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1. Honeymoon phase:
This phase is how the relationships start. But in potentially abusive relationships, this is also the phase where the perpetrator creates a safe space filled with love and a sense of security in the relationship. When this phase belongs in an abusive relationship, it follows an episode of abuse or violence with the perpetrator acting in ways they know their partner would want and appreciate. This creates a significant pull for the person who experienced the abuse/violence because their original feelings of love are played with and manipulated. The perpetrator may:
The victim may:
During this phase, the person experiencing the abuse tends to become aware that tension is increasing. The abusive partner may give the other partner the 'silent treatment', refusing to answer them or answering only in grunts. The perpetrator may:
The victim may:
The children may:
3. Explosive phase: The tension continues to grow until the abusive behaviour occurs whether it’s verbal, emotional, sexual and/or physical. The person experiencing the abuse can do nothing to prevent the abusive behaviour and the abusive partner will find an excuse for his/her abuse often using language like 'You pushed me too far this time' or 'Why would you make me do this to you?' The perpetrator may:
The victim may:
The children may:
*Back to the Honeymoon phase* After the abusive event, the abusive partner generally tries to get the relationship back the Honeymoon Phase by becoming the partner the abused person originally fell in love with. The abusive partner is often sincerely sorry for his/her abuse promising to 'never do it again', to go to counselling, to stop drinking, etc. The perpetrator may:
The cycle shortens and shortens:
The Tension Phase inevitably rebuilds and another abusive or violent act occurs. Over time the Honeymoon Phase shortens: until it disappears completely:
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