinity expected by a Melbourne father from his 5 week old son

22/1/2019

 
A man has admitted to violently shaking his five-week-old son unconscious because the boy was "not manly enough". James Tipene told police he shook his son because the baby "was a male and that he had strong feelings that he couldn't control", according to documents released by Melbourne Magistrates Court. He also admitted he had shaken his son three weeks earlier.The baby was shaken so ferociously he suffered injuries that will likely lead to lifelong developmental problems.

​
Read the full story here.

14 Misconceptions About Domestic Violence

21/1/2019

 
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1. Domestic violence is unusual.
2. It's impossible to love someone who abuses you.
3. Domestic violence happens when someone flies out of control.
4. Domestic violence is always physical.
5. If someone abuses you, it's an obvious decision to leave the relationship.

6. There's no good reason for a victim not to call the police.
7. Both parties usually hold some responsibility in domestic violence situations.
8. Women abuse men just as often as men abuse women.
9. Men are never victims of abuse, and women never perpetrators.
10. Domestic violence only happens to women who are poor or dependent or uneducated
11. Drugs and alcohol cause domestic violence.
12. People who commit intimate partner violence are violent in most of their relationships.
13. You can rescue a friend from domestic violence.
14. Tough love is the best way to help a victim of violence.


Read the full article here


UK women given legal right to check partner’s past under new domestic violence law

21/1/2019

 
Read the full story here

Thank you Gurindji man Charlie King OAM, NT Senior Australian of the Year

21/1/2019

 
Congratulations and thank you NT Senior Australian of the Year, Gurindji man Charlie King OAM:
“If that level of violence that women have to endure was levelled at men, we would have stopped that a long time ago.”.
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Domestic violence victims in regional Victoria wait too long for injury assessment

20/1/2019

 
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According to Victoria Police, ipractitioners are sometimes unavailable to see victims for up to eight hours. This is despite the 2016  Victorian Royal Commission into Family Violence identifying access to forensic medical examinations in family violence matters as a top priority.



Read the full story here

'A judge granted my ex custody of the kids so he wouldn't kill them'

18/1/2019

 
"The judge said that he believed my ex would stop at nothing to destroy me and our children if he couldn’t ‘have’ them."

​Read the full story here.
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ParentsNext may be intruding on parents’ human rights

17/1/2019

 
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Parents have had their payments docked for failing to attend “story time sessions”, and ​domestic violence survivors have been retraumatised by being made to retell their stories (sometimes in front of their children) in order to keep receiving payments...'
ParentsNext is to be the subject of a Senate inquiry: submissions close on February 1.
Click here if you'd like information on how to prepare a submission.


​Read the full story here

Fireys union family ­violence clause ‘is abhorrent’

17/1/2019

 
The Fair Work Commission has rejected a proposed Victorian fire services agreement, describing a clause requiring employees to ­notify the firefighters union that they were experiencing family ­violence as “abhorrent”.

​Read the full story here

Father who choked and pushed adult daughter into a wall, knocking her out, gets good behaviour bond

17/1/2019

 
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On one occasion he held his hand tightly over the 22-year-olds throat because he believed she had lost his coffee cup lid, while on another he pushed her into a wall, knocking her out, because she had left ash on her deceased mother’s chair.

