printed with permission from one of impact's friends:
I was the victim of domestic violence. Two relationships in a row of violence over a course of nine years. I have been punched, kicked, near drowned, jaw fractured, eye socket damaged, numerous broken noses, split lips, raped, left abandoned in remote locations, had guns pointed at me where I have just said ‘do it’ as I had given up fighting back. And that’s just the physical violence.
The emotional blackmail, the financial abuse, the constant belittling because ‘you didn’t clean the dishes’, ‘vacuum the floor bitch’, 'you useless fucking whore’, ‘what are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants its face back’, ‘fat wombat’, 'you don’t deserve to go out with these so called friends’, ‘nobody likes you, nobody cares for you’. And that’s just a few of what I remember.
This was the CONSTANT EVERYDAY crap in my little world.
I had a daughter into this second abusive relationship. Needlessly, she was scarred emotionally and physiologically… permanently. An innocent child living and breathing in a toxic environment. She was my strength in realising that it had to change. She did not deserve to be in this toxic environment and despite lots of fear and the help of good friends (who I thought were not my friends due to his poisoning) we got out.
But that was just the start of a long road of more toxic abuse, ownership and power plays from not just him but his family as well. Fighting for full custody of our daughter. Two DVOs (should have been more) and a custody battle later.. he has given up on caring for her.
Our daughter has been in my care for nine years full time now. Healing takes a long, long time.
It has been 12 years since we separated but the violence and abuse have not stopped! In this time he has king hit me in the face and knocked me unconscious in front of our daughter. AND got away with it! My word against his, a young child can't be a witness. The whip lash, the broken nose, the black eyes, the facial nerve damage from one hit was not enough to prosecute?!
He has verbally threatened to kill me, my daughter and our pets many many times over the years. His threats have not made the impact he wants on me anymore, so instead he has extended that to his daughter! YES he now verbally threatens her on the phone and texts the most inappropriate things to her that are only designed to bite away at her self confidence and increase her fears. He attacks her on social media and her friends (he is now blocked).
He has verbally abused my daughter and her friends in the shopping centres. She has suffered further anxiety and increased panic attacks as a result. She was expelled from school because she took a wine knife opener to school. She had this without my knowledge as 'protection' against her father while she rode her bike to school because she believed the content of his messages saying he was going to steal her away from me and put me in jail.
What child deserves to live like that?? He is a drug addict and has abused other women since and still does not see his faults. As a result of his drug induced swings of abuse I made the call to leave. So, ten months ago, because of the impact he was having on my daughter, we moved away from where we lived without his knowledge. That’s how much of an impact he has had on her life. He doesn’t even know his own child doesn’t live in the same town any more.
Finally, we are both now able to look over our shoulders and only see friends. No more living in fear, no more living with what he's going to do next. No more worrying threats as we have distance between us.
We are happy and content. We are finally getting ahead in life mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially and educationally. My daughter has positivity around her. She has stability and love. She has been able to blossom into a beautiful young lady who is finding her hopes dreams and confidence. We are both content to let our Facebook community know where and what we are doing with our lives.
A bunch of friends have no idea that we have relocated. I am sorry you do not know but we are too afraid that he would find us through you and bring us back to our home town. But enough time has now lapsed and he now has no impact in our lives.
Thank you to everyone of you that has been there for me and my daughter over the years of our hardship. It will never be forgotten.
I am the child of a domestic violence survivor. Growing up, I saw a lot of things that children should not have to. I witnessed verbal abuse, threats, physical violence to my mother, and so much more. I was embarrassed by this for so long and didn’t have the strength to speak up.
Night after night I feared for my mother’s life as well as mine, and I grew to resent my father, who tried to cure his issues with alcohol. Being so little while this was happening, I felt helpless and looked for protection from my mother, which she couldn’t give me. Sometimes I got mad at her and blamed everything on her.
Because of them, I was in a constant state of pain, and I was affected by them psychologically. I never showed any emotion, and I never cried over anything. As I got older, I was the one to take care of my mother. I would stand up for her against my dad, and I’d be there for her to vent.
In my life now, I find it very hard to share my feelings. I have aggressive tendencies when I get angry, and I am very emotional. Currently, I am in a serious and committed relationship with someone whom I love and care for very much, but because of my childhood, I cannot express my feelings in the way he does.
Sometimes I overstep boundaries and become hurtful during arguments. I am now working to change that part of me so in the future I can create a healthy, loving family of my own. I still have a long way to go until I am healed completely from this, but as I have gotten older and do not have my parents in my life, things have gotten so much better.
I am finally having my voice heard, and I am gaining back the confidence and self-esteem I lost as a child.