Emotional abuse: • Does s/he call you names or make you feel bad about the way you look? • Does s/he verbally degrade your self-worth by constantly putting you down?
Physical abuse: • Has s/he ever pushed, shoved, slapped, pinched, punched or physically hurt you? • Does s/he have a history of using violence with others?
Using privilege: • Does s/he always see himself as superior or always right? • Does s/he treat you like you are a possession that can be owned? • Does s/he insist on making all the big decisions?
Using coercion and threats: • Does s/he use force or coercion to make you do things against your will? • Has s/he threatened to hurt the children, friends, family members or pets? • Has s/he threatened to report you to Centrelink, Taxation Department, or others? • Has s/he ever threatened to leave you? • Insist you dress more or less sexually than you want?
Social abuse: • Does s/he try to control your contact with your family and friends? • Does s/he need to know where you are constantly? • Does s/he insist that you are always at home, or only let you out of the house if s/he is with you or insist on knowing where you are going? • Does s/he monitor or limit your phone calls, conversations and emails? • Does s/he check the mileage on the car to see if s/he can work out where you have been or who you have seen?
Sexual abuse: • Does s/he pressure you to have sex which is unpleasant, pressured or forced? • Made you do something very humiliating or degrading? • Made you have sex after emotional or physical abuse or when you are sick?
Minimising, denying and blaming: • Does s/he blame you for his anger and violence, saying it was your fault? • Does s/he say that you were "asking for it” after physically hitting or abusing you? • Does s/he deny using violence or say it wasn’t that bad?
Using intimidation: • Does s/he smash your belongings or break things around the house? • Has s/he ever punched holes in the walls or doors? • Is s/he easily angered and prone to sudden mood swings? • Does your talking to members of the opposite sex result in unfounded jealousy and suspicion that is out of proportion?
Economic abuse: • Has s/he taken away your money or controlled how you spend it? • Has s/he refused to pay the household bills, or to give any money towards them?
Using the children: • Has s/he told you that you would lose custody or never see the children again? • Does s/he question the children to find out information about you?
If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions then Relationship Abuse is happening in your relationship. Regardless of whether physical abuse has occurred or not, you are being abused and your safety could be at risk.
You deserve to be treated with respect and to have a life free from violence and abuse.
The checklist above was adapted from the Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Centre's website.
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