Read the full story here

40 Things To Expect From A Narcissist

16/1/2019

 
  1. The narcissist will always define the terms.
  2. You will live by a set of double standards.
  3. You will not be listened to.
  4. The narcissist will never resolve a conflict.
  5. The narcissist will rarely consider your feelings; and will only do so if it serves him/her some how.
  6. The narcissist will never apologise.
  7. What will matter most to him/her is how s/he appears to others.
  8. The narcissist will ruin all of your birthdays and holidays (probably  because somehow s/he needs to make everything about him/her.)
  9. There will be little to no mutuality, collaboration or cooperation.
  10. Your expectations will be managed down to mere crumbs; to the point where you will be happy just because s/he isn’t giving you the silent treatment, yelling at you, or cheating on you.
  11. You will never win.
  12. Your value will be diminished to the point of nothingness in his/her eyes.  In fact, mere strangers will hold more weight in his/er eyes than you will.
  13. The narcissist will tend to make you his/her scapegoat.
  14. The narcissist will dump his/her shame and rage on to you.
  15. Simple conversations will become crazy-making endeavours.
  16. You will find yourself walking on eggshells.
  17. You will lose yourself because you will be trained to focus only on his/her feelings and reactions; never mind yours.
  18. You will experience the silent treatment.
  19. You will experience cognitive dissonance, confabulation and gas lighting.
  20. You will find yourself telling a grown adult how to have normal interactions with others.
  21. Your relationship will revolve on a cycle:  waiting – hoping – hurting – being angry – forgiving – forgetting – again.
  22. The narcissist will blame you for all of the problems in the relationship.
  23. You will blame yourself.
  24. S/He will use your weaknesses against you.
  25. You will experience many dramatic exits, followed by a reappearance of the Narcissist acting as if nothing unusual had ever happened.
  26. The narcissist will act like Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.
  27. The narcissist will not do his/her fair share of household responsibilities.
  28. The narcissist will come and go as s/he pleases.
  29. When you try to hold him/her accountable s/he will fly into a rage.
  30. The narcissist will not answer questions directly.
  31. The narcissist will never ask you about your day and wish you to “have a good day.”  S/He will never show concern for things that you care about (unless it’s something s/he cares about.)
  32. You will feel stuck and unable to leave him/her.
  33. You will miss him/her and wait for h/herim all the time.
  34. The narcissist will project his/her bad behaviours onto you and you will project your good intentions onto him/her – neither is accurate.
  35. When you finally break because of his /hercrazy making behaviours and the insanity of the relationship, s/he will call you are a lunatic, others will think you are a lunatic, and you, yourself, will believe that you are just as bad as him (realise, there is no moral equivalence between expressing frustration and intentional abuse.)
  36. No one else will see it (except maybe the kids.) This will cause you to question your reality.
  37. The entire experience will result in trauma for you because it is interpersonal violence.
  38. You will begin to feel crazy; then, over time, you will begin to feel numb.
  39. If you go to couples counselling it will not work, and will most likely back fire on you. 
  40. You will pay a big price should you ever tell your loved one, “No.”


​Adapted from here
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Domestic violence is a highly nuanced subject affecting millions of people. It is also one of the most complex challenges our society faces.

16/1/2019

 
And that is why we have to take the time and make the effort to ensure we get the responses right. Police are frequently confronted by two fraught individuals both of whom are making contradictory claims about who did what: they must often wish they had the wisdom of Solomon at their disposal.


​Read the full article here


Reproductive Coercion is abuse: but many women don’t even know it's happening to them

12/1/2019

 
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Reproductive coercion is when someone controls whether, when or if, you fall pregnant. It is when someone forces you to continue a pregnancy you don't want, or forces you to  terminate a pregnancy you did want. It can be contraceptive sabotage; it can be emotional blackmail; it can be rape.

Reproductive coercion is a form of abuse that establishes and maintains power and control by restricting a woman’s reproductive autonomy, by denying her control over decisions related to her own reproductive health and by limiting her access to reproductive health options.

Like many other forms of abuse, Reproductive Coercion covers a range of behaviours, many of which are quite subtle and, as a result, many women may not even realise they’ve been subjected to it.

Think about your boyfriend, for instance, who hates wearing condoms and sweet-talks you to let him have sex without it. Or what about if you've been victim to 'stealthing', yes, it's a real thing [see here] when your partner removed his condom without your consent or knowledge?

Or what about that guy who lied to you about having had a vasectomy, or the one who promised that he’d withdraw during unprotected sex, or the one who said he'd break up with you if you didn’t have an abortion, and so you did, even though you really wanted that baby? And then there's the guy who wanted a(nother) child but because you didn't he pierced holes in the condoms and feigned surprise when you became pregnant.

Put simply, Reproductive Coercision, being an exercise of power and control, is yet another form of Relationship Abuse.



Kathy Kaplan OAM


How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

12/1/2019

 
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When you think of relationship abuse, most likely the first thing that comes to mind is verbal and physical abuse. An American study by the Centers for Financial Security found that 99 percent of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. What's more, financial abuse is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. 

​Read the full story here.

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