What sort of
                              person
                              perpetrates
                              family violence?

You wouldn’t behave like this outside of home, would you?

Abusers and potential abusers are not easy to spot, often appearing friendly and loving to their partner and family.

Domestic violence is not an accident. It does not happen because someone is stressed-out or under the influence of drugs or alcohol although these substances may aggravate and exacerbate the situation.

Domestic violence is an abuse of power. Domestic violence may be physical, sexual, emotional or psychological. Domestic violence is a crime.

Abusers rarely take responsibility for their own actions, often even blaming the victim for causing the violence.

While in an overwhelming number of cases men abuse women, it IS true that women can also be perpetrators and men can be victims.

Most perpetrators of domestic violence are men. While surveys typically show that 20%-30% of men have committed at least one act of physical violence in the previous year, the number who regularly use psychologically abusive, controlling violence (ie. who fit the pattern of 'perpetrators') is much smaller -- perhaps 5% of partnered men.

The figures also show that 4 out of every 5 intimate partner homicides are perpetrated by men against women (Bureau of Justice Statistics) and that in 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man had physically abused the woman (ibid). 

Perpetrators generally fall into one of three types:

1. cyclically emotional volatile perpetrators
    are emotionally dependent on their partner's presence and have
    developed a pattern of escalating tension that is defused by an act of
    aggression towards their partner and followed by a period of contrition. 
    This cycle often progresses from psychological abuse to increasingly
    severe physical violence.

2. over-controlled perpetrators
    tend to develop a pattern of control relying more on psychological than
    physical violence.

3. psychopathic perpetrators
    tend to lack emotional engagement or feelings of remorse and are likely to
    also be involved in male-male violence and other criminal behaviours.

Men who commit domestic violence are more likely to be young, unemployed, and in casual or de facto relationships rather than legal marriages; they are likely to have witnessed violence as children in their own families; and they may have a range of psychiatric problems ranging from depression to substance misuse.

Many perpetrators are violent under the influence of alcohol but a substantial proportion are violent even when sober.

It is important to remember that most men experiencing negative pressures will not be physically aggressive. The intergenerational and social transmission of violence, although influential, can be avoided. Impulses to violence are mediated by the perpetrator's attitudes, which are formed by the sum total of past experiences.

An abuser is not an abuser because s/he has chronic anger
- s/he has chronic anger because s/he is an abuser.

Abusers do not 'lose control' in anger when they abuse others
- they use anger to maintain control and continue their abuse. They maintain perfect control when they want to.

Might you be able to perpetrate domestic violence?

If you answer 'yes' to any of the questions below, getting some relationship support about violence or abuse behaviour is important.

1. 1.Do you ever have trouble keeping your cool?
   
   

2. 2.Do you ever lash out verbally or physically?
   
   

3. 3.Do you ever use violence or abuse towards people you love?
   
   

4. 4.Are you a victim of violence or abuse?
   
   

5. 5.Can you recognise and admit there is a problem?
   
   

6. 6.Do you want to change?
   
   

7. 7.Do you want to have a safe non-violent healthy relationship?
   
   

Two useful contacts are:

1. 1.Men's Responsibility Group, Monash Link Community Health Service
   Tel: (03) 9568 2599
   
   

2. 2.No to Violence
   an Australian umbrella organisation for workers running groups for men who are violent.
   Tel: (03) 9428 3536
   
   

[This description of the three types of perpetrators,
comes from The Medical Journal of Australia